Category: Bad News

With commentary short and not so sweet, like Danny DeVito.

…in other words, that’s a dick too far.

…the keyword is “West Virginia” — America’s Wales.

…Greta Thunberg could not be reached for comment.

…and yet they still keep sending me begging letters for an overpriced subscription to their poxy rag.

…and I haven’t laughed so much since Nancy Pelosi caught her tits in a revolving door.

…I wish someone would cancel all my novels.

…oh FFS.  TCM used to be the place where I could go and watch old B&W movies to escape modern life;  now I have to listen to some wokist bullshit about them first?  Looks like my DVD collection is going to grow…

..also banned:  any report involving Nigora Bannatyne, and let’s not even talk about the word “denigrating”.  The knights who say “Ni” were unavailable for comment.

Great Cicero’s bleeding hemorrhoids.

And now a new feature called “Insignifica“:  items that appear in the news, which nobody repeat nobody should give a rat’s ass about;  and yet there they are.  (Contains no links because health hazard.)

 

And:

…it’s so sad.  This creature used to be unbearably beautiful, and then she turned 18 and became an “adult”.  Now she resembles a Moscow street prostitute just off the 3am shift.

And finally, seeing as this is all about the news, here’s wholesome Brit TV presenter Angela Scanlon:

Maybe I should just call this the “Ginger” section…

If you subtract all the news items relating to The Oprah Interview with Ginge and Whinge, as well as all the same tired old Chinkvirus alarmism and panic, there’s not much left to work with.  Still, we persevere:

…I just can’t wait for the first ex-man-now-woman in the Navy to apply for pregnancy leave.

…and if it wasn’t colonialism, then it was climate change.  Or Trump.

 
…and should any Hollywood actors or actresses wish to indulge in this kind of extreme makeover, I will gladly lend them my chainsaw.

…in other “news”, dog bites man.

…and don’t think we’re gonna forget it, Clarkson.

…I have a better idea:  why not a 6pm curfew on women instead, if their safety is such an issue for them?  Not that the old harridan proposing this idiocy has anything to fear, mind you.

…oh Nancy, feel free to share the research you doubtless have on this one.  And speaking of lying gun-control cocksuckers:  

Rep. Eric Swalwell Claims GOP Senators Inspiring ‘White Nationalists’ To ‘Take Up Arms Against Their Government’
…hey, Eric, ol’buddy:  I’m pretty sure that as far as your government is concerned, they don’t need any encouragement from the Stupid Party.  Just sayin’.

And:

…yeah, good luck enforcing that one, Commie assholes.

…must confess I’m a little conflicted, here.  On the one hand, Piers lost his job because he dared to say on TV that he didn’t believe Princess CaringSlut’s little speech on Oprah.  On the other hand, Piers Morgan is still the world’s biggest asshole.  See my problem?

…allows a whole bunch of old people to die  through his policy of ramming Chinkvirus patients into old-age care homes:  no problem.  Fondled a couple of female staffers five years ago:  HE GOTTA GO !!!!!!!! 

…key word in this report:  Wales.  Unexpectedly, the report does not contain the word “sheep”.

And speaking of outdoor sexy:

Jane Seymour and her… grandchildren?

…gives the old expression “grab-a-grannie” a whole new perspective, dunnit?

Commentary short and sharp, like one of these:

…perhaps I can be of some assistance, here:

And in related news:

…and it’s a good thing we Texans don’t actually care what this asshole thinks.

More Chinkvirus silliness:

…coming up:  more from Captain Obvious in a later bulletin.

…if by “country” he meant “the IT industry” , then he’d be largely correct.

…and three hours later, he stabbed some more people.

…just a thought:  perhaps this kind of thing would end if police officers “hurled” lead projectiles at charging BLM protesters.

…

…to quote Professor Glenn Reynolds:  “Run. Them. Down.”

…now if they could just add Cialis to the formula, men would be lining up around the block to buy the stuff.

…and quite justifiably so:

If I’d posted that pic in my weekly Caption Competition feature, the winning comment would probably have been:  “See? Even whores can cook!”

With very pithy commenth.

…which explains everything you ever wondered about jazz.

…I have an alibi.

…an argument for buying wine in 5-gallon boxes, I’d say.

…I get that you’re pissed off at the lockdown, but bombing a Chinkvirus testing center is going to solve the issue… how, exactly?

…you’d think the Irish, after all these centuries, would have figured out by now that the expression “perfidious Albion” was not meant to be taken as a joke, but as a warning.

Wait, that must be a misprint.  Oh, here we go:

..ah, that’s better.

…it’s happening here in Texas, and also in other states.  Not holding my breath about California and New York, though.

…clearly they’re not interested in learning from the Great Texas Freeze Of 2021, because as any fule kno, it never gets cold around Britishland so all their little propellers will spin forever and ever amen.

…she’s just getting us all ready for when President Braindead eventually takes the stand himself.

…let’s take this concept and implement it in numerical order.  Start off with a background check for all book- and movie sales (First Amendment), and only then apply it to guns (Second Amendment).  Fuckers.  And on the same thread:

The Evil 200
…and no, that’s not a NASCAR race.  Feel free to do whatever you want with this information.

Finally, on to a more pleasant topic, sorta:

…it’s just a nice way of saying that her love tunnel has seen more traffic than the Lincoln Tunnel.

And speaking of well-worn thoroughfares:

…sounds about right, although he left out “town mattress”.

Sorry.