No More Bill

I see with great regret that the peerless travel writer Bill Bryson is closing up his inkwell for good.

In an age when cheap airfares and package tours — not to mention online “visits” through media such as Gurgle maps and InstaGram — could have made travel writing about as relevant as toenail clippings, Bryson’s refreshing, no-nonsense style has defied the trend.

I first encountered the man through his Lost Continent: Travels In Small-Town America.   I found in Bryson a kindred soul because at the time, Longtime Buddy Trevor Romain and I were doing very much the same thing, albeit on a smaller scale:  once a year we would take a long weekend off work, pick a part of the U.S. that we’d never visited before, and fly in (he from Austin and I, at that time, from Chicago).  Then we’d rent a car and set off, destination unknown and only the return flight’s departure time as a deadline.  The Golden Rule:  No Interstate Highways.  Even major U.S. roads with only two digits (e.g. U.S. 30 or Route 66) were treated with suspicion, and we’d get off into the back country roads with alacrity.

We were often asked why we did this — and we did it for nearly a decade — and our reply was simple.  We did it to remind ourselves why we had both left our country of birth and settled in this new, this wonderful and this dauntingly-large and diverse land.

To say that we met interesting people would rank among the great understatements of the century:  in New Orleans, Queer Tom and Opera Kate (an out-of-work opera singer working as a barmaid);  the lady in a little town outside Portland who collected frogs of all descriptions (stuffed, porcelain, wooden, whatever) and displayed them all in her restaurant;  the huge guy in New Hampshire who, when we asked him if he’d ever played football lisped:  “Nope.  I got weak kneeth”;  and the slightly-batty breakfast diner owner in Rhode Island who wore the most eccentric earrings we’d ever seen, a different pair every single day;  these, and many, many others were encountered in our travels, and gave us both dinner-party conversation topics and “Remember when?” reminiscences that survive to this day.

And during every single trip, Trevor and I fell in love with America all over again.

So when reading Bill Bryson’s books, it was like reading about one of our own “Blue Highways” trips (the name taken from the title of William Least Heat Moon’s book of the same ilk).  And when Bryson settled in Britishland, it gave rise to works like the astonishing The Road To Little Dribbling  and Notes From A Small Island  — books which, because I’d been to the U.K. often myself, made me nod my head because I too had been to Little Dribbling, only it was called Upton-Under-Wold, Thirsk or Lesser Foldem.

I cannot recommend his work highly enough, because he is an extraordinary writer who sees everything through a pair of clear-sighted lenses and not rose-tinted ones.  Never one to suffer fools or stupid things, he still talks about them with affection covered by incredulity.  If you’re looking for a reading project for the winter, you could do a lot worse than read everything Bill Bryson has ever written.

And Bill:  good for you.  While I am distraught at your retirement, I am forever grateful to you and your wonderful works.

As to why he’s getting out:

“I would quite like to spend the part that is left to me doing all the things I’ve not been able to do. Like enjoying my family, I have masses of grandchildren and I would love to spend more time with them just down on the floor.”

I can think of no better reason.  Give them each a hug from me.

News Roundup

None of the news that’s fit to print.


welcome to our world, Limey bastards.


pretty much the same as you’d get if your taxes were super low, only you’d have more money in your pocket.


so in other words:  it’s just like influenza and the common cold, is it?


I have an abiding wish that we were actually as bad as they say we are.  Wouldn’t we have fun?  Instead, we’re law-abiding, vote and have jobs, which prevent us all from cutting their throats.


so theft is okay, as long as only a few people are affected?  Got it.


it’s called the “grasping at straws” tactic.


couldn’t happen to a nicer Socialist.


he could pick the Tooth Fairy as his AG:  still not gonna happen.


could we import a few of these judges into the U.S.?  They have a better idea of freedom than most of ours.  And they speak Spanish, and everything.


Mommy, why were all the boys following me around the playground?


it’s a strange way to say, “I haven’t had a man inside me for six months and I’m starting to ache”, but whatever.


somebody remind me of all those arguments against the death penalty.

And just to show that it’s not all bad news:

No need to thank me, it’s all part of the service etc. etc.

News Roundup

Here We Go Again, with acerbic commentary that will make your lips scrunch up like Nancy Pelosi eating a lemon.


turned right instead of left at Damascus, and there he was.


I think this is the first SC judge I’ve may actually have fallen in love with.


ummm no, actual structural racism was in one of your nation’s former colonies, Ginger — that being South Africa — and it was called apartheid Everything else is just a pale shadow.


the only news in this is that the dad was arrested.  Apparently the Australian rozzers want to keep all the paedo-punching for themselves.


and note how the headline puts “de-arrest” in quotes, but not around “woman”.  And speaking of weirdos:


yup.  Hoofbeats are definitely getting louder.


a Democrat lying about gun control?  In other news, polar bears eat seals, sun rises in east, etc.


“pure evil”?  I can think of better examples, quite frankly.  And if “rape” is defined as “sexual intercourse without consent”, how can this be called rape?  Asking for a friend.


not reported:  whether any pins were involved.  (Yeah, he was a sperm donor.)


I think I may have responded “Oh God, yes” to this one.

And finally:

Mrs. Crouch shows off her nipples.  Not that this is news, or anything, but it was a slow weekend.

King Midas In Reverse

No, not the awful Graham Nash song.  This is a clear and concise look at how the Left has turned everything it touched — and eventually controlled — into shit.

The hard Left believes its mission is so critical, so morally superior, that all means can be justified to achieve its noble ends. And so almost every institution that the Left has in its line of vision is now petrifying.

Of course, Victor Davis Hanson is too much of a gentleman to say what I said, bless him.  But “petrified” means “turned to stone” (hence his title of the article), and academia, Hollywood, urban centers, sports and the military’s leadership have not been thus transformed.  Turned into stone — at any stage before, say, 2002 would have been fine;  but now it’s all gone to shit, and we have the Left to thank for it.

Read the whole thing.

 

That’s The Spirit

In all the frenzy of Chinkvirus panic and the resulting pandemic theater (i.e wearing face condoms which, from all accounts, do little or nothing to actually prevent the spread of the virus, but like the TSA at airports, at least give the appearance of Doing Something ), we have this wonderful example of I-don’t-give-a-fuckitude from someone named Lana Del Rey:

Heheheh… if you’re going to show absolute contempt, then this is the way to do it.

Of course, the uproar has been intense:

Taking to Twitter to share their anger, one person said: ‘I cant belive lana is actually wearing this mask to…..socially interact with people..this is so irresponsible.’
A different fan put: ‘Why is she at an event with a bunch of people wearing a mesh mask??? I love Lana but this is incredibly irresponsible.’
Another follower commented: ‘LANA WEARING A MESH MASK TO AN EVENT FOR HER POETRY WTF So irresponsible.’

…etc. etc. etc.

Me, I’m just chuckling, because you know what’s coming up next, don’t you?

Wait for it…

Government regulations mandating a minimum thread count per inch for cloth face masks!

You heard it here first.

News Roundup

Today we feature the “All Sex, All The Time“-type roundup, with commentary shorter than Jerrold Nadler’s dick.  [sorry]


ummm Wayne, dude:  there’s this thing called a “vasectomy”


and given that he’s not rich, I think the newspaper owes us a tasteful pic of his erect phallus, so we can see just what this guy’s appeal is.


and you were slut-shamed because you were a choirgirl, right?


“sparent”?  What’s that, Lassie?  Hoofbeats?


given that her pool of likely suitors will come entirely from fanbois inside NASCAR Nation, I’d say her prospects are even slimmer than she thinks.


and when you’ve lost gayboi Graham Norton


not to mention a distinct shortage of willing penises.


if she’s going to get all her lovers’ faces tattooed there, she’s going to need ElastaGirl arms.


the main question being:  did we really need to know this about the late?

And finally:


hate to break it to you darlin’, but nobody cares why.  Here’s the proof:

Much better than Gwinnie’s bony ass.