Category: Bad News

Stuff barely worth commenting on, like Michelle Obama’s nude scene in her Network movie*.

…Jeffrey Epstein was unavailable for comment.

…may as well try to explain Quantum Theory to a dog.

…and why shouldn’t she?  She’s about as qualified as Barack Obama was, when he announced his candidacy.

…which leaves me somewhat conflicted:  ordinarily, I’m all in favor of chopping up random journos in the street.

…which is the primary reason people get followers:  limitless access to pudenda.  And as always, Monty Python supplies the mot juste.

…because they’re mostly a bunch of insufferable nannies who always know what’s best for you.

…good.  The only way this could be any better is if “flogging” was included in the punishment.

…FFS Bobby, just stick to making Mafia movies.

…and imagine the actual level of support if the poll were conducted in Middle America, and not on the Harvard University campus.

…and about damn time.

…hell, why not just call for public vivisection and arena-based child molestation spectacles, while you’re there?

And speaking of child molestation:  if we’re going to comment on something truly newsworthy, how about young Ariel Winter’s buttocks?

*Sorry.

Short and sharp, like an assassin’s dagger.  Let’s start with international news:

…as opposed to L.A. and NYFC, where shoplifters can take whatever they want without penalty, as long as it’s less than $200 value.  Which system is better?  I report, you decide.

…seems a little redundant — although given the crime, not excessive.

…which, considering that such Moroccans make up about 1% of Spain’s population… stop me if you’ve heard something like this before, for other countries involved in the Great Multicultural Experiment.

…yup, there’s nothing like fucking up the next generation to make us all feel better.  For our own fuck-up, see below.

…which clearly means that cops aren’t to be trusted with guns.  Disarm The Police !!!!  But the Brits do get some things right.  Seen over London yesterday:

…why is this international news?  Because apparently it was sent by some Russian or Ukranian  Canucki , pointing to yet more foreign tampering with our elections.

…considering everything that’s gone into Ozzy’s body over the years and not killed him (including Sharon’s tongue), the Chinkvirus probably wouldn’t stand a chance.  (see:  Keith Richards)

And of course, all local news is about replacing some dead judge:

…with the expected response:

…does anyone remember how the Aryan Nation or KKK threatened violence over the USSC nominations of the Wise Latina Sotomayor or the  Jewish (Ginsburg and Kagan) chicks?  Me neither.

And of course, we’ve heard from Red Nancy, Yoda, Meathead, Hanoi Jane and Obama’s Heydrich on the topic.  In other news, such as it is:

COMMON CORE SUCKS
…which we all knew it would, especially as ObamaWorld was pushing it.

…but I will never be able to look at the word “privilege” again without giggling, thanks to this (found at Knuckledragger’s place):

All the news that’s fit to shorten, like 5′ tall Kylie Minogue.

…ahhh there’s nothing like young love.  You may all puke, now.

…ChiComs apologize for error;  missile was actually aimed at a Uighur village 200 miles away.

…Aberdeen, Glasgow, it doesn’t matter;  nobody south of the River Tweed can understand either of them.

…more good news for the anti-gun crowd.

…at least he has supporters — unlike you, Mayor Butt-Boy.

…change “two-thirds” into “99.999%”, and we’ll all be happy.

…good question.  Enjoy the fruits of your labors, Minnesoduh assholes.

…but is still younger than Willie Nelson’s little swimmers.

…from the numbers, “Anywhere else” seems to be the answer.

…didn’t Lady Gagging or whatever she calls herself already do this?

Here we go:   pithy, like the Emmy Award For Best Golden Shower In A TV Comedy (no link, are you kidding? ):

…seems a little excessive, but not as much as the next one:

…but we can file both under “Excitable Foreigners Do Strange Shit”.

…Dev, dude:  for most of us, that countdown started thirty years ago, but you Republicans did fuck-all about it.

…if they tried that shit Over Here for Thanksgiving, there’d be murders.  But he’s on the right track with:

…because “human rights laws” in the EU are basically just welcome mats for refugees.

…what’s wrong with 10,000?

…I see the answer to her problem right there.

…yet another reason not to visit the Third World.  And speaking of which:

…to be filed next to “Man Who Lives With Grizzlies Gets Eaten.”

…hell, in Floriduh, she’d only call the cops after having sex with it.

…my only question being:  what fuckhead suggested that it is?

…or perhaps Mother Earth is just saying that you Commie bastards shouldn’t be allowed to govern a state, or anywhere else.

…and to use bullets instead;  oh wait, he’s an Antifa-supporting Democrat [some redundancy].  So they’ll be using… what?  tissue paper spitballs?

And finally:

…and purely for the edification of my Murkin Readers, here’s Alesha’s black ass:

No need to thank me;  it’s all part of the service.