Category: Bad News

Powered by Short&Pithy Commentary Engines.

…leading to the question:  why the fuck did they get stimulus checks to start off with?  (This is the same government that the Left wants to run healthcare and pretty much everything else.)

…to which my response is:  fuck off, Dumbledore.

…which is what happens when you give low-level flunkies power over other people by over-broad restrictions.

…and whoever is making these claims should be flogged in the public square.  Especially if they’re non-Europeans wearing jeans and using cell phones.

…which is okay.  We Murkins have other places we can visit, until the Euros come to their senses and decide they can’t do without out Yankee tourist dollars.  And we may or may not come back, because if we want to see anarchist punks rioting in cities, we can do that right here by visiting Seattle, Austin or New York.

And now three related headlines:

…and to paraphrase some other smart guy:  Don’t trust Pakistan.  Pakistan is asshole.

…yeah, I know it’s satire.  Fake, but accurate.

…somebody needs to remind me why we don’t impose mandatory execution of people convicted of this.  Maybe that would shut these fucking perverts up.

…to the surprise of precisely… nobody.

And now, one example of how to do things properly:

…and another way which will lead to failure:

…which would be like going to a restaurant, but not being allowed to eat or drink anything.  Morons.

Good grief but the news is getting boring these days.  No wonder the New York Times is creating fake news left, right and center (mostly about the Right, but that’s a story for another time).

We persevere nevertheless, just like Olympic athletes (two links):

…just as absolutely nobody expected they would.  [/maxi-sarc]

…oh great;  your mediocre products don’t suck enough already, but now you’re going to bugger them up even more by inviting under-qualified tokens to work on them.

…right, Noam.  And your old asshole buddy Josef Stalin was just a peach of a human being.  You Commie fuck.

…wait:  weren’t lack of pollution and fewer vapor trails supposed to be a good thing?  So the “good” things are now going to cause a “bad” thing.  Unless, of course, the “experts” who came up with this warning are as full of shit as all the other “experts” we hear from nowadays.  Ummmmm I’ll take that option for $400, Alex.

…funny, I thought that the Brits were kinda the masters at this game.  And speaking of mastery:

…and Augusta National is doubtless going to fold like a damp shirt in the face of this bullshit, just like they did when they allowed women to join the club.

One of Monty Python’s old sketches involved a group of contestants trying to answer questions about the writings of Marcel Proust.  As none of them could satisfactorily explain the rococo intricacies of Proust’s prose [sic], the judges instead gave the prize to the lady in the front row with the big tits.  That’s what I’m going to do now, by ending with some news that’s so irrelevant, so pointless and so silly, it is a perfect summation of how bored I am with the whole business.

…it’s not my fault;  society’s to blame.  [/Monty Python]

Commentary that’s a lot shorter and even less sweet.

…I dunno;  maybe it’s because we don’t like being lied to by a bunch of incompetent, power-hungry assholes?  And speaking of which:

…I’d like to believe you, Dottore, but I have a policy of not believing anything Italian unless it contains “Ferrari” or “Maserati” in the sentence, and sometimes not even then.

…I’m generally not a fan of unions and strikes;  but I can’t help thinking they have a legit grievance, here.

…Chinkvirus hates Jews AND Arabs?  But wait:

…what:  it’s raaayyyycisss too?  No cure or vaccine needed:  just cancel it!  (No links because bullshit)

…and the rest think he’s in the LATE stages of dementia.

…just shows how out of touch he is.  Nikes don’t need no shining, fool;  they gets dirty, we jus’ take a brick an’ go get some more.

…well, that’s Minnesota fucked, then.  And this just in:

…and next, all books will be banned from Minnesota schools because printing is White supremacist — who decided that all paper should be white, anyway? #GutenbergWasANazi

…but who was this thug who got all stabby?

 
…no doubt he was feeling left out because BLM and Pantifa were getting all the headlines.

…so what you’re saying, Fuckface, is that you and yours will launch a revolution against a legally-elected president?  Challenge accepted.

…he’s dead, so he can’t defend himself, so nobody cares about some has-been tart’s ramblings. And for those Readers who don’t know who this washed-up whiner is, here’s what Cassidy saw, back in the day.

Now I’m not saying she asked for it, but I can understand a young man’s hormones going into lift-off.

With commentary short and sweet, like Ariel Winter.

…actually, NOT buying a gun in the face of Wokist riots and BLM looting is madness, but it’s the LA Times.

…and the Boy Scouts finally become the Pussyboys.

…not that I was ever planning to go there, mind you, because Third World Shithole.  Also, three grand will buy you an awful lot of teenage hookers in next-door Thailand, Cambodia’s main competitor for tourism dollars.

…coming from a nation founded on convict settlements.  Irony so thick it’s bullet-proof.  And speaking of Aussies:

…I don’t even want to start working out the math in this one.

…ah, just add it to the trillions of acre-feet of dust we already have;  we won’t even notice it.

…I look forward to the the mega-ironic defacement of the statue of Nelson Mandela, just a few yards away.  Oh wait;  he was a terrorist?  Ain’t gonna happen then, unless someone discovers that he once raped his secretary #MeToo.

…until the Wokist pussies in the new Fox News management team cancel his show because virtue-signaling is more important than ratings.

…okay, quit that giggling , you lot. The only way this could be funnier is if all the ones throwing Mazel Tov cocktails [sic]  somehow set themselves on fire too.

Pithy, like a golden shower*.  Now to the not-news:

…gotta say, if I’m ever called for an in-home video interview, the background will be Wall-O’-Rifles, you betcha.

…which lasted about 45 seconds… 

…yeah great, like the awards show wasn’t long enough or boring enough;  now we’ll have to sit through the awards for Best Woke Documentary By A Tranny Director.  I say “we”, although I’m unlikely ever to watch the stupid Academy Awards show unless they institute hanging for the losers.

…ya thank?

…errrr Black people don’t care about Black lives that much (e.g. Chicago and Baltimore murder statistics), so why should we?

…although that was back when the Grauniad was still called the “Manchester Guardian” and was located in the middle of about a hundred cotton mills.

…yeah, that’ll help the spectators pick out one darkie / disaffected Eurotrash footballer from another during a match played in an empty stadium.

…this, after National Guardsmen found pieces of glass in their pizza at a Washington D.C. restaurant  Repeat after me:  “Hanging is too good for some.”

And finally, some good news:

Rand Paul Proposes Legislation
To Outlaw No-Knock Warrants
…and about damn time, too.  Next, let’s add the death penalty for when cops shoot some innocent guy while storming the wrong address.

*Faked y’all out,didn’t I?