Category: Beauty

Rear View

Gratuitous Chick Pics

The problem with all this self-promotion on Teh Intarwebz nowadays is that people — young women especially — have no clue about how to present themselves to the camera.

Marilyn Monroe, for example, was told early on in her career that she had an unattractive full smile (her teeth were a little too big, and a “big” smile showed her upper gum):

…which is why, in just about every MM pic, you only see half-smiles, or else head-thrown back poses (which foreshorten the teeth and hide the upper gum):

She had someone helping her with her image, you see.

All this came to mind when I saw some nameless Insta-Tok hussy posing as (I think) Mrs. Claus:

…which is fine, I guess — but is completely undone by the next pic, taken from the rear:

Awful.  Had the photographer had any idea, he’d have changed the shot — had her bend forward slightly, maybe, to tighten the saggies.

No clue, any of them.  Compare and contrast:

…’nuff said.

Admission

Gratuitous Chick Pics, Music

Okay, we all know that Shania Twain is a Total Hotty.

But ii shames me to admit that although I know who she is, I wouldn’t be able to hum or even name any of her most popular songs, even if you held a gun to my head.

Of course, I’m not exactly in her target market, musically speaking.  (Or in any other way, come to think of it.)

Cue The Dynamite

Architecture, Modernism, Two-Minute Hate

Here we go again, with some egotistical asshole disfiguring the world with his “art”:

Vincent Van Gogh loved the light in Provence so much that he moved to the southern French city of Arles in 1888 for one of the key years of his short life. So how fitting that a new building, which dazzlingly reflects that light, has made Arles a major centre of contemporary art. Called Luma, it is designed by Frank Gehry, famous for his Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, who took inspiration from Van Gogh’s famous painting The Starry Night.

Given that Bilbao’s Guggenheim looks like a giant burst carbuncle, we all know where this one’s going:

Even worse than this, of course, is that a group of Bilbao’s city “planners” looked at the drawings and model of this disgusting excresence and said (in Spanish):  “Oh wow!  This is just what we need to make our city look more artistic!”  and signed off on the hideous thing.

But returning to our story, here’s Arles, as seen by Van Gogh:

And this maniac’s vision for Arles?

And it’s quite a sight: a ten-storey tower made of 11,000 twisted stainless steel panels, glass and concrete dominating a huge £150 million ‘creative campus’ on the site of a former railway yard.

They should have kept the railway yard.  From the genius himself:

Gehry says his Luma design was influenced not only by Van Gogh’s The Starry Night but by Arles’ Unesco-listed Roman heritage as well.

Yeah, nothing says “Roman” like twisted steel and glass.

If this distorted dildo had been around in Van Gogh’s time, we’d at least have one good reason why he cut his ear off.  In fact, he could have cut his eyes out, just to avoid looking at it.

And if Starry Night  makes you think of things like this, you need a psychiatrist more than Vincent ever did.