Category: Marketing / Advertising

Lures

Lies and Untruths, Marketing / Advertising

Last week I received in my email something from these guys:

…with the following message:

Walmart, a company who’s known to be one of the biggest supporters of conservative causes, has just bowed to evil liberal demands.  Here’s what happened…

Several major companies (including Amazon, Walmart, Barnes & Noble and more) have decided it’s against Americans’ best interests to carry a new book on their store shelves.  And the reason why should have you fuming…

The book is called The First 72 Hours.

The First 72 Hours was written by one of the world’s leading survival authors, Damian Campbell.

And the reason these companies won’t allow you to buy his book is because it exposes how the left is using the current political unrest to steal our freedom in ways we never imagined…

And it teaches you how to prepare for the coming collapse.

The secrets in this book are well-known by government insiders…

And Campbell has put them all in this book in an attempt to warn you about what is going to happen in the next few months.

Since Campbell isn’t allowed to sell this book in stores we convinced him to let us hand out a few copies at a deep discount.

Right now we have permission to give 50% OFF copies to the next 288 people who click here.

However, once you get access to this book you’ll need to review it ASAP.

I can’t tell you when the S will hit the F. But I can tell you Jesus was right that no man knows the hour – and that we should be vigilant and prepared.

Get your copy of The First 72 Hours for 50% OFF before they’re gone… and before it’s too late.

Being of a suspicious nature when people send me stuff and want me to spend money with them, I did a little investigation for myself.  I didn’t look at Walmart, because the next time I buy a book at Wally World will be the first time, and the last time I bought anything at B&N was when we were still homeschooling the kids.

So onto Teh Intarwebz I went.  A whole two minutes later, I came across this:

…so the second paragraph contained at least one lie, which kind of pissed me off right there.

But my ire having been aroused, I decided to do a little more digging, and found the following:

  • the book is under 100 pages long — and for $40, I want something a little more substantial than what is basically a bullet-point list.
  • it’s apparently published by “Prepared Patriots”, which printing house doesn’t exist.
  • However, there is a website called PreparedPatriot.com, which sells the usual tactical / survival stuff.  Are they the “publishers” of said book?  Well, no — at least, I found no mention of the book anywhere on the website.

Well, what about this “Firearm Man” guy (or org)?  Searching for “firearm-man.com” takes one here:

  • “firearm-man.com” is just a fucking newsletter;  basically, a means whereby people can send out spam to whoever.

So:

Fuck them, fuck their newsletter, and by the way, fuck Damian Campbell and his poxy little expensive brochure.  I wouldn’t accept it as a gift, now.

Caveat emptor, y’all.

Karma Smiles

Marketing / Advertising, Sports

Two headlines that had me chuckling, when seen one after the other:

…and then:

So their lesbians beat our lesbians.  (I know, this whole Lesbo World Cup is of little interest over in this corner of Teh Intarwebz, being a) soccer and b) womyns’ sports, but stay with me here.)

This whole non-singing of the national anthem — when you have been chosen to represent your country — has stuck in my craw since Day One.  By not singing the anthem, what you’re saying is that this is not a momentous privilege but just another thing you have to do before signing that lucrative endorsement deal.

And then kvetching when you don’t get that lucrative endorsement deal.

I know, I know:  it’s their First Amendment right and all that, but people need to understand that sometimes there are consequences to actions, and this would be one of those times.

I’m no longer an executive in this business but if I were, there is absolutely no way I would sign up one of these unpatriotic and ungrateful assholes and pay them some large sum of money, because in all good faith I couldn’t show them wearing the Team USA shirt (on the Wheaties packet, for example) when they’ve basically indicated that wearing said shirt is anathema to them.

Enjoy your stay in Oblivion City, shitbirds.

Sucker Bet

Marketing / Advertising

I recently received an email from GlobalBankingMegaCorp congratulating me on my “new” credit limit increase — said increase no doubt being fueled by the fact that I haven’t charged anything on their poxy card for over six months and have instead been paying down the balance.

Then, lower down, there was this lovely little incentive to spend more with them (note the sting in the tail):

LOL they must think I was born yesterday.

Not So Sure

Corporate Wokism, Marketing / Advertising

Here’s an interesting take on the whole Bud Light debacle:

“When the company was bought over by InBev, a lot of things changed [from] when it was owned by Anheuser-Busch. You know, it’s an American brand,” the whistleblower remarked.

He explained that the company previously offered many benefits prior to its purchase by InBev. Through the fall in sales for the Bud Light brand, the former employee stated, the corporation could restructure both employee benefits and its company standards through layoffs and renegotiating contracts.

“Bud Light has been failing for many years. We’ve talked about that for many years. The numbers of just, you know, little by little deteriorated. And it feels like they said, ‘Let’s put this nail in the coffin,’” he said. “Now we have a lot of layoffs, a lot of loss in production. It would be easy for them to restructure, let’s say, pay or contracts.”

“It’s too obvious that they wouldn’t just mistakenly do this and not expect these repercussions. Anybody could tell you what was going to happen,” he commented.

Um, maybe.  Okay, I’m not so sure about that.  In the first place, when it comes to giant corporations, never ascribe to malice what can also be ascribed to stupidity.  Sometimes it happens, but that ain’t the way to bet.

The most telling rebuttal to this assertion is quite simple.  Regardless of whether Bud Light was in decline, or not, it was still the best-selling beer brand in the United States.  And yes, while A-B might have stood to gain from restructuring salary scales or employment contracts, I hardly think that those savings would equate to anything like the amount of money that’s been lost (and will continue to be lost) from their plummeting sales and the equally-dismal drop in their share price.  If some toad in Finance suggested this, he needs to be castrated, in the corporate sense, because if even someone like me can see this, then he’s truly stupid.

Regardless of everything else, you just don’t willfully destroy your #1 brand, especially when it’s as large a brand as Bud Light.  The sums of money are just too vast, the possible repercussions too dreadful because they’re unknown — the ramifications could see A-B split up as a company into separate operating companies (Michelob, Busch, etc.) and the loss of economies which stem from shared brands would cripple all of them.  They’d become no different from a bunch of craft brands — and regardless of what anyone thinks, A-B brands are about as far from craft beers, in both quality and consumer regard, as one could get.

No, the whole thing is just way too Machiavellian and too complex — and trust me, it’s not like InBev is staffed with people of the strategic vision of, say, the German General Staff of WWII, even.  They’re a bunch of Belgian and American bureaucrats, a breed not known for their perspicacity.  And let’s be honest, the Belgies are among the wokest people on the planet, so I’m more likely to ascribe all this bullshit to simple corporate vanity.

Of course, if I’m wrong and this really was just part of some diabolical Master Plan, I hope it all falls apart and the whole A-B/InBev house comes crashing down.  The world will survive and who knows, we might just end up with a few decent beers out of the wreckage.

About Face

Marketing / Advertising, The Gun Thing

I see that following their woke cock-up (is there any other kind?) last week (my commentary here), Heckler & Koch have reversed course faster than Clint Eastwood finding out his date is a trannie:

The next day, Heckler & Koch revealed a colossal corporate change of heart. It deleted the tweets and seemed to suggest someone may have been fired.

Didn’t help, judging from the responses:

  • “I’d expect nothing less from the brand that will never compromise.
  • “Finally, a company that understands the toxicity of engaging in identity politics.”
  • “A fully-armed and bikini-clad apology would smooth things.”
  • “Someone got fired!”
  • “No, not good enough. Send me a free gun.”
  • “I’m so sick of the PC crap… Folks have enough to deal with without having to worry about offending some thin-skin’s sensibilities.”
  • “This almost does it. Need an ad with a good-looking woman in a bikini…with guns, and a beer…”
  • “Nope, I’m still upset! I will be requiring a VP9 and an HK45 as reparations before my feelings are unhurt.”

Companies need to keep tighter control on their employees’ social media, methinks — and especially if said employees have access to the corporation’s social media.

Beyond that, HK got reminded of something like a gun-safety lesson: Don’t point your tweet at anything — including your marketshare — that you aren’t willing to destroy.

Yup.

In the meantime, here’s a gun bunny to make us all happy again:

I know, she’s not carrying one of H&K’s overpriced guns, but that just shows her good sense (which is more than they have).