Category: Drive Time

My earlier posts on vintage British sports cars generated quite a bit of discussion (here and here).  So I thought I’d bring the post topic up to date somewhat, to review what’s been happening recently.

First a little history.  This, of course, is the E-Type we all know and love (from 1966):

Next, the Jaguar XK, which was discontinued in 2015:

Personally, I think this was the most beautiful Jag made since the X220.  Then, in a fit of stupidity idiocy foolishness mental retardation lunacy brilliance, Jaguar replaced the above with the “F-Type”:

Personally, I fucking hate the F-Type:  it’s ugly, brutish and classless, with all the modern doodads which supposedly appeal to the sports car buyer of today:  massive front grille, show-off brake calipers and totally superfluous air scoops with black accents.

So we went from sleek and sexy to fugly in 50 years.  I think they call that “progress”.  No prizes for guessing what I think it is.

Following yesterday’s post about the exquisite Triumph TR4, I need to explain where I got the title of the two posts.  But first, a little exposition.

As much as I love and adore old cars, I have no interest — none —  in restoring one.  Indeed, even if I were tempted to buy one, I would never be one of Those Guys who spend hours over weekends trying to coax life into an old Weber carburetor or rewiring the dashboard switches.  I believe that all that stuff is best left to people who enjoy doing this stuff:  I’m a user, not a fixer or tinkerer, and think that if I were intended to venture into this dark world of vintage car ownership, God would not have invented auto mechanics or, for that matter, AAA.

However, when I do happen upon a temple dedicated to these endeavors, I’m happy to pass on the news in case there is the occasional Reader who might need to visit such an establishment.  So during my recent trip to New England, I happened to come upon Brit Bits, a marvelously-named place located in Rye, New Hampshire.  Here’s what I saw:

(I should point out that in her yoof, New Wife used to drive an MGB GT like the mustard-colored one — the color is Full Late-1960s — only hers was aubergine:  “purple”, to you and me.  If I’d had the money — and the nerve —  I would have bought her the white one and driven it back the Texas.)

But be still, my beating heart:  Morris Minors!

And don’t get me started about the Austin Healey Mk III:

The only problem with owning one of these, as any fule kno, is that one would need to move to Rye and form a very close relationship with the mechanics at Brit Bits (maybe even adoption should be considered), unless one were of the aforementioned fixers and tinkerers.

However, if I were to be presented with a “resto-mod” of the Healey, MGB or even that Morris Minor Traveller station wagon, I’d sell a firstborn or two.

And you have to love a place that features this July 4-themed pic on their website:

One of the few benefits of being old is that when someone talks about some beautiful piece of old stuff, you can probably remember seeing it for yourself, back in the day.  I noticed that folks commented on the old gun ads in last week’s post — yup, I remember shooting some of those old guns too — and I had a similar reaction to this article about some different old stuff:

A fabulous Triumph TR4 two-seater sports car once owned by Essex Police is set to go under the [auctioneer’s] hammer. Police needed to buy sports cars in the 1960s to keep up with miscreant motorists with powerful motors.

There are pics of said car in the article — and it IS a beauty.  Here are some pics of other Triumph TR4s:

Love the wire wheels.  The other types?  Not so much:

Must say, though, that the TR4’s backside is Full 1960:

But the interior is lovely:

And all that said, I’d take one in a heartbeat, even with the oil leaks and

Back in the 1960s, I was jealous of the TR4’s driver every time I saw one zipping past.  As I recall, most of them were women… and pretty ones at that.

…and if the Internet is to be trusted, they still are.

Beautiful.

Fresh on the heels of their long-term review of the Alfa Romeo Giulia (relevance to follow), Car&Driver has published what they consider to be The 15 Most Beautiful Cars You Can Buy Today, i.e. 2019 models, or earlier if unchanged.  (Frankly, I opened the page wondering how they were going to come up with as many as fifteen, but never mind.)  In alphabetical order, they are:

Alfa Romeo Giulia —  No quibbles with that.  We already know how unreliable it is, but beautiful?  Si.

Aston Martin DBS Superleggera  —  Not much to argue with this one, either.  As C&D  admits, Aston knows how to make beautiful cars.  Although I’m not that fond of this one:  the grille is too big for my liking.  I actually prefer the DB11.

BMW i8 —  I have to agree with this entry.  I saw one in London for the first time, parked in the street in Mayfair (duh), and I actually stopped in my tracks to marvel at it.  (I know it’s an HO car, but we’re just looking at the skin, remember.)  And let’s be honest:  since the 850i, has BMW had any  models on a “most beautiful” list?

Bugatti Chiron —  This one, I think is pig-ugly.   Whoever picked the Chiron was seduced by the Bug’s performance, and let that pull it onto the list.

Infiniti Q60  —  Wait… a Japanese  car on a list of beautiful cars?  Even more surprising is that I agree.  I see them around here in Plano, and they always get a second glance.

Jaguar XJ —  As with Aston Martin, Jag makes lovely cars (with the notable exception of the foul Ford-inspired S-type of the early 2000s).

Kia Stinger  —  As C&D  says, if you didn’t know it was a Kia, you might vote for it too.

Lexus LC —  For Lexus (who are trying hard to equal Ford in the Most Boring Design stakes), the LC is a peach.  The fact that it can also out-drag a Kawasaki just makes it all the more memorable.

Mazda 3 —  I like these cars, even though the protruding nose thing (started by Mercedes) is a little over the top. Still, the Mazda 3 is probably the best-looking of all the hatchbacks (scant praise).

Mazda MX-5 Miata —  I prefer the earlier model shape (true of just about all my car preferences) which was flatter and more true to the British roadster type that the Miata was copying, but the new model isn’t too bad.  (I prefer the Fiat 124 version, but you all knew that.)

Mercedes-Benz S-class Coupe —  I dunno.  Mercs are more handsome than beautiful, but I have to admit that the new Coupe is quite sexy, especially when compared to their usual 4-door limos.

Porsche 911 (992 body)  —  Maybe I’m just prejudiced, but I just don’t see how any  Porsche can make a list like this, with the possible  exception of the Cayman.

Rolls-Royce Wraith —  No.  Just… no.  Rollers have always been stately, not beautiful cars.  And the latest incarnation of the Rolls looks like something from a 1990s-era Batman TV cartoon series.  Even the Wraith looks good only because they copied the Bentley shape (again).

Volkswagen Arteon —  Hmmmm.  As much as I liked the VW CC (their proposed “Audi-killer” that didn’t), I’m a little iffy about the Arteon…. actually, no.  The Arteon doesn’t even look as good as the new Toyota Camry coupe.

Volvo V90 —  I don’t know if I could call any Volvos beautiful, as such.  But I will grant that the V90 is quite striking… for a station-wagon.

Actually, the car most egregiously passed over by C&D  is the Bentley Continental, which is so  much more beautiful than almost all the above.

Also, some may wonder why there are no Ferraris on the list.  I’m not surprised:  the new Ferraris are hideous, by their own standards let alone empirically.  The Portofino wasn’t nicknamed “The Joker” by accident…

Noticeable by their omission on C&D’s list:  any American cars.  Feel free to nominate your 2019 Murkin choices thereof in Comments.  (Anything with “Cadillac” in its description will be ignored if not roundly mocked.)

Car&Driver magazine took the hotter-than-fire Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio for an extended 40,000-mile test, and it broke their tiny little hearts.

Why so?  Well, to anyone who’s ever owned or driven an Alfa Romeo for any length of time, it’s quite simple, really:

Of course  the electricals were going to fail — and of course  the hoses weren’t going to be properly clamped, and of course  the indicator lever was going to snap in your hand like a piece of raw spaghetti, and of course  the door-handles  and gear knob were going to come off in your hand — wait, the last three didn’t happen?

Actually, by normal Alfa Romeo standards then, the little Giulia QF is quite reliable.

Here’s the thing:  the more complicated cars become, the greater the chance that things will go wrong.  (Hell, my rock-solid-reliable VW Tiguan has a faulty tire-pressure sensor, and a dicky coolant sensor needs replacing as well — granted, these after 85,000 miles, but still.)

Now add that greater complication to an Italian  car — especially  any Alfa Romeo — and the chance of things breaking will increase exponentially.  All those electrical- and electronic doodads are simply begging to fail, and the more of them there are… well, clearly Car&Driver  didn’t get the memo.

Read the linked article for the testers’ comments, which are priceless.  My favorite:

Just a prediction:  Nobody is going to buy this car when we are done with it.

Wrong.  Serious Alfa Romeo fans will read the critique and see that in just over a year, the car was in the shop for a total of three months.  Then they’ll shrug and say, “I wonder if I can get it in green?”  (Answer:  no.)

Silly rabbits.