First we see this (no links):
…and then we see this:
The first headline makes me want to sharpen my bayonet; the second makes me giggle like a little schoolgirl.
Afterthought: Possession of an AK-47 is illegal in Frankistan, so that gun control law is obviously working well.
They never stood a chance.
I note this development with something approaching gloom:
Amber Heard has finally paid Johnny Depp the $1million settlement she owed him after their bitter legal battle – as the Pirates of the Caribbean star vows to split it five ways among his favorite charities.
Depp and his ex-wife eventually settled their defamation claims against each other in December after five years of furious legal battles.
I know, ’tis a noble thing to do, giving away that demented tart’s money to worthy causes etc. etc. And I know that Depp has enough money so that he can afford to give a million spondulicks away.
But I also wish he’d spent just a little of that money on something completely frivolous — say, a flashy Ferrari with a custom plate reading “BYTE MEBTCH” — because there’s nothing like creating a constant reminder to all the other gold-digging whores (thank you, Bill Burr) who want to enrich themselves at their wealthy paramours’ expense.
Actually, it would be a public service.
I have no interest, of course, in ever watching the Barbie movie, despite the casting of the comely Margot Robbie in the title role.
Nevertheless, I still got a queasy feeling in my stomach when I stumbled across this horrifying scenario:
Amy Schumer was originally to play the title role of Barbie in the live-action Barbie movie but left the project in 2017, citing scheduling conflicts.
Yeah, nothing says “Barbie”
…like this foul yenta:
You may all be excused for a bathroom / vomit break at this point, and please accept my apologies for the latter pic — but it had to be done.
I just wanted to thank all those who have contributed to my “Keep Kim From Poverty” fund: the results from Week 1 have been wonderful, not to mention in some cases astonishing (and you know who you are).
I know this is a PITA, and believe me, I hate asking for help. But this blog is no longer the site it once was — back in those days, I actually had more discrete readers per day than the Daily Mail — and it pains me that the once-proud “BANG” [Buy (Kim) a New Gun] fund has been reduced to a HKKHLO [Help Kim Keep His Lights On] fund.
But there it is, and here we are. Please consider supporting this tired old back porch, if you haven’t already.
…and:
Of course, pretty much anything that the loony Gwyneth Paltrow suggests is going to be utter bullshit, but this one… oy.
Finding the perfect gift for the tricky men in your life can prove near-impossible at times – but luckily Gwyneth Paltrow is here to help in the form of her rather unique Father’s Day gift guide, which not only suggests a $64,000 trip to the Arctic Circle as a potential present, but also a male sex toy — a $219 hands-free prostate stimulator from the brand Hugo. (“The base and tip of the device each contain a powerful vibrating motor: the insertable head massages the prostate while the external head delivers satisfying vibrations to the perineum.”)
Frankly, while even the description makes me a little queasy, the only acceptable sex toy that I’d accept to massage my prostate and taint would be Salma Hayek, and even then I’d have to run that by New Wife first.
At least her nails are short and manicured… and you can all stop right there.