Category: Food & Drink

No Accounting

Food & Drink

It’s interesting how different nations will take the same ingredients, eat them a certain way, and strange looks (or sometimes, gagging noises) will ensue from others who can’t see it being eaten that way.

Take for example Britishland’s favorite, the prawn sandwich:

Most Murkins, at this point, are going “Say what?”  while the Frogs are going “Quoi?”  (with added lip curl).

Of course, New Englanders eat lobster on bread rolls, so we’re not that far apart — but Old Englanders would look askance at that because for them, lobster is strictly a main course, e.g. the Thermidor:

Back onto the prawn thing, though:  even I, a committed Anglophile, have to admit to a little puzzlement at prawn sarnies, accustomed as I am — as are most other Murkins — to seeing shrimp (or prawns, for that matter), in a cocktail or as an appetizer:

All that said, I could see myself eating shrimp on, say, a croissant:

…because a croissant is more like pastry than a prosaic slice of Wonderbread.

Okay, is anyone else starting to feel hungry?  For a chip butty (UK’s #2), maybe?

(a.k.a. carbs squared)

Two nations, divided by a common food. [sigh]

It’s enough to put a man off his breakfast gin.  (Or is that just my favorite?)

Rebound

Business, Food & Drink, Management

Well, this is interesting:

Anheuser-Busch heir Billy Busch said he would be the first to buy back Bud Light should the beer’s parent company AB InBev want to sell it.

“If they don’t want that brand any longer, sell it back to the Busch family,” Busch told Outkick host Tomi Lahren. “Sell it to me. I’ll be the first in line to buy that brand back from you, and we’ll make that brand great again.”

Busch explained how disheartening it has been to watch the beer brand, which was so much a part of his childhood, lose its legacy of valuing its customers and employees.

“That culture is completely gone now,” Busch said. “They knew who their drinkers were. … Even my dad at 89 years old, 90 years old, he was still going to the bars selling Budweiser back in those days.”

“We’ve always cared very, very much about the people in America. What made this company great was America, of course,” he continued.

Busch added that AB InBev has missed the mark in knowing its customer base.

“When you are a foreign company and you rely on these woke students that are coming out of these local colleges to do your advertising for you, you’re making a big mistake,” he noted.

Even if they got Bud Light back, I still wouldn’t buy it because it’s shit beer, but that’s not the point.

I don’t know if anyone knows this, but Auggie Busch (Augustus III) has been a lifelong supporter of concealed carry — mostly, it should be said, because of the need to protect his delivery drivers from hijacking.  The family has always been true-blue (red?) American (unusual for a wealthy family) and intensely patriotic, always with traditional values very much in evidence.  A cursory look at older Budweiser ads — the pre-woke ones, that is — will bear that out.

And was there any better or more American an institution than this?

Oh, and if Billy wants a new relaunch payoff line for his acquisition, here it is:

Same Beer, Different Attitude!

Yer welcome.

Poking Fun

Food & Drink, Mocking Furriners

I like the way this guy works:

Ben Reid, from England, recently spent a few weeks on holiday around Italy and learned that many locals were quite specific about their food.

The English man was constantly chastised for making ‘adjustments’ to his meals – such as dipping his croissant in coffee, and pouring water into his espresso.

Ben eventually started ‘trolling’ strangers with bizarre acts. 

However, the act that evoked the most condemnation was cutting spaghetti with scissors.

Two waiters actually went up to Ben and told him he ‘wasn’t allowed’ to consume his food like that.

‘You have to roll the pasta with your fork, you cannot cut it with scissors. People will think you’re an idiot,’ the waiter said, and then confiscated the scissors.

Brilliant.  I’m just surprised he wasn’t scolded for not having a glass of wine with his dinner.

I do the same kind of thing in Chinese restaurants by using a fork instead of chopsticks.  Let ’em sneer or roll their eyes, I don’t care.

Old But Still Funny

Food & Drink, Funny Stuff

I remember reading this and crying with laughter, many years ago.  Enjoy.

“Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in… I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.”

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 – MIKE’S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI

Judge # 1 — A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 — Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) — Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 – EL RANCHO’S AFTERBURNER CHILI

Judge # 1 — Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 — Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 — Keep this out of the reach of children. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 – ALFREDO’S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

Judge # 1 — Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 — A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 — Call the EPA. I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting red-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4=2 0- BUBBA’S BLACK MAGIC

Judge # 1 — Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 — Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 — I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT… just like this nuclear waste I’m eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 – LISA’S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

Judge # 1 — Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 — Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 — My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.

CHILI # 6 – VARGA’S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

Judge # 1 — Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 — The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 — My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 – SUSAN’S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

Judge # 1 — A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 — Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment (**I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.)
Judge # 3 — You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’ve lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing. It’s too painful. I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 – BIG TOM’S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

Judge # 1 — The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 — This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he’d have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 — No report.

For some reason, I’m really lusting after chili now.  I think I’ll make me some. #NoFuckingBeans

Attention Biltong-Lovers

Food & Drink

Here’s a decent little video about making a decent piece of biltong.  The spices and mixes are exactly the same as mine (see below), and the only areas where we differ are that I make much bigger pieces so that the inside is much wetter than his (New Wife likes her biltong very wet), and I don’t use hot chili flakes (New Wife doesn’t like very hot foods).

At the end, the guy exclaims that he can eat biltong all day, like that’s something unusual.  If I leave it lying out on the cutting board, New Wife and I can gobble a stick a day, so I have to hide the damn stuff so that we forget about it.

Just remember that when you eat biltong, the dried meat expands in your stomach back to its original size.  I ration myself to about 8-12 slices per day.  Back in my Army days, I could make a stick last a week, and not lose a pound of weight.

I’m going to make some tomorrow.  It’s been a week already since the last lot, and the natives are getting restless.

Ingredients, per 1lb of raw meat:

  • 8 tbsp red wine vinegar/brown apple cider vinegar
  • 1.5-2 tbsp coarse (kosher) salt
  • 2 tsp coarse ground black pepper
  • 2-3 tbsp whole coriander seeds

 

Lite, Shmite, Ultra-Shite – You All Suck

Corporate Wokism, Food & Drink

In the wake of Bud Light performing the impossible task of stepping on its own transgender wokedick comes this silliness:

Miller Lite is facing criticism for a weeks-old ad that pushed a feminist message.
…
“So here’s to women,” comedian Ilana Glazer says in the ad, which Miller Lite published in March for Women’s History Month. “Because without us there would be no beer.”

Without women, there pretty much wouldn’t be any need for beer, but let’s continue:

Glazer explains that women have made beer throughout history and the beer industry has not paid them enough credit. The ad criticizes beer advertisements that feature women in bikinis.

Errr nobody gives a rat’s ass about who actually makes beer — it could be made by Brazilian macaque monkeys, for that matter, and I suspect some actually might be — but showing women in bikinis is just the beer industry’s equivalent of a cosmetic company using some actress as their “face”, i.e. getting the attention of its core buyers.

But that just leads to my main point.

Regardless of who makes it and who drinks it, “light” or “lite” (i.e. diluted) beer is a totally shit product. 

We shouldn’t be boycotting Bud Light or Miller Lite or any of their cohort brands;  we should be boycotting diluted beer in toto.

When I say “we” I mean all existing male drinkers of this foul swill — I had one sip of Miller Lite back in 1985, and have never touched the shit (of any brand) since, so I can’t very well boycott something I never drink.

Still, I can’t deny that there’s a need for people to drink lots of hardly-alcoholic booze, so I have to reluctantly concede that there is a market for it.  Going back to my first experiences with light beer, I recall that anyone throwing a party always had to get some Lite in so that the girls could drink with the boys.

So while men have always bought light beer, it’s generally been for their womenfolk and not themselves:  men can consume and handle alcohol in quantity more easily than women — fact! — so why not?  Light beer, then, has always been aimed at women, but subtly:  showing bikini-clad women in those ads simply reminds the buyers — mostly men — not to forget the ladies when they plan their party.

Clearly, though, that’s just Not Appropriate anymore, and Men Are Pigs and Women Are Downtrodden and and and and, ad nauseam.

Is it time for a breakfast martini yet?  Oh, why the fuck not?  If there was any 6X anywhere around, I’d go for one of those, but there isn’t so I’ll just substitute.

Not a lite bone in its considerable body.

Judging from the Comments, I seem to have pissed in a few people’s light beer.  LOL