Coup De Grâce

I said yesterday that the three-day orgy of food (a.k.a. family Christmas feasts) was over, that I’d eaten enough for twelve Ethiopians and drunk enough for four Irish navvies, etc. etc. etc.

I lied.

Or rather, I forgot that we’d promised to take Brother-In-Law for some Mexican food for lunch yesterday.

And that we’d planned on dinner with Doc Russia and his exquisite wife later last night.

So of course we did both:  quesadillas, fajitas, chimichangas and so on, accompanied by the usual margaritas (at Gloria’s);  and beef short ribs, pineapple sponge cake with ice cream, and whiskey plus red wine (at Doc’s).

I now look and feel like Monty Python’s Mr. Creosote, understand how an actual python feels when it’s swallowed, say, a large pig, and I have lost the will to live.

Here’s a picture of a gun to keep you all happy:

And please excuse me while I go off and groan for a few hours.

Blown Out

Aaaaargh.  Thanksgiving, schmanksgiving;  when it comes to extended gluttony (at least in our family), nothing begins to compare with the Three Days Of Christmas.

Christmas Eve “snacks” (if you can call a long dining room table FULL of finger foods and a huge charcuterie board “snacks”, plus of course booze);  Christmas morning brunch (full English plus cinnamon rolls, and mimosas);  and then the pièce de résistance, the Boxing Day Roast Beast, with enough wine to drown a walrus.

I don’t want to see any food until at least tomorrow, and not even a sniff of booze until New Year’s Eve.

Boxing Day Blowout

Yesterday we hosted the family for our traditional Christmas breakfast:

…but that was yesterday.

Today is Boxing Day, which for our family is as important as Thanksgiving.

Oh yes… ’tis the time that famille du Toit has its Christmas Day dinner (a day late but certainly not a dollar short):  roast beef, roast potatoes and Yorkshire pudding, this year all ably prepared by Daughter and hosted by the Son&Heir at his place.

See y’all tomorrow.

Favored Nation

As I’ve written before, I used to work from home before all the cool kids started doing it, for a tech company based in Pompano Beach, FL.  I used to fly down once a month to attend meetings, hang around and basically remind management that I was alive and doing good things for our clients, and in that time I ate out a lot at the local restaurants both in Pompano and the surrounding towns.

Some time later, I was chatting to one of the tech guys, a Cuban named Danny, and he asked me out for dinner, just the two of us because I was busy on some private skunkwork project and he wanted to get the details.  The conversation went as follows:

“Kim, do you like Cuban food?”
“Danny, I don’t like Cuban food — I fucking love it.”
“Really?”  (sounding surprised)
“Not just the food, either.  I love everything Cuban:  your food, your music — I don’t smoke, but if I did, I’d probably love your cigars as well.  I love your booze, your way of life, the way you guys dance, and your women — oh my Gawd, your women! — and if I could be reborn to any nationality and culture in the world, it would be as a Cuban, here in South Florida.”
Pause.
“Of course, your system of government absolutely sucks.”

So he took me to a little Cuban restaurant I’d never even heard of, let alone seen.  That night I fell in love with all things Cuban all over again, and Danny and I remained friends for years thereafter.

And my little skunkworks project turned into a system which later become an industry standard.

Anyway, here’s a little background Cuban music for you, and of course some local flavor:

¡Compasión!

We Knew That

And now we know:

Too bad that all this has come at a time when I can’t afford to buy the lovely stuff… but I guess I can always cut something from the budget (like a Netflix subscription) to get more meat.

And yes, I know I can’t afford the gas to get to the supermarket, either.  Which is why my apartment is walking distance from not one but two of them.

And now, if you’ll excuse me…

My Thanksgiving Story

Outside the United States, Thanksgiving isn’t a holiday, nor even a thing — their loss — so I’m sometimes asked to explain the whole concept to foreigners.  Here’s the story I tell to do so.

Tom worked in the office next door to mine, back at the Great Big Research Company in Chicago.  He had moved down from Minneapolis to take the job, bringing his wife and kids with him.  Under the term “Straight White Corporate Guy” in the dictionary, you’d find his picture:  always immaculately dressed in suit and tie with polished Johnston & Murphy wingtips, glasses with thick lenses, hair cut short but not too short, a workaholic — you get the picture.

He also had a dark and impish sense of humor, completely out of character but made all the more enjoyable because it completely destroyed the stereotype.  (At the staff cafeteria lunch table one day, we were discussing what we’d do if we won the lottery.  Tom:  “Porn movies.”  “Make them or perform in them, Tom?”  “Both.”)

It came about that on one Thanksgiving, instead of taking the family back to Minneapolis for the extended family reunion, Tom had to stay because of work pressure;  He couldn’t leave on the Monday, as he usually did, so this year his wife and daughter went up early, while he stayed behind with his son, intending to drive up on the Wednesday evening.

Well, that never happened because on the day before Thanksgiving, the greater Minneapolis/St. Paul area was hit by a truly gargantuan snowstorm which was too much even for Minnesoduh to handle, which meant that Tom and his teenage son were stranded in Chicago until the day after Thanksgiving, at which point the roads would be clear enough for him to get there.  But as for Thanksgiving Day itself?  Just him and his boy.

Needless to say, there was no Thanksgiving meal, but Tom decided to make the most of it anyway, so he and his son went off to the nearby Jewel supermarket to get a substitute.  Tom, of course, did not know how to cook, so they got two frozen turkey dinners and went off to the checkout.

The cashier was a lady in about her fifties, and when she saw the two lonely TV dinners on the belt, she looked at Tom incredulously and said:  “Is this your Thanksgiving dinner?”

“Yes,” Tom said (and here’s where that sense of humor came in),  “This year, it’s just the two of us.”
“What about your wife?”
“She’s not with us.” (said with just a touch of melancholy)
“Oh no,” said the cashier, distraught.  Without a moment’s pause she said, “Would you and your son like to join my family for dinner later today?” 

And this, my friends, is the meaning of Thanksgiving.  This lady was prepared to open up her home and table to two total strangers, just so that they would have a family to share Thanksgiving with.

To his great credit, Tom was mortified, and with considerable embarrassment managed to extricate himself and his son from the predicament.  But he never forgot the episode.  Nor have I and, I hope, nor will you.

Despite everything, we Americans still have a lot to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.