Category: Friday Feature

Through Fresh Eyes

The Worst

So Beloved Granddaughter has left us (along with her lovely parents) and gone back to Seffrica sob sob.

While Over Here, of course, we showed them around and tried to see the country from their perspective.

While they truly enjoyed themselves — I mean, Buc-ees, who could hate that? — there were some blots on the landscape, and here are the three most egregious:

1 – Waffle House Sucks

It used to be the place where America had breakfast on the road, and where we could be assured of an inexpensive meal drawn from a dizzying choice of meals.  Now?  I won’t be going back.  A cut-down, tiny menu (fallout from Covid, by the way), no longer inexpensive, and to be honest, the food was terrible even by WH’s standards.  (More on this later.)

2 – Sports Merchandise Is A Fucking Ripoff

We got to babysit Beloved Granddaughter while her parents went to watch a Dallas Mavericks game, which they enjoyed immensely — although bewildered by the spectacle.  The next morning, I went to Academy to buy them some Mavs stuff for souvies.  Did I?  Like hell I did.  $30 for a cheap (made in Third World Country #7) t-shirt?  $50 for a ditto sweatshirt, $25 for a cap?  WHO ARE THEY KIDDING?

3 – Light Beer Is Not Only Piss, It’s Also A Rip-Off

Son-in-law tried three different light beers (Bud Light, Miller Lite and Michelob Ultra), and declared them all to be shit beyond words.  (I could have told him that, but he wanted to “try the American experience” — his words —  even though I warned him against it.)  The nadir of all this came at the Mavs game, where he paid $10 for a cup of the aforesaid Michelob Ultra.  His description of American “light” beer cannot be repeated here, lest it offend my Readers’ sensitive feelings, and he is the politest, most Christian young man I’ve ever met.

Bonus:  Even Cheap Food Is Overpriced

Breakfast at IHOP:  $90 for four, excluding tip.  $12 for a stack of pancakes?  What the hell has happened to us?

Quite apart from poverty issues, it’ll be a LONG time before New Wife and I eat out again.  The prices aren’t just high, they’re a fucking insult.