Category: Friday Feature

When you wake up with a crippling hangover, and discover the consequences of the previous night’s carousing.  Ranked in order of ascending horror:

• a wedding ring on your finger, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez lying in bed next to you
• the ashes of your passport, in your Bucharest hotel room
• Polaroid pictures of a naked you and the Ukrainian “escort” you met in the bar last night
• an aching anus and a card with the inscription:  “Thanks for a wonderful evening — Brian Boitano”
• ownership title documents for a Toyota Prius.

Your suggestions (may be personal or hypothetical) in Comments.

Ranked in order, from “of very limited appeal” to “you’ve got to be fucking kidding“.  First, for men (all with the vocal function enabled):

• the “Andrea Dworkin” (retro model)
• the “Joy Behar”
• the “Gender Studies Professor”
• the “Hillary Clinton”
• the “Taylor Swift”

And for the ladies:

• the “Brad Pitt” sorry I meant   “Dog The Bounty Hunter”
• the “Jack Whitehall”
• the “Jerrold Nadler”
• the “Harvey Weinstein”
• the “Piers Morgan”