5 Worst Things About The Corona Virus

  • All those exotic “Chinese Bat Stew” frozen dinners in your freezer will have to be thrown away
  • Your new Huawei phone has been renamed “Typhoid Mary” in the catalog
  • Far fewer cheap and trashy options in the Clothing section at Walmart
  • “Visit Chinatown” has to be taken off your bucket list
  • Severely limits your choices in the “buy a foreign wife” market

Your suggestions in Comments.

5 Worst Things About Valentine’s Day

Welcome to the first major Hallmark Holiday of the year. Here are the five worst:

  • Soppy fucking movies on TV and cutesy fucking teddy bears (are we still five years old?) everywhere you look
  • Hay fever from all the fucking roses in the drugstore
  • This bullshit in the newspapers:
  • All those articles in women’s magazines about how single women are traumatized by not having a date tonight
  • Knowing that it’s the one day of the year you have to buy her flowers / candy / a romantic dinner simply to get what you can get any other night of the year just by feeding her a couple wine coolers.

Your pet peeves about ValDay in Comments.