Category: Friday Feature

In ascending order of ill-advisedness:

• “Only 120?  That’s disappointing;  my speedo was showing 135.”
• “If I give you a sip from my hip flask, will you let me off with a warning?”
• “I’ll have a hot dog with fries, and a vanilla shake… darlin’.”
• “Apparently, radar speed guns cause testicular cancer.  I fucking hope so.”
• “Here:  hold my gun while I look for my wallet.”

Your suggestions in Comments.

Everyone’s been there (don’t even think of denying it):  you’re making the beast-with-two-backs with your honey and unbidden, someone else pops into your mind.  Here are the five worst / most inappropriate of such, ranked as always in ascending order of foulness:

For the ladies:

• the Dalai Lama
• Alan Alda
• Woody Allen
• Bill or  Hillary Clinton (tie)
• Bruce Jenner

And for the guys:

• anyone from Jersey Shores (the TV show or  the place itself)
• Milo Yannopoulos
• your ten-year-old stepdaughter
• Maxine Waters
• Caitlyn Jenner

Your suggestions in Comments… when you’ve stopped throwing up, that is.

In ascending order of awfulness:

• newspapers
• cloth made from horsehair
• a sheet of glass
• sandbags
• Rosie O’Donnell

Your suggestions in Comments.