5 Worst Things To Say During A Traffic Stop

In ascending order of ill-advisedness:

  • “Only 120?  That’s disappointing;  my speedo was showing 135.”
  • “If I give you a sip from my hip flask, will you let me off with a warning?”
  • “I’ll have a hot dog with fries, and a vanilla shake… darlin’.”
  • “Apparently, radar speed guns cause testicular cancer.  I fucking hope so.”
  • “Here:  hold my gun while I look for my wallet.”

Your suggestions in Comments.

5 Worst (Other) People To Think Of While Having Sex

Everyone’s been there (don’t even think of denying it):  you’re making the beast-with-two-backs with your honey and unbidden, someone else pops into your mind.  Here are the five worst / most inappropriate of such, ranked as always in ascending order of foulness:

For the ladies:

  • the Dalai Lama
  • Alan Alda
  • Woody Allen
  • Bill or  Hillary Clinton (tie)
  • Bruce Jenner

And for the guys:

  • anyone from Jersey Shores (the TV show or  the place itself)
  • Milo Yannopoulos
  • your ten-year-old stepdaughter
  • Maxine Waters
  • Caitlyn Jenner

Your suggestions in Comments… when you’ve stopped throwing up, that is.