5 Worst Places To Lose Your Car Keys

Ranked in order of foulness / inconvenience:

  • inside your mistress’s apartment when you have to get home quickly to take your daughter to her school ballet performance
  • down your kitchen sink when the garbage disposal is running
  • when it’s 1am and you’re inside a parking garage in downtown Johannesburg
  • down a public toilet in Mumbai, India
  • inside a Kardashian.

Your suggestions in Comments.

5 Worst Things You Can Say To New Parents

Ranked in order of increasing horribleness:

  • “Why do all newborn babies look like Winston Churchill?”

  • “Where did the red hair come from?”
  • “Well, that’s a relief:  he doesn’t look at all like me…”
  • Now I know why you guys got married so quickly.”
  • (about a baby girl ) “Wow… now that’s what I call a circumcision!”

Your suggestions in Comments…