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Category: Friday Feature
5 Worst Things You Can Say To New Parents
Ranked in order of increasing horribleness:
- “Why do all newborn babies look like Winston Churchill?”
- “Where did the red hair come from?”
- “Well, that’s a relief: he doesn’t look at all like me…”
- “Now I know why you guys got married so quickly.”
- (about a baby girl ) “Wow… now that’s what I call a circumcision!”
Your suggestions in Comments…
Caption Competition #35
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5 Worst Dietary “Facts”
According to this study*:
- Lowfat / skim milk is better for you than full-cream milk
- Saturated fats in your diet will cause heart problems
- Margarine is better for you than butter or lard
- Red meat is bad for you
- The government and health scolds know what the fuck they’re talking about
*Next week, another study will probably come out and disprove this one. Caveat lector.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have a breakfast of steak ‘n eggs (fried in butter). And a full glass of half ‘n half to wash it down.
Caption Competition #34
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5 Worst Life Lessons
Ranked in ascending order of bad:
- All guns are always loaded.
- Speaking your mind at your job may make you feel all righteous and stuff, but the boss may not feel the righteousness.
- Ditto your wife.
- You will not be respected in the morning.
- Despite all the hoopla about it, sex with a virgin is terrible, with all that pain and crying, regret and recrimination. And it’s even worse with a girl.
Your suggestions in Comments.