Category: Friday Feature

Ranked in ascending order of awfulness, and all inexplicably popular:

• MacArthur’s Park — Richard Harris (most obscure and meaningless lyrics ever)
• All Out Of Love — Air Supply (actually, any AS ballad could be inserted here)
• Halleluya — Leonard Cohen (maudlin cheesy tearjerker)
• It Don’t Matter To Me — Bread (beta-male whining)
• Diary — Bread (the ultimate cuckold song)

No links; I refuse to be party to mass vomiting.

Your suggestions on the topic in Comments.

Ranked in ascending order of awfulness:

• Cops like it when you playfully wave a gun at them during a traffic stop
• If you don’t like the Republican candidate, vote for the Democrat as a protest
• The Second Amendment will protect you from arrest if you’re carrying a handgun in New Jersey
• Not all women are like that
• Swipe right — hey, you’re in Bangkok; what could possibly go wrong?

Your suggestions in Comments.

In ascending order of awfulness:

• Democrats Take House, Senate And White House In Election Upset
• Sen. Chuck Schumer Named To Head BATF
• “Not Guilty” Verdict In Clinton/Obama Treason Trial
• N. Korean ICBM Strikes Hit San Diego, Miss Seattle, Portland, Berkeley
• Amy Schumer Married To [your name] After Wild Night In Vegas

Your suggestions in Comments. The more tasteless, the better.

Ranked in order of awfulness:

For a man to hear:

• “Did I come? No.”
• “OMG — is that my husband’s car pulling into the driveway?”
• “No, my herpes flare-up is completely over.”
• “Hello? Is that the Campus Rape Counsel Office?”
• “My name is Lena Dunham.”

For a woman to hear:

• “Well, I’m never going to buy that brand of condom again.”
• “I have to go — my wife’s going to wonder why I’m so late.”
• “To be honest, I preferred your kid sister.”
• “I thought you’d enjoy anal sex.”
• “Welcome to the Kennedy Compound.”

American:

• Naomi Wolf (outwardly attractive, the ugly runs deep with this one)
• Any Professor of Womyn’s Studies
• Lena Dunham
• Catharine McKinnon
• Andrea Dworkin

There is a serious public health warning attached to each link in this post.

British/International:

• Polly Toynbee (by the way, the link contains a big fat lie — she’s a Marxist, not a “social democrat”, whatever that is)
• Harriet Harman (a.k.a. Harriet “Harperson”, ’nuff said)
• Caitlin Moran (like Naomi Wolf above)
• Diane Abbot
• Angela Merkel

I was going to publish a companion piece of the five worst men to have an orgy with, but I suspect that most of my choices (from: O.J., Chris Brown, Howard Stern, Anthony Weiner, the entire male cast of Jersey Shores etc.) would probably find favor with quite a few women… [sigh]