Category: The Worst

In ascending order of terrible, they are:

• International Hemorrhoid Day
• International Vegan Day (or is that just the same as the above?)
• Premature Ejaculation Day (I know, I know:  all ejaculations are premature)
• Molest A Pre-Teen Girl Day (for Roman Polanski, that’s every day, of course)

and the absolute worst:

• Senator Chuck Schumer Appreciation Day

Your suggestions in Comments, as usual.

Ranked in order of foulness / inconvenience:

• inside your mistress’s apartment when you have to get home quickly to take your daughter to her school ballet performance
• down your kitchen sink when the garbage disposal is running
• when it’s 1am and you’re inside a parking garage in downtown Johannesburg
• down a public toilet in Mumbai, India
• inside a Kardashian.

Your suggestions in Comments.

A pictorial, in ascending order of horrible:

5) New York:

4) London:

3) Munich:

2) Bangalore (listed as “Park View”):

…and to the surprise of absolutely nobody:

1) San Francisco: 

Your thoughts in Comments.

Ranked in order of increasing horribleness:

• “Why do all newborn babies look like Winston Churchill?”

• “Where did the red hair come from?”
• “Well, that’s a relief:  he doesn’t look at all like me…”
• “Now I know why you guys got married so quickly.”
• (about a baby girl ) “Wow… now that’s what I call a circumcision!”

Your suggestions in Comments…

Ranked in ascending order of bad:

• All guns are always loaded.
• Speaking your mind at your job may make you feel all righteous and stuff, but the boss may not feel the righteousness.
• Ditto your wife.
• You will not be respected in the morning.
• Despite all the hoopla about it, sex with a virgin is terrible, with all that pain and crying, regret and recrimination.  And it’s even worse with a girl.

Your suggestions in Comments.