Category: The Worst

Ranked in ascending order of bad:

• All guns are always loaded.
• Speaking your mind at your job may make you feel all righteous and stuff, but the boss may not feel the righteousness.
• Ditto your wife.
• You will not be respected in the morning.
• Despite all the hoopla about it, sex with a virgin is terrible, with all that pain and crying, regret and recrimination.  And it’s even worse with a girl.

Your suggestions in Comments.

..and my apologies for posting this so close to breakfast time:

…and the absolute worst:

Ol’ Bill must have been drunk out of his mind to pick this one.

In ascending order of “you’re gonna get fired”:

• “Screw what H.R. says.”
• “When I was in San Quentin…”
• “My project will come in well over budget and a year late.”  (unless you’re a liberal politician, in which case you’ll be just fine;  you might even get a promotion)
• “I’m sorry about the affair with your wife, but…”  (bonus points if you’re a woman)
• “On our next business trip together, bring some edible panties… again.”

Your contributions in Comments.  Bonus points if your contribution ever got you actually fired.

Ranked in ascending order of horrible:

• When you live in Venezuela or Zimbabwe
• When your business partner is part of the Mafia or the Russian mob
• When your business is a Christian bookstore and you live in Saudi Arabia
• When your business model was designed by a Harvard MBA
• When you live in California.

Your suggestions in Comments.

In ascending order of hideousness:

• Flight attendant on the New York – Ft. Lauderdale flight
• Male employee at Salon magazine
• Kathy Griffin’s personal trainer
• Product tester at a refried-bean canning factory
• Any job where Michelle Obama is your boss

Your suggestions in Comments.

We’ve all done it, but here are the worst, in ascending order of ridiculousness:

• I have to leave now, it’s Happy Hour at the Rose & Crown
• I have to pick my grandmother up at the airport (bonus if the speaker is over the age of 50)
• I have to get to the liquor store before it closes
• I broke my fingernail and I have an emergency appointment at the nail salon (female; if male, I don’t want to talk to you)
• I have to take my Mom to the maternity ward

Bonus points for guessing which one was mine.

Your suggestions in Comments.