Category: The Worst

5 Worst Song Performances

Friday Feature, Music, The Worst

The song might have been a good one, but the rendition left a lot to be desired. In ascending order of tunelessness (and no links because projectile vomiting):

  • Whiskey In The Jar — Metallica
  • Danke Schön — Wayne Newton
  • Yesterday — every single person except Paul McCartney who ever tried to sing it
  • Tutti Frutti — Pat Boone

…and OMG, in its own special Hall Of Shame For One:

  • My Way — Frank Sinatra

Look up the performances at your own peril.

 

5 Worst Excuses For Being Late For School

Friday Feature, The Worst

In order of implausibility:

  • “My little sister hid my backpack.”
  • “The dog wouldn’t move away from lying in front of my dad’s car.”
  • “It was the Russians.”
  • “I had a panic attack because Donald Trump is President.”

…and the absolute worst reason for being late for school:

  • “My gym teacher just wouldn’t let me get out of bed this morning.”

Your suggestions in Comments.

5 Worst Lies

Friday Feature, The Worst

All in ascending order of frightfulness, as usual.

Told by men:

  • “You won’t get pregnant; my family’s been sterile for generations.”
  • “I’ll just put the tip in.”
  • “…and forsaking all others…”
  • “I’ll call you  next time I’m in town.”
  • “She means nothing to me!”

Told by women:

  • “Size isn’t important.”
  • “I won’t try to change you after we get married.”
  • “I don’t fake my orgasms.”
  • “Bad boys don’t turn me on.”
  • “I’d love you even if you weren’t rich.”

 

Your suggestions in Comments. Bonus points if you’ve actually uttered them, or had them told to you.

5 Worst Times For Your Water To Break

Friday Feature, The Worst

Ranked in ascending order of foulness:

  • Halfway up the Matterhorn
  • The day before you start a new job (i.e. they don’t have to give you maternity leave)
  • During your wedding ceremony
  • While receiving oral sex (and before having your orgasm)
  • A week after the United States has instituted a “single payer” (i.e. NHS) healthcare system.

Your suggestions in Comments. I can’t wait to hear from my Lady Readers.