Category: The Worst

Everyone’s been there (don’t even think of denying it):  you’re making the beast-with-two-backs with your honey and unbidden, someone else pops into your mind.  Here are the five worst / most inappropriate of such, ranked as always in ascending order of foulness:

For the ladies:

• the Dalai Lama
• Alan Alda
• Woody Allen
• Bill or  Hillary Clinton (tie)
• Bruce Jenner

And for the guys:

• anyone from Jersey Shores (the TV show or  the place itself)
• Milo Yannopoulos
• your ten-year-old stepdaughter
• Maxine Waters
• Caitlyn Jenner

Your suggestions in Comments… when you’ve stopped throwing up, that is.

In ascending order of awfulness:

• newspapers
• cloth made from horsehair
• a sheet of glass
• sandbags
• Rosie O’Donnell

Your suggestions in Comments.

Ranked in order of horribleness:

• “I think he’s unconscious… oh what the hell, go ahead and cut.”
• “Wow… I need to tell my wife to book that Caribbean cruise;  this is gonna take a LOT longer than I thought.”
• “What’s the world record for stretching an anus?”
• “Oh boy, a naked unconscious woman on a table… it reminds me so much of high school.”
• “Wait a minute;  I know we scheduled a tonsillectomy, but it says ‘Gender Reassignment’ on her chart here.”

Your suggestions in Comments.

Mexican:

Blackface:

Manboobs:

Spiderballs:

…and the absolute worst costume of them all:

Bruce Jenner:

No man should.

Inexplicably popular, revered by critics, nobody seems to have realized that these iconic emperors had not a single stitch of clothing between them.  Some have drawn my ire on these here pages before, but there are others.  So, ranked in order of artistic nudity:

• Marlon Brando (Method mumbling)
• Elizabeth Taylor (squeaky voice and horrible acting not fully redeemed by large breasts)
• Johnny Cash (bass monotone;  probably the smallest vocal range of any singer ever)
• Jackson Pollock (gaudy splashes masquerading as Art)
• Frank Sinatra (couldn’t hit a note with a baseball bat;  should have quit singing in about 1958)

Your suggestions in Comments.

None of these TV shows could be made today because #NetworkCowardice.   Ranked from “Least” Offensive to “OMG I Need Counseling!”:

• The Bob Newhart Show (makes fun of mental illness / psychoses, plus airline pilot Howard is a serial seducer / rapist)
• Dukes Of Hazzard (OMG Confederate Flag Warning!)
• Tom ‘n Jerry cartoons  (all that violence, sexism and animal cruelty)
• Benny Hill (sexism, male chauvinism / piggery, etc.)
• Monty Python’s Flying Circus (sample):
  “I don’t like darkies!”
  “Hahahaha… she doesn’t like darkies… who does?“

…and a special Dishonorable Mention for female stereotyping:

• How To Marry A Millionaire

Your suggestions in Comments.