Category: Funny Stuff

Round One To The Good Guys

Elections, Mocking Furriners

When Charles De Gaulle stated that it was impossible to govern a country which produced 246 types of cheese, he was really talking about politics.  So in a country where there are at a rough guess about five political parties per voter, national elections are two-rounders:  the first round eliminates most of the outliers, and the thing gets serious in the second round.

Even so, I was surprised at the first round results:  National Rally garnered a full third of the votes cast, with FrogPres “Granny-Shagger” Macron’s “globalist” party a distant third (after the Socialists).

Marine Le Pen‘s far-right* National Rally party led France’s snap parliamentary elections on Sunday with 33% of the vote, according to the interior ministry, with the leftist alliance New Popular Front following in second place at almost 28%. President Macron’s ruling coalition trailed in third place with 20%.

Of course, the Left accepted the election results stoically… nah, just kidding, they went all hair on fire and screaming riots, as is their wont when the people don’t vote the way they want them to.

The French people may have spoken at the ballot box, but the result clearly left some feeling very upset. Protests erupted in several French cities overnight, most particularly in Paris, where thousands gathered. The New Popular Front, which represents a spectrum of left wing parties from the pro-European Union centrists to full-blooded communists has earlier threatened they would “resist” the result if the RN won, and the protests may be the firs throes of that, although given there is a week to run until the second round of the election actually allocates the majority of the seats and decides whether Le Pen’s RN can command a majority in the house or not, perhaps expect more violence next week.

Comment of the week:  “Every dead cop means one less vote for Le Pen”, thus combining support for lawlessness with political terrorism in one pithy sentence.

On a parallel note:  the Greens got no votes at all (being part of the 3.1% “Other”, which encompasses over a dozen parties.

Roll on, Sunday.

*they aren’t, except by the standards of the Howling Left.

Here Comes Another One

Advice, Freaks & Loonies

It will help if while reading this piece, you hum the tune to the above title (as recorded by Monty Python on their final album).

It was only last week when I slotted this little item into a News Roundup:

…and here’s an update, with a younger member of the Nostradamus Tribe being a little more cagey, timewise:

A man who has been dubbed the ‘living Nostradamus’ claims ‘the worst is yet to come’, suggesting the world is teetering on the edge of WWIII.  

Athos Salomé, 36, who is a trained parapsychologist from Brazil, is often referred to as a psychic due to the accuracy of his insights and predictions, after previously foreseeing the coronavirus pandemic, Elon Musk buying Twitter, now called X, and even Queen Elizabeth II’s death.

Now, as people worry about the escalation of conflicts and humanitarian crises, he warns that ‘a small incident’ could set off a series of terrifying events. 

Key phrase:  “trained parapsychologist” (one could be snarky and add “Brazil”, but if we’ve learned anything, it’s that these loons can pop up anywhere).

If these Nostradami actually worked as advertised, they wouldn’t be hammering on about global catastrophes — at least, I wouldn’t, if endowed with these magical powers.

I certainly wouldn’t be blathering on vaguely about nonsense like “And there shall be a great pestilence come upon the land” [at some unmentioned date, in some unmentioned country].

No, I would be ensconced in the Presidential Suite at the Hôtel de Paris in Monte Carlo, paying for my accommodation (not to mention more than a few unsavory indulgences) by plonking a grand or so on 27 at the Casino’s roulette wheel each night.  That’s at least a useful application of the magic power, and not providing fodder for some crappy newspaper’s This Week’s Things To Panic About! section.

But perhaps I’m being too dismissive.

Sarajevo, anyone?  As Bismarck once said, it will be just some damn thing in the Balkans… now that was an accurate prediction.

Next Week: Armageddon

Elections, Mocking Furriners

…for the Brits, anyway, as they are going to vote the Communist Labour Party into power because reasons.

After Bill Clinton was elected President, I remember expressing my amazement to a friend that almost the very first thing he did was increase taxes.  My friend’s response was withering:  “Of course he raised taxes:  he’s a fucking Democrat, and that’s what they do.”

Now back over The Pond…

Here’s the opinion of the Greatest Living Englishman on the topic:

Anyone who thinks that Labour will behave in any way differently to what Clarkson says needs to jump off a cliff.  And in fact Labour may do worse, much worse.

I’m not taking any bets on that.

3 Alternatives

3 Inexplicable Things, Music

Many years ago when I was still living in Chicago, I had a chance to see Procol Harum live at the Vic Theater, a small supper-club type venue which held (at that time) only about 600 people.  (The small number is because of the tables.)  We had dinner, and then the lads came on and blew everyone away.

Their tour was to promote their latest album, Prodigal Stranger, which I still consider one of their very best (of an extraordinary collection of albums, as any fule kno).

Anyway, what that concert confirmed for me was that if I’m ever going to watch a live band, I’m only interested in doing so in a small, intimate venue.  I’d seen the incomparable Leon Redbone in a similarly-small theater a couple of years earlier, but Redbone’s act was by definition a more intimate one, with the crooner entertaining us with many, many sly quips as well as his music.  (Oh, how I miss him.)  And one last such example:  back in the late 1970s I saw Blood, Sweat and Tears perform in Johannesburg’s Empire Theatre (800 seats) and well, blues vocalist David Clayton-Thomas, say no more.

I was reminded of all this by a chance comment made by (of all people) BritRoyal Prince William’s in joking with Ronnie Wood that he’d only come and see the Stones if they brought Taylor Swift along.

The thing that both Swift and the Stones have in common for me is that I’d rather have a rat cage strapped to my face than attend the mega-concerts of either.  This is not just the ranting of an elderly man, by the way:  I’ve always preferred to watch a concert in a smaller venue, as I’ve demonstrated above, even when I was a young rock musician myself.  Frankly, if the concert has to have giant TV screens for the audience to see the act perform, I’d rather watch the concert on a DVD afterwards than be part of a massive crowd.

The whole “Swiftie” phenomenon, of course, leaves me ice cold because, when all’s said and done, young Taylor is just a country singer, and I’m not a particular fan of country music per se, although there are a few country singers I wouldn’t mind seeing live, provided that the show was in a place like the Gruene (Texas) town hall, where I once saw Merle Haggard, or Austin’s Liberty Lunch bar (Bonnie Raitt, in her pre-Nick Of Time days).

And finally (!) I come to the point of this post, which is:  if I were going to attend a concert in a small country bar like Austin’s Broken Spoke or Route 20 in Racine, Wisconsin (where I once saw Bachman Turner Overdrive and Steppenwolf in a double-header), which three country artists would I prefer to see the most (instead of Taylor Swift)?

In no particular order:

  • David Allan Coe

    (I can’t believe he’s still alive)
  • Willie Nelson

    (ditto)
  • Shania Twain

And none of them would have to do a modern-style “show” (lighting, multiple costume changes, massive sound systems etc.);  just a small backing band, a bar stool and (preferably) an acoustic guitar would be fine.  I want to see the artist, not special effects.

Parenthetically, I wonder how well Taylor Swift would perform, under similar circumstances.  Would she still be as impressive?

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