Category: Funny Stuff

Worldly Goods

Funny Stuff

Not many people can tell a story like Taki, and this excerpt, about him signing his will at a lawyer’s office in Switzerland, is one of his gems:

An eerie business is the one about death and making a will.  One becomes a judge and jury of one’s friends, dispassionate and coldly rational, “reward and revenge standing at his elbow ready to nudge his pen.”
Not in my case. I’ve already made a will long ago and turned everything over to the mother of my children.  Let her deal with it, I simply cannot face it.
When I signed the will in front of a lawyer and notary public, the lawyer asked time and again if I was in my right mind.  (It’s a Swiss requirement.)  “Not really,” I answered, “but she’s got a gun pointed at me under the table.”
The Swiss did not find it funny and demanded I get serious.
“I’m seriously out of my mind,” I repeated, “but I don’t wish to be shot in cold blood.”
They threatened to walk out, so I gave in and signed after categorically stating that I was turning all my assets over of my free will.
I could almost hear them thinking what an idiot I must be.  The Swiss do not believe in letting easily go the root of all envy.

It should be remembered that the old Greek fart is himself heir to a considerable fortune derived from his family’s shipping business — no wonder the Swiss thought he was crazy, leaving it all to one person.

Alternative Site

Crime, Funny Stuff

At long last, Britishland is building a new (and large) prison somewhere in Yorkshire.  Predictably, all the NIMBYs are screaming and shouting because “eyesore”, “ugly” and so on.

This is the kind of thing that drives me mad.  On the one hand, it’s obvious to even the most stupid people (e.g.  liberals) that Britain needs MOAR PRISONS because MOAR CRIMINALS.  However, why build the thing in Yorkshire (which is quite pretty, in parts)?  With about ten minutes’ search, I found a far better location:  the (uninhabited) island of North Rona.  Here’s where it is on the map:

…and here’s what it looks like:

Yup:  over 200 acres of fuck-all, what better place to house criminals?  Remote, cold, windy… hell, on second thoughts why build a prison at all?  Tents, that’s the thing.  Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio and a dozen Mexicans would have them up in a few hours, job done, ship a couple thousand convicted criminals in (I’m thinking bastards like this one) and wave good-bye.  Don’t even need prison guards, so ongoing savings.

You can be damn sure that the mortality rate would allow for fresh shipments of assholes on a monthly basis, when the food supplies* are brought in.

And when the liberals start their predictable squealing about Krool & Hartless Treatment Of Misunderstood Yoofs… we substitute them for the criminals.

All in favor, say “Aye”…

*Bread, water, dog food, you get my drift.

Glimpse Of Sanity

Freaks & Loonies, Politics

At least someone seems to have held onto what nowadays passes for commonsense (and what in the old days would have been a slam-dunk):

George Conisbee, 20, told an employment tribunal that he was picked on for not eating meat while he was a waiter and barman at Lord Somerleyton’s historic hotel on his estate near Lowestoft, Suffolk.
But his claim was thrown out after the tribunal ruled that vegetarianism was a ‘lifestyle choice’ which was not protected under the 2010 Equality Act.

That would ordinarily be filed under “Blindingly Obvious”… but wait till you see on what grounds this little tit of a snowflake had filed his complaint:

He claimed that being vegetarian was ‘a protected characteristic’, giving him the same rights as employees who suffer discrimination over their religious beliefs or sexual orientation.

Veggie as a religion;  as if we needed any more proof that these tossers are total fucking nutcases.  (Or maybe “fucking nutcase” is a sexual orientation?  They’ll be claiming that, next.)

Oh, and he wasn’t fired for being a veggie — although I for one might use that as grounds for termination.  He was fired for arriving for work dressed like a slob (and I bet it wasn’t the first time, either).  All the rest was just a pathetic attempt to get his job back.

Finally, some sanity.

News Roundup

Bad News, Funny Stuff

Your favorite quickie news flashes of the week:

1) Goalie wins AK-47 for being badass — my kinda team award altogether;  although he’d better not bring that bad boy with him to the U.S. or else “Beta” O’Rourke will take it away from him.  [eyecross]

2) Trannie fired for classless attack on conservative woman — only fired?  He/she deserves a whipping.  Nebraska ain’t the state I remember — although this happened in Lincoln, which is to Nebraska as Austin is to Texas.

3)  Trump will “probably” support some kind of gun control legislation — I was going to say something about this, but I have to go buy some more AK ammo right now.  Back in a moment.

Okay… now where was I?

4)  All Democrats would ban fracking — as if higher taxes, gun control, [299 other bullshit policies]  aren’t sufficient reason not to vote for any of these fucking loons.

5)  “Genitalia is not an indicator of gender and it can be harmful to assume so” — ummm no;  actually, I’m pretty sure that ownership of a dick is the primary way to determine that someone’s a bloke, whether he uses it the Elton John Way or the John Holmes Way.  Ditto the vag — although Beto “Gimme Your ARs and AKs” O’Rourke (despite the alleged ownership of a penis) is still a total cunt, regardless of which way he swings.  Frankly, this so-called “gender fluidity” is a symptom of mental instability, not something to be proud of.  And to hell with the whole LGBTOSTFU rabble, while I’m on the topic, because it leads to insane shit like this.

6)  Climate change assholes admit to a fucking great lie — quelle surprise.  This one was about the vanishing polar bear population scare, which was based on a single photograph.  Sadly, there will be no floggings.

7)  Gun Sales Spike Despite Democrat Efforts To Slow It Down — substitute “because of” for “despite”, and you have a more truthful headline, RedState.

8)  Frogs and Brits go on strike, as usual — and Kim points to his earlier suggestion to re-institute flogging for unionized workers, as we do here in Texas*.

*Okay, we don’t actually  flog unionistas  in Texas, but it’s not for lack of trying.