Still from Liz Jones:
I was reminded of a wedding I went to with my then husband Nirpal. The groom had hand made a book of poems about his love for his bride, which he then proceeded to read out loud to her and us. I’d turned to Nirpal and hissed crossly, “Why didn’t you do that for me when we got married?”
And he’d replied, “Think yourself lucky. The groom has had sex with other men.”
Remember: when you think you’ve had it rough, there’s always someone else who’s had it worse.
Headlines, with pissy pithy comments.
1) Militant Vegan Gets Smacked By Court — guy should have just shot the bitch. And in a totally unrelated piece of news…
2) Veganism Makes You Stupid — most religions, when they mess with your diet, are also stupid.
3) Stupid Is Hereditary, If Vegan — fortunately, most vegans appear to be childless, as they’re too tired to have sex, probably. Although it would appear that the only thing more stupid than vegans are Customs officials, as below.
4) Vegan “Food” Mistaken For Drugs — although I could probably understand that the crap probably set off the drug-sniffing dogs, their howls of disgust mistaken for drug-triggering.
5) Vegan Eats Meat, Survives — she probably thought it was delicious, until told there was Evil Meat inside. What’s funny is that she never noticed it was meat. Clearly, her “vegan-radar” was deficient (amongst so many other deficiencies).
6) KFC Tests Meatless Meats — as long as this insanity doesn’t spread to Chik-Fil-A, I’m cool.
7) …As Does Greggs — as if the news about their shrinking pastries wasn’t bad enough… and with that, I can now officially announce the arrival of End Times.
As we Murkins head into the last long weekend of the summer, I thought it would be appropriate to see how others do long weekends — or specifically, how they do a “Bank Holiday” weekend in Britishland.
Last weekend, in fact, was the hottest such on record in the U.K., so of course the pasty-skinned Brits headed for the beach to get properly burned:
Okay,there were some sorta-worthwhile sights along the way:
But if stuck in London, there was always the annual Notting Hill Carnival:
And for the sake of balance, just to prove that I can be inclusive:
Or, if it was too hot in daytime, one could always wait until night time and hit the pubs:
If I didn’t know better, I’d say this lot were having a pee through the windows:
You have to admire their stupidity bravery in balancing precariously (and, one assumes, drunkenly) over those anti-pigeon spikes, though.
But none of that is exclusive to Britishland, really — you could do all that anywhere in the world. To make the thing British, you’d have to participate in the World Bog Snorkelling Championships, wherein one has to swim through a malodorous boggy trench — and this is what makes it truly British — in fancy-dress costume:
Given the choices at the top of this page, I think I’d rather do the Bog thing, dressed as a Viking.
Still, in the same spirit: enjoy the Labor Day Weekend, folks!
Wait a minute… this tool said this in Plano? Plano, TEXAS?
A former Democratic candidate for local office in Plano, Texas is warning Trump supporters – If he sees anybody wearing MAGA hats in public he’s going to hit them with a profanity-laced tirade.
…and even though I don’t like to wear baseball caps, now I have to get one, just on the off-chance. Or maybe one of these… oh yes, baby:
I just wish I knew where this little weasel hangs out so I could go there after the thing’s been delivered. The Notions Department at Target, no doubt, given his self-description.
Stirling Morris, a self-described feminist, LGBTQ supporter, and ‘global citizen,’ took to Twitter to express random disdain for Deplorables whom he describes as “racist, xenophobic, homophobic, misogynistic, bigoted hate-mongers.”
Oh sweetheart… you don’t know what hate is. Or a “profanity-laced tirade”, for that matter. But you will.
Pity the fool.
I made a stunning discovery over the weekend when reading this article in the Babylon Bee:
Authorities ran tests on the clone and found extremely high levels of hypersensitivity, dramatic tendencies, excessive sass, and severe humor comprehension impairment. “We presented her with many jokes unrelated to her on any level. We found that she took them all personally, no matter how irrational a connection.” [emphasis added]
So there it is, folks: today’s liberals / social democrats / socialists / “woke” generation [massive overlap] have been scientifically proven to have the temperament of a 12-year-old girl*.
*I’m not sure if this post qualifies as “meta-satire”, but then I’m no English major.
…wherein I couldn’t be bothered to post anything more than a one-line comment.
1) Stanford pushes separate physics course for minority students — the problem won’t be finding “minority” students for these classes — I fully expect them to be dumbed down to 10th-grade level so as to pass as many as possible– but I’m more interested in where Stanford will find the minority lecturers to teach them. (Also: which minorities? Can we insist that Physics For Minorities 1.0 must include Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Persian and Jewish students instead of just the stupid minorities?)
2) Global Warming High Priest Loses Court Case — He refused to reveal his “source” data because it was all invented and he knew that it wouldn’t even stand up to scrutiny by a freshman Statistics class. Quelle surprise.
3) BritPM Politely Tells The EU To Eff Off — this after hearing that the U.S. will give them a quick, yuge and profitable trade deal. In essence, Boris said “No deal? No exit fee.” (The EU will have difficulty staying together without Britishland’s annual contribution, which is why they’re trying to stop Brexit, as any fule kno.)
4) Joe Walsh Announces Presidential Run — Hey, he warned us that he would, many years ago.
Couldn’t do much worse than any of the Socialist candidates, IMO.
5) Lefties Start Turning Towards Violence — …and Kim buys more ammo and goes to the range. (Incidentally, when I took the Browning High Wall .45-70 Govt to the indoor range a couple days back, I told the nervous young clerk that the bullet wouldn’t go through the back wall, but it might push it over. Only the laughter from the older guys stopped him from doing something silly.)