Category: Funny Stuff

AIDS Cure Found In Dolphin Livers

Funny Stuff, Nature

Okay, nothing quite reaches that  finding on the Kim Irony Scale, but this one sure comes close:

Cleaner waterways in New York City have attracted more sea life, including seals, dolphins, whales, and sharks in bigger numbers than seen in a century.
Sadly, many don’t survive the trip — there are also more mammals washing ashore or getting stranded.
Cases of beached whales have surged statewide, from 22 in 2009-2013 to 41 from 2014-2018, data from the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration shows.
In the city, Breezy Point in Queens has become the top place for beached whales, with two dead humpbacks being discovered there in 2018, according to the Atlantic Marine Conservation Society.
A third whale found last year was hauled off the beach in Jamaica Bay in September.

So Greenies, what’s it gonna be:

  • dirty water / no dead whales on the beach, or
  • sparkly-clean water / dead whales all over the place?

I’ll be over there in the corner, laughing my ass off.

Well, Duh

Mocking Furriners

Seems like the Frogs have something called “social envy”, as discussed here.

A leader of the Yellow Vest movement, Ingrid Levavasseur, criticised “the inertia of big corporations over social misery while they are showing themselves capable of mobilising a crazy amount of cash overnight for Notre Dame”.
Philippe Martinez, head of France’s largest trade union, CGT, said: “Now understand that there are billionaires who have huge amounts of money and in one click put 200m, 100m on the table. It shows the inequalities in this country, which we regularly demonstrate against.”
Such criticism has been widespread. On French breakfast television last week, a guest insulted the Notre Dame donors as “rich bastards”, and even the moderate newspaper Le Monde wrote that “too much is too much”.

Even  Le Monde?  The irony is strong with this one, as that rag is typically to the left of Hillary Clinton.

No, what surprised me was this little snippet:

The international Ipsos Mori survey, in which dozens of questions were submitted to respondents, showed that the French have a particularly critical attitude towards rich people. Based on its findings, a Social Envy Coefficient was calculated, making it possible to measure how strong social envy against rich people is in a country.
According to this coefficient, social envy is highest in France with a score of 1.26, followed by Germany with 0.97. It is significantly lower in the US (0.42) and the UK (0.37).

I don’t know where they conducted the U.S. part of the survey — I’m suspecting the East- and West Coast major cities — but I am amazed to learn (by this survey’s metrics) that we Murkins are more socially envious than the Brits.  We aren’t.  There is no expression over here that is in any way similar to the withering “fucking toffs”, for example, and our initial impression on seeing someone driving a Ferrari is “I want one of those”, and not “I want his“.

We may hate our self-professed social elites, but we sure as hell don’t envy them, or their wealth.  Our loathing is directed more at their paternalistic bossiness.

But that’s not to say that we are aren’t occasionally tempted to borrow an old custom from the Frogs and apply it to scum like, say, the entire Humanities Department at Harvard or the editorial committee of The New York Times...

Not Sustainable

Funny Stuff

Apparently, there was a new thing at Coachella this year, whereby young sluts whores women walked around with only glitter to cover their superstructure:

 

I note that among this be-glittered set, there was a certain (shall we say) volumetric uniformity  amongst them.  Ditto age, whereby Mother Nature and Father Gravity have not yet exerted their joint influence upon such superstructures.

Which is why this fad can only be temporary.  Imagine the tonnage of glitter required for someone not similarly structured Read more

Different Solution

Freaks & Loonies

I spoke last week about one solution to this problem (i.e., throwing the filthy scum off Waterloo Bridge).  However, as a couple of observant Readers told me, there’s a problem:  shit floats, and so there won’t be an adequate mortality rate.

So let’s ratchet the thing up a tad, shall we?  And will anyone be surprised that my next solution to the scum-in-the-streets issue comes from yesteryear?  Oh yes, it does:

It’s called the Sherman “Crab”, from WWII, and here’s what it looks like in action:

Imagine a few of these bad boys employed against this lot:

Try not to giggle like a little girl.

Next week, we’ll be looking at the Angry Bee Solution (developed by Your Humble Host).

Happy Easter

Train Smash Women

I know, you’re asking yourself:  “Why is this atheist wishing me well over a religious holiday?”  Silly rabbits;  we’re looking at how other people  started the Easter celebrations — which, as our trip takes us to Newcaste-On-Tyne, Britishland, means…

Train Smash Women!!! (and play this as background music for this post)

And who better to kick off the parade of unfortunate choices, regrettable mistakes and foolish behavior which characterize the species, than this creature:

Is she not magnificent?  But let me not pause the entertainment:

And last, but by no means least:

That said, their dates (when they had them) were not exactly prime beef either:

I once referred to Liverpool as Train Smash Central.  If so, they have a serious challenger for the title in Newcastle.

Scaring The Neighbors

Drive Time, Funny Stuff, The Gun Thing

At my advanced age and concomitantly-advanced skepticism, it’s not often that something has the power to cause roars of laughter of a volume sufficient for the neighbors to call apartment management to check in case I was injured or violently ill or something.  Reader Gwalchmai sent me this article via email, and I would caution you all to read it in a secluded spot, lest your laughter cause similar mayhem.

A (very) brief sample:

For the wilder Microturbo Thrust unit, advertising claimed for the model T-16-A Formula J Thrust Engine an additional 1,980 hp was at your fingertips. In reality a small rocket-thrust engine, once ignited, hot gases were instantaneously unleashed, spinning small turbine blades in the housing, with an optional turbine wheel available to create “spectacular flaming night runs,” according to Turbonique hype. This option was for those needing more sensorial input than the shockwave of 600-psi ignited rocket fuel slammed into a 100,000-rpm Inconel orb—all taking place right behind your head, as you glide an inch or two off the ground.
The snail-looking device, with what looked like a child’s bicycle horn protruding from one end, came with “easy to follow installation and operating instructions.” We assume the operating instructions were basically, “Don’t do it!” As for the bicycle horns, those were aluminum nozzles used by NASA in space. They were just for publicity, and in actual use would have melted in seconds.

And it gets better, when instances of “actual use” are described.

Now, in similar spirit, allow me to show a prototype cartridge I’m working on:  the .750 Kimbo self-defense cartridge* (shown with a .357 Mag cartridge to provide scale):

Manly men only need apply.  Even Ken Barrett took one look and went pale, as did the guys at Magnum Research.  Someone at Taurus apparently committed suicide when they saw the photo, and Smith & Wesson responded in the negative, via their attorneys.  Ruger called it “interesting”, but that’s all.

Only the folks at Bond Arms thought it looked “cool”, and are thinking of including a Derringer thus chambered in their 2020 catalog. Read more