OGIM…
So let’s dig things out and get on the road with a little funny stuff:
And by way of an apology to all the Ford-heads:
Now get this roadshow going…
Category: Funny Stuff
News Roundup
Your favorite quickie news flashes of the week:
1) Goalie wins AK-47 for being badass — my kinda team award altogether; although he’d better not bring that bad boy with him to the U.S. or else “Beta” O’Rourke will take it away from him. [eyecross]
2) Trannie fired for classless attack on conservative woman — only fired? He/she deserves a whipping. Nebraska ain’t the state I remember — although this happened in Lincoln, which is to Nebraska as Austin is to Texas.
3) Trump will “probably” support some kind of gun control legislation — I was going to say something about this, but I have to go buy some more AK ammo right now. Back in a moment.
Okay… now where was I?
4) All Democrats would ban fracking — as if higher taxes, gun control, [299 other bullshit policies] aren’t sufficient reason not to vote for any of these fucking loons.
5) “Genitalia is not an indicator of gender and it can be harmful to assume so” — ummm no; actually, I’m pretty sure that ownership of a dick is the primary way to determine that someone’s a bloke, whether he uses it the Elton John Way or the John Holmes Way. Ditto the vag — although Beto “Gimme Your ARs and AKs” O’Rourke (despite the alleged ownership of a penis) is still a total cunt, regardless of which way he swings. Frankly, this so-called “gender fluidity” is a symptom of mental instability, not something to be proud of. And to hell with the whole LGBTOSTFU rabble, while I’m on the topic, because it leads to insane shit like this.
6) Climate change assholes admit to a fucking great lie — quelle surprise. This one was about the vanishing polar bear population scare, which was based on a single photograph. Sadly, there will be no floggings.
7) Gun Sales Spike Despite Democrat Efforts To Slow It Down — substitute “because of” for “despite”, and you have a more truthful headline, RedState.
8) Frogs and Brits go on strike, as usual — and Kim points to his earlier suggestion to re-institute flogging for unionized workers, as we do here in Texas*.
*Okay, we don’t actually flog unionistas in Texas, but it’s not for lack of trying.
Caption Competition #89
Your suggestions in Comments.
Monday Funnies
Oh yes, it’s Monday again:
So to buoy up your spirits, how about a little mirth?
…and speaking of the classics:
And finally:
Now go get some breakfast, and try to keep your heads above water this week.
News Roundup
1) British holidaymaker, 71, is shot dead on tourist paradise of Turks and Caicos as robbers burst into house to steal cash and jewellery — fake news; private citizens are banned from owning guns in T&C, so this couldn’t possibly have happened.
2) British vegan activist is covered in blood when ‘farmers chase her down a motorway and shoot through her car window after she freed 16 of their rabbits’ — looks like the Spanish farmers need more range time.
3) ISIS strap suicide vests to COWS and blow the animals up in attack that failed to kill any humans in Iraq — that’s the end of ISIS: now they’ve pissed off PETA. (Funny how there aren’t any “militant vegan activists” in Iraq…)
4) Hundreds of illegal guns flood city after gun ban — let’s hear it for “Australian-style” gun control.
5) Women marry men for money — and if there aren’t men rich enough, they don’t marry at all. Another big surprise.
6) Bonk more, and life feels better — another shocker, brought to you by !Science!
7) Mugabe dies — about time, and about forty years too late. Africa wins again.
Die Young, Stupid Peasants!
It appears that a Democratic Socialist presidential candidate wants us all to die young, and stupid:
Andrew Yang agrees that the world should stop eating meat immediately.
“The U.N. just released a study that said we’re going to be OK if the vast majority of the world goes vegetarian immediately,” the entrepreneur and 2020 Democratic presidential candidate said. “So, it’s good for the environment, it’s good for your health if you eat less meat. Certainly, meat is an extraordinarily expensive thing to produce from an environmental sustainability point of view. So, I think it would be healthy on both an individual and societal level for us to move in that direction.”
Oh, well if the United Nations says that, then it’s all tickety-boo, and so of course we have to follow their dicta slavishly.
Then we have the Vegetarian Deniers’ input, here:
Vegetarians have a 20% higher risk of suffering a stroke than meat eaters ‘because they miss out on key vitamins’
And we’re also going to become more stupid, before we die young:
Plant-based diets `risk insufficient intake of brain-critical nutrient´, says nutritionist.
Hell, with vegans, we don’t even have to wait until the next generation for Teh Stupid to manifest itself. [loud laughter warning]
But to return to the point at hand: I hadn’t heard about this Yang creature before, other than that he’s about as loony as all the others in the Socialist Clown Car — and judging from his polling numbers, just about everyone else thinks the same way I do.
What I want to know is: how many of the other Socialist assholes support his thesis? Now there’s a question for the next debate. Just don’t hold your breath waiting for it to be asked.