Category: Funny Stuff

News Roundup

Bad News, Funny Stuff

1)  British holidaymaker, 71, is shot dead on tourist paradise of Turks and Caicos as robbers burst into house to steal cash and jewellery —  fake news;  private citizens are banned from owning guns in T&C, so this couldn’t possibly have happened.

2)  British vegan activist is covered in blood when ‘farmers chase her down a motorway and shoot through her car window after she freed 16 of their rabbits’ —  looks like the Spanish farmers need more range time.

3)  ISIS strap suicide vests to COWS and blow the animals up in attack that failed to kill any humans in Iraq —  that’s the end of ISIS:  now they’ve pissed off PETA.  (Funny how there aren’t any “militant vegan activists” in Iraq…)

4)  Hundreds of illegal guns flood city after gun ban —  let’s hear it for “Australian-style” gun control.

5)  Women marry men for money — and if there aren’t men rich enough, they don’t marry at all.   Another big surprise.

6)  Bonk more, and life feels better —  another shocker, brought to you by !Science!

7)  Mugabe dies —  about time, and about forty years too late.  Africa wins again.

Die Young, Stupid Peasants!

Elections, Freaks & Loonies, Politics

It appears that a Democratic Socialist presidential candidate wants us all to die young, and stupid:

Andrew Yang agrees that the world should stop eating meat immediately.
“The U.N. just released a study that said we’re going to be OK if the vast majority of the world goes vegetarian immediately,” the entrepreneur and 2020 Democratic presidential candidate said. “So, it’s good for the environment, it’s good for your health if you eat less meat. Certainly, meat is an extraordinarily expensive thing to produce from an environmental sustainability point of view. So, I think it would be healthy on both an individual and societal level for us to move in that direction.”

Oh, well if the United Nations  says that, then it’s all tickety-boo, and so of course  we have to follow their dicta slavishly.

Then we have the Vegetarian Deniers’ input, here:

Vegetarians have a 20% higher risk of suffering a stroke than meat eaters ‘because they miss out on key vitamins’

And we’re also going to become more stupid, before we die young:

Plant-based diets `risk insufficient intake of brain-critical nutrient´, says nutritionist.

Hell, with vegans, we don’t even have to wait until the next generation for Teh Stupid to manifest itself.  [loud laughter warning]

But to return to the point at hand:  I hadn’t heard about this Yang creature before, other than that he’s about as loony as all the others in the Socialist Clown Car — and judging from his polling numbers, just about everyone else thinks the same way I do.

What I want to know is:  how many of the other  Socialist assholes support his thesis?  Now there’s a question for the next debate.  Just don’t hold your breath waiting for it to be asked.

Comeback Competition #1

Funny Stuff

In similar vein to the Friday Caption Competition on this website, here’s a new one.

I’m going to post a totally stupid twitter, and you guys create your own comebacks in Comments, thus:

Sample Twit:

Comeback examples:

and:

So here’s the first idiotic twit, for your joyful dismemberment:  

Help yourselves, in Comments.

Dodged One There

Funny Stuff

Still from Liz Jones:

I was reminded of a wedding I went to with my then husband Nirpal. The groom had hand made a book of poems about his love for his bride, which he then proceeded to read out loud to her and us. I’d turned to Nirpal and hissed crossly, “Why didn’t you do that for me when we got married?”
And he’d replied, “Think yourself lucky. The groom has had sex with other men.”

Remember:  when you think you’ve had it rough, there’s always  someone else who’s had it worse.

 

News Roundup – Vegan Edition

Freaks & Loonies

Headlines, with pissy pithy comments.

1) Militant Vegan Gets Smacked By Court — guy should have just shot the bitch.  And in a totally  unrelated piece of news…

2) Veganism Makes You Stupid — most religions, when they mess with your diet, are also stupid.

3) Stupid Is Hereditary, If Vegan — fortunately, most vegans appear to be childless, as they’re too tired to have sex, probably.  Although it would appear that the only thing more stupid than vegans are Customs officials, as below.

4) Vegan “Food” Mistaken For Drugs — although I could probably understand that the crap probably set off the drug-sniffing dogs, their howls of disgust mistaken for drug-triggering.

5) Vegan Eats Meat, Survives — she probably thought it was delicious, until told there was Evil Meat inside.  What’s funny is that she never noticed it was meat.  Clearly, her “vegan-radar” was deficient (amongst so many other deficiencies).

6) KFC Tests Meatless Meats — as long as this insanity doesn’t spread to Chik-Fil-A, I’m cool.

7) …As Does Greggs — as if the news about their shrinking pastries wasn’t bad enough… and with that, I can now officially announce the arrival of End Times.