Category: Funny Stuff

Good Advertising

Funny Stuff

One of my favorite ad campaigns of all time was that of Smirnoff during the 1970s.  Basically, the formula was a series of ads using the riff of “I thought or did [x], until I discovered Smirnoff.”  Here’s one example:

And:

Other examples include:

  • “I thought Cunnilingus was the Irish airline, until I discovered Smirnoff.”
  • “I thought Wanking was a city in China, until I discovered Smirnoff.”
  • “I thought the Salvation Army came from Salvatia, until I discovered Smirnoff.”
  • “I thought a ménage à trois was a French dish, until I discovered Smirnoff.”
  • “I thought crabs meant soft-shell, until I discovered Smirnoff.”
  • “I thought Fellatio was an admiral in the Royal Navy, until I discovered Smirnoff.”

…and so on.  The lines could be innocuous like the ones in the pictures, or else as racy as the others listed.  Whatever their bent, they were all hilarious, and the theme is actually timeless (the mark of truly great advertising).

Feel free to add your own suggestions on the same theme, in Comments  —  e.g. “I thought the Clinton Foundation was a charity, until I discovered Smirnoff.”

Coming And Going

Funny Stuff, Men & Women

I knew quite a few men in my yoof who ran this danger:

A small Australian marsupial known as the antechinus shot to fame after the discovery of two new species five years ago, when scientists revealed how males every mating season are, quite literally, killing themselves by having too much sex.
During the brief breeding period, males ferociously copulate with as many females as possible, in violent sessions that can last upwards of 14 hours – and, their bodies deteriorate as a result.
In the animal kingdom, reproduction can be a dangerous and peculiar game.

Not just in the animal kingdom, Bubba. In humans, this circumstance is known as “Spring Break” where, as is the case for the antechinus, all that’s required is a multitude of willing female partners.

(If perchance you spot your daughter or [shudder]  granddaughter in either of the above pics, I apologize sincerely.)

And for those callow young men who think this antechinal fate couldn’t possibly befall them, let me assure you:  after a single bout of frantic lovemaking, you’ll be pleasantly sated; but after four such encounters with different partners, even over a whole weekend, you’ll feel like death would be a welcome respite.

So trust me:  after fourteen partners on the trot, your internal (and for that matter external) organs, like that of antechinus, are going to resemble raw beef, eggs and carrots after a minute spent in a blender.

Don’t ask me how I know this. I still have the nightmares.

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice, Funny Stuff

“Dear Dr. Kim,
“I like keeping myself fit, so I jog every day, sometimes twice a day. My boyfriend resents all this time I spend away from him, and told me to stop. In fact, he threatened to break off our engagement if I didn’t. What should I do?”
— Fitness-Obsessed, Los Angeles

Dear Obsessive:
Keep jogging. Frankly, if he’s that much of a control freak (and he is), then you’ll be well rid of him. And for your next boyfriend, pick someone who’s as big an idiot about jogging as you are.
— Dr. Kim