Category: Funny Stuff

Clueless

Marketing / Advertising, Morons & Idiots, Travels

Also in my Inbox, this time from American Airlines:

Bearing in mind that I live in north Texas and have pretty much all the heat I can handle (and more), which garden spots can AA be pimping?

#1:

It’s also known for its crime and tourist ripoffs.  Also, isn’t hurricane season just around the corner?  Pass.  Next:

#2:


Ah yes… NYfC in the summer heat.  Always a pleasure, in a place whose crime and ripoffs make T&C look like a bunch of complete amateurs — and that was before all the recent silliness.  As they say there, fuggeddabahdit.  Next:

#3:

In Texas terms, going to Florida in summer is described as “out of the frying pan and onto the gas ring.”  Thanks, but if I want heat and humidity, I can just step out onto my patio.  And finally:

#4:

Yeah, thanks.  If I want Mex street food, we’ve got a couple taco trucks that can be found the apartment parking lot every Friday and Saturday.  And… Aztec ruins, in Mexico City?  I thought the conquistadores  kinda leveled them.  But I could be wrong, as I may be wrong about Mex City’s crime rate.

Great promotion, American.  You utter dicks.

Round One To The Good Guys

Elections, Mocking Furriners

When Charles De Gaulle stated that it was impossible to govern a country which produced 246 types of cheese, he was really talking about politics.  So in a country where there are at a rough guess about five political parties per voter, national elections are two-rounders:  the first round eliminates most of the outliers, and the thing gets serious in the second round.

Even so, I was surprised at the first round results:  National Rally garnered a full third of the votes cast, with FrogPres “Granny-Shagger” Macron’s “globalist” party a distant third (after the Socialists).

Marine Le Pen‘s far-right* National Rally party led France’s snap parliamentary elections on Sunday with 33% of the vote, according to the interior ministry, with the leftist alliance New Popular Front following in second place at almost 28%. President Macron’s ruling coalition trailed in third place with 20%.

Of course, the Left accepted the election results stoically… nah, just kidding, they went all hair on fire and screaming riots, as is their wont when the people don’t vote the way they want them to.

The French people may have spoken at the ballot box, but the result clearly left some feeling very upset. Protests erupted in several French cities overnight, most particularly in Paris, where thousands gathered. The New Popular Front, which represents a spectrum of left wing parties from the pro-European Union centrists to full-blooded communists has earlier threatened they would “resist” the result if the RN won, and the protests may be the firs throes of that, although given there is a week to run until the second round of the election actually allocates the majority of the seats and decides whether Le Pen’s RN can command a majority in the house or not, perhaps expect more violence next week.

Comment of the week:  “Every dead cop means one less vote for Le Pen”, thus combining support for lawlessness with political terrorism in one pithy sentence.

On a parallel note:  the Greens got no votes at all (being part of the 3.1% “Other”, which encompasses over a dozen parties.

Roll on, Sunday.

*they aren’t, except by the standards of the Howling Left.

Here Comes Another One

Advice, Freaks & Loonies

It will help if while reading this piece, you hum the tune to the above title (as recorded by Monty Python on their final album).

It was only last week when I slotted this little item into a News Roundup:

…and here’s an update, with a younger member of the Nostradamus Tribe being a little more cagey, timewise:

A man who has been dubbed the ‘living Nostradamus’ claims ‘the worst is yet to come’, suggesting the world is teetering on the edge of WWIII.  

Athos Salomé, 36, who is a trained parapsychologist from Brazil, is often referred to as a psychic due to the accuracy of his insights and predictions, after previously foreseeing the coronavirus pandemic, Elon Musk buying Twitter, now called X, and even Queen Elizabeth II’s death.

Now, as people worry about the escalation of conflicts and humanitarian crises, he warns that ‘a small incident’ could set off a series of terrifying events. 

Key phrase:  “trained parapsychologist” (one could be snarky and add “Brazil”, but if we’ve learned anything, it’s that these loons can pop up anywhere).

If these Nostradami actually worked as advertised, they wouldn’t be hammering on about global catastrophes — at least, I wouldn’t, if endowed with these magical powers.

I certainly wouldn’t be blathering on vaguely about nonsense like “And there shall be a great pestilence come upon the land” [at some unmentioned date, in some unmentioned country].

No, I would be ensconced in the Presidential Suite at the Hôtel de Paris in Monte Carlo, paying for my accommodation (not to mention more than a few unsavory indulgences) by plonking a grand or so on 27 at the Casino’s roulette wheel each night.  That’s at least a useful application of the magic power, and not providing fodder for some crappy newspaper’s This Week’s Things To Panic About! section.

But perhaps I’m being too dismissive.

Sarajevo, anyone?  As Bismarck once said, it will be just some damn thing in the Balkans… now that was an accurate prediction.

Next Week: Armageddon

Elections, Mocking Furriners

…for the Brits, anyway, as they are going to vote the Communist Labour Party into power because reasons.

After Bill Clinton was elected President, I remember expressing my amazement to a friend that almost the very first thing he did was increase taxes.  My friend’s response was withering:  “Of course he raised taxes:  he’s a fucking Democrat, and that’s what they do.”

Now back over The Pond…

Here’s the opinion of the Greatest Living Englishman on the topic:

Anyone who thinks that Labour will behave in any way differently to what Clarkson says needs to jump off a cliff.  And in fact Labour may do worse, much worse.

I’m not taking any bets on that.