Funny Stuff – Page 43 – Splendid Isolation

Here’s a real tearjerker for you:

Lowri Rose grew up in a devout Christian home but her local church “grassed” on her when she started flogging naked snaps.

Her stepdad then called her to say the family wanted nothing to do with her and she has had zero contact with them since.

Gosh… if her family had only had some small clue about her side job, say on their summer holidays:

…or around the house:

…or even in the backyard:

Ugh. If she was a waitress, I wouldn’t even want her serving my food.

In an article so stupid that one would heave the laptop into the pool to escape it, a couple of statements nevertheless managed to stick like burrs onto an idle brain cell.

A successful porn star has shared her expert knowledge – and that includes how men can improve during sex.
Angela White – who has been dubbed “the Meryl Streep of porn” – has 932million views on Pornhub and countless subscribers on OnlyFans.
The 37-year-old is without a doubt one of Australia’s most successful exports, having 95 awards thanks to her performances.

The rest of the article is completely pointless and forgettable, but the last statement was the burr, leading to the tangential thought: what else has Australia memorably exported from its island shores to the rest of the planet?

I’m trying to think of many, or any, Oz exports outside the sporting world (in which area the Strylians admittedly excel). So leaving aside Rod Laver, Greg Norman, Donald Bradman, Margaret Court, Shane Warne, Graham Thorpe and their ilk, what’s left?

Actors Paul Hogan, Nicole Kidman, the Brothers Hemsworth, Hugh Jackman etc. and a few directors (Peter Weir comes to mind)… novelists Patrick White, James Clavell, Thomas Keneally, Colleen McCullough, Neville Shute…

…and that’s pretty much it. (No doubt my Strylian Readers will step up in Comments to chide me, and that’s a Good Thing.)

When it comes to stuff (as opposed to people), the gruel is thin indeed. Of Foster’s Lager and Vegemite we will not speak, and I can’t think of any more Oz exports that come to mind. (There is a list of Oz inventions which is quite astonishing, but a great many of them were developed elsewhere e.g. the U.K. and the U.S.)

As for the above-mentioned Angela White we will say even less, except that if she is indeed “one of Australia’s most successful exports”, the Land Down Under needs to up its game.

Or we need to revise our definition of “successful exports”.

Here’s noted Oz export Isla Fisher:

…who is known principally for her appalling taste in husbands.

Ah yes, Monday has arrived…

So let’s get on with fixing the train wreck.

I think I dated her sister in college… and speaking of dates:

And some Christmas leftovers, “Bad Elf” division:

Finally, here’s Charlotte McSkinny (who is not an elf) and her legs:

Admit it: you never got that far down, did you?

Get on with yer week, ya pervs.

So here we go with the usual selection of tasteless yet refined nonsense, this time centered around the weekend’s partying:

And just for the hell of it, an after-party shot:

Happy Monday, y’all.

…that would be our Brit Cousins, who yesterday celebrated Boxing Day not by sitting by a warm fire eating crumpets etc., oh no. Apparently, the Boxing Day “tradition” Over There is to freeze your appendages off in this manner: