Funny Stuff – Page 52 – Splendid Isolation

Most British Headline Ever

August 9, 2022 Kim du Toit Mocking Furriners

I remember a story told to me once about a British bishop who was given a residence which happened to be in the middle of a golf course. As it turned out, the property was unfenced, which ordinarily wouldn’t have been an issue, except that the bishop owned a black Labrador pup and club regulations banned all dogs from the course.

So, in the best British manner, they made the dog a member of the club, which resolved the issue.

I was reminded of this story when I saw this article, with the exquisite headline:

Guinness-guzzling Shetland pony BANNED from pub just one week after being made mayor

The story goes:

Council bosses have banned the Guinness-loving horse from The Drum Inn, in Cockington, after he was given his special title at a ceremony held on July 23.
The honour was granted in response to an online campaign to elect him to the post following the death of previous mayor Don Mills.
Despite his job title, Patrick, a Miniature Shetland, is now in trouble, as a planning enforcement officer told the pub they need planning permission for him to be allowed to graze in the pub garden.

This is easily the most British story ever, in that it combines love of animals, eccentricity and humorless, bullying officialdom all in a single tale.

The only thing that would make it a perfect story would be if Patrick were to bite the pissy little planning enforcement officer in the ass the next time he ventured into the pub.

…And One That’s Pure Louisiana, Cher

August 9, 2022 Kim du Toit Crime, Freaks & Loonies, Funny Stuff

Okay, maybe Florida too; but the Cajuns got there first.

A man in Louisiana is facing various drug charges and wildlife violations after authorities found him with too many sharks in his boat and an undisclosed amount of methamphetamine.

I just can’t.

You can tell from the number of tags to this story that I have absolutely no clue how to categorize this.

Monday Funnies

August 8, 2022 Kim du Toit Funny Stuff

Oh…whatever made you think it was Monday?

So while we’re waiting for the caffeine to kick in…

…and if you know why that’s funny, shame on you.

And for us Olde Pharttes:

Now stop dreaming about those evil memories, and get to work.

Another Added To The List

August 3, 2022 Kim du Toit Freaks & Loonies, Nannies, Politics

There is no limit to the micro-managing that a Blue state can descend to:

The bill — Creating a Respectful and Open World for Natural Hair — prohibits discrimination based on natural and protective hairstyles, including braids, locks, twists and Bantu knots. It also blocks Bay Staters from being denied employment or educational opportunities due to their hairstyles and textures.
Gov. Baker described the nexus of the CROWN Act as a “citizen movement,” started by a “very small number of people in which the right thing to do became clearer and clearer the longer the discussion went on.”

And while we’re there, some old-fashioned ones:

And of course, my old favorite style chart:

Noobs

August 2, 2022 Kim du Toit Freaks & Loonies

Oy. When you’re going to try to assassinate someone for the first time, perhaps you shouldn’t ask Google for help:

Nicholas Roske searched on Google for the “quietest semi auto rifle” and the “most effective place to stab someone” before he arrived outside Kavanaugh’s home in June.

I don’t know much about stabbing (okay, I do, but not as much as I know about semi-auto rifles), but “quietest semi auto rifle” ? How about, NONE, you fucking moron.

Okay, a little .22 semi like a Ruger or Marlin wouldn’t be as loud as, say, an AR-15 or even a Remington 7400; but if we’re talking serious man-killer chamberings, I think I’m safe in saying that they’re all pretty fucking loud.

In a way, though, I’m glad the little prick was so stupid. Had he been a serious shooter, Kavanaugh might have been in trouble.

Even better, though, was this:

The 26-year-old also said in an online chat forum he was going to “remove some people from the supreme court” to “stop roe v wade from being overturned.”
“I could get at least one, which would change the votes for decades to come,” Roske said, “and I am shooting for 3.” [sic]

Uh huh.

By the way, isn’t that Rem 7400 a cutie? And it’s in the manly .30-06 Springfield, which I doubt that our Gen Z wannabe-killer would be able to handle anyway.