Category: Funny Stuff

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

Funny Stuff, Old Fartism

Sent to me by Longtime Buddy Mervyn:

AAADD – Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

This is how it manifests . I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing. As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the front verandah table that I brought up from the mail box earlier, just after the mailman had made the delivery.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I put my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage bin beside the table, and noticed that the bin is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.

How to replace a jean button – that looks like a jean button. But, then I think, since I’m going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway (and the mailman picks up the mail at noon) I may as well pay the bills first. So, I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left. My spare check book is in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I’d been drinking earlier this morning.

I know I was going to look for my check book, but first I need to push the Coke can aside so that I don’t accidentally knock it over. The Coke is warm, so I decide to put it in the refrigerator to make it cold again. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the dining room table catches my eye — they need water.

I put the Coke on the dining room table and discover my reading glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to put more water in the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the table, go to the kitchen sink to get a jug and fill it with water and suddenly spot the TV remote on the window sill. Someone left it there.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I’ll be looking for the remote, but I won’t remember that it’s on the window sill, so I decide to put it back in the living room where it belongs, but first I’ll water the flowers. I pour some water in the jug, but spill some on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the kitchen bench, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

– the car isn’t washed
– the checks aren’t written for the bills to be paid
– there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the dining room table
– the flowers don’t have enough water,
– there is still only 1 check in my check book,
– I can’t find the remote,
– I can’t find my glasses,
– the garbage hasn’t been taken out
– and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I’m really tired now. I realise this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it.

As I replied to Mervyn, that’s actually quite a productive day… for me.

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

‘Nuff said.  So, crack a smile:

…and let’s get going:

Well, enough of that silly stuff.  Here’s today’s history lesson:

Pics Of The First-Ever Bikini (Paris, 1946)

 

 

Micheline Bernardini was the model.

Feel more educated?

Big Bruvva’s Watching, Mate

Gummint, Mocking Furriners

In East Germany  Australia, the Stasi  Gummint is stepping up their efforts to spy on its slaves  citizens:

The next generation of speed cameras being rolled out in Western Australia don’t only catch lead foots but also snap drivers using mobile phones or not wearing seat belts.

In a $1.5million three-month trial, the first mobile point-to-point road safety cameras in Australia will be deployed in and around Perth.

Six cameras, which work in pairs, will measure the average speeds of drivers over a distance, which means those who only slow down when they spot a camera are more likely to be caught.

This is why the OzGov has been so keen to disarm their populace — those fucking intrusive cameras make awfully tempting targets.

I especially like this one:

However, during the pilot the cameras will not be directly used to issue infringements as laws would need to be passed to allow this.

But (and you knew this was coming):

For now they will be tested for their suitability but police can use the data to determine where certain offences are happening.

West Australia’s Strassensicherheidtsgauleiter  Road Safety Minister Paul Papalia said images showing particularly dangerous behaviour would be passed onto police to investigate.

Someone explain the difference to me between:

“directly used to issue infringements”
and:
“passed onto police to investigate”

From the perspective of the end user (which end of the user needs no explanation) there’s NO difference.

Bastards.  Still another reason to avoid the poxy place

Periodicity

Business, Feminazis

Longtime Reader and Total Hottie Mrs. Sorenson is upset by this development:

When Megan Thompson feels unwell while on her period, she can take time off. The 23-year-old can adjust her hours or work flexibly to help cope with severe cramps, migraines and fatigue. But if her period pain gets too bad, the finance company she works for allows her to take additional leave.

“It’s so refreshing being able to say to my manager ‘I’m on my period’ and she knows instantly to offer support,” said Megan. “And they actually offer me time off instead of me having to ask for it.”

Mrs. Sor asks (and I paraphrase somewhat, to spare my Readers’ tender sensibilities):

“WTF is all this nonsense?  Whatever happened to just gritting it out?  Ditto menopause.”

It should come as no surprise that Mrs. Sor is of the old-school Tough Broad type, who takes no guff from anyone — and in fact is pretty much the same as most women of my era and vintage.  New Wife’s opinions on this are absolutely identical to hers, as are my sister’s and, I suspect, all of them.  Several of them say things like “That’s why Midol was invented” and “Suck it up, sister” when confronted by today’s weepy feministicals.

Add to this factors such as long (and often mandatory) pregnancy leave demanded of employers, demands for on-workplace childcare facilities and so on, and you end up with the very reasons why in the not-so recent past women were often not hired by employers:  they’re just not as productive as men are.

And productivity, lest we forget, is the Holy Grail of any commercial enterprise.

But none of that is important, say the wimmyns, because equality.

Well, if equality means “no special treatment for men”, then I should remind everyone that it cuts both ways — except that’s not how they want it to work, is it?


…because that’s the productivity reality he faces.