Category: Funny Stuff

Darwin Smiles

Morons & Idiots

In the Heart Of Stone category comes this predictable outcome:

Lance Crosby wanted to be at one with nature, choosing to rely on his senses rather than carry bear spray or his mobile phone…

…and it goes without saying, “or a gun”, so:

…that decision was to cost him his life after he was eaten alive by a grizzly bear in Yellowstone National Park. The 260lb adult female bear, along with her cubs, feasted on the 63-year-old from Montana.

So he became “at one with nature” all right, by becoming bear nom-noms, kinda like berries.

I’m just amazed that being from Montana, he didn’t understand the situation vis-à-vis bears, but apparently he was a nurse from Billings (and not some hippie from Missoula, which would have been my bet).  And at 63, you’d have thought he had more sense, but he didn’t.

The worst part of all of this is that the rangers tracked down and captured the mama grizzly, tested her to see if she was the actual Lance-eater. And when they established that she was, they slaughtered her and sent her cubs off to a zoo.

So because of one moron’s starry-eyed stupidity, everyone came out of this sorry episode just fine and dandy.

Makes me want to find his grave, and pour a pint of gin over it.

After first passing it through my kidneys.

Please Go

Freaks & Loonies, Marketing / Advertising, Marxists

I love capitalism.  Why?  No sooner had the ink dried on the fraudulent-but-ultimately pointless counterfeit ballots in Pennsylvania. Michigan etc. when (courtesy of Reader Mike L.) I learned that the Smart Marketing Guys got going:

US cruise company offering four-year escape during Trump presidency

A Florida-based cruise company is offering disgruntled US voters the chance to escape by traveling the world during Donald Trump’s upcoming four years in office.

Villa Vie Residences has capitalized on the election results by offering Americans a four-year escape – the length of a presidential term – starting at around $160,000 per person, taking guests to more than 425 ports in 140 countries. [more details at the link]

My only requirement is that the trip is non-refundable after the ship has left port — in other words, if the travelers are suddenly overcome with buyer’s regret or whatever, they don’t get any money back, and they have to make their own way home from whatever country they happen to be in.

And if the poor regretful souls, having spent all their savings on this 4-year escape, are unable to afford the cost of a flight back to the U.S., I’m sure some private transport company will be only too willing to step up to the plate and help them get out of wherever they are for the return trip…

…if you see what I mean.

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

But first, our weekly update:

And going back to creatures of the forest:

 

And to end this silliness off, a few pictures of questionable taste:

I mean, I wouldn’t want to break with tradition now, would I?

Be off with you.

By Any Other Name, Part Deux

Eco-Crap, Hippie Filth, Terrorism

Let’s assume that your name was Mahmood El Snaipah, and you wanted to bring attention to the Holy Cause Of Islam by orchestrating attacks on critical energy facilities by targeting an oil pipeline in South Dakota and an electrical substation in North Dakota.

Can you spell T-E-R-R-O-R-I-S-M, children?  Of course you can.

Then there’s this asshole:

Cameron Smith, a 50-year-old Canadian national, used a high-powered rifle, to inflict significant damage to both a transformer and pipeline equipment, resulting in widespread disruption of electrical services and interrupting pipeline operations.  

But he’s not a Muzzie terrorist;  he’s an eco-terrorist, you see:

Smith told the court his actions were driven by frustration after years of trying to raise awareness of climate change through lawful means.

… so his behavior must be excused?

Not bloody likely:

Smith has been sentenced to 25 years in federal prison for orchestrating attacks on critical energy facilities in the United States.

Now we come to the boo-hoo part:

He said he chose remote locations to avoid harming people, and he argued for a lesser sentence, citing his autism and Crohn’s disease.

“This is tantamount to a life sentence, and I don’t think that’s right,” Smith said. He expressed doubt he would receive adequate medical care while incarcerated.

And the takeaway quote:

“I won’t survive this,” Smith said.

I hope you shit yourself to death.  Painfully.  Over the next twenty-odd years.

The Market

Marketing / Advertising, Men & Women, Whores

Here’s an interesting development in the OnlyFans business:

From Deansgate Square in the south to Collier’s Yard in the north, this is the extraordinary story of how Manchester’s new breed of ultra-luxury apartment blocks became playgrounds for a new generation of social media star.
‘This is where the magic is made,’ Jordan Smith, the 30-year-old founder of Rebel – a content creator agency – told the Mail. ‘Manchester has become a hub for creators. It’s well connected, there are investors and opportunities here. But it’s also great for creators as they can collaborate and make content with one another.’
One of Jordan’s most in-demand clients* is Harry Bourne, who strips off online under the stage name ‘Haxzy’.
‘London is more for the older generation,’ Harry tells the Mail, reclining on an armchair in his 35th-floor luxury apartment in the north west of the city. ‘Manchester is the home of the future.’
At the age of just 19, Harry has been ‘modelling’ on OnlyFans for the best part of a year. His success has been remarkable: 800 people pay £9.99 a month for his basic content. But, he assures me, ‘you won’t even get to see my “bulge” for that. Everything is extra.’  Indeed, more graphic content can cost an awful lot more. ‘I’m not one of these influencers** who will sell their whole kebab for five quid,’ Harry admits. ‘I’ll go fully naked, but only for the right money.’
It all means that Harry, who describes himself as an ‘actor***’, makes a staggering £30,000 a month – of which Rebel takes 30 per cent. ‘Other agencies**** take up to 70 per cent,’ he says, with a knowing look.  Harry is a straight man, claiming that he sleeps with up to ten different women a month. However, apart from ‘the odd female subscriber’, the majority of his audience are gay men. ‘I work about an hour a day,’ he boasts. ‘But I do stay productive. I like going out in my car, picking up birds… in my heart, I’m a good lad and I look after myself.’

Seems like it.  Here’s a quick glossary of the terms used:

*clients:  hookers
**influencers:  whores
***in the old days, “actor” (or “actress”) and “whore” meant the same thing.  Looks like we’ve regressed.
****agencies:  pimps

I am so glad I’m not part of this world.

LOL Of The Day

Funny Stuff, The Gun Thing

Once more with feeling from the Comment section at Knuckledragger’s:

That’s also sorta true with chastising people who use “bullets” when they mean “cartridges”.  Yes I know, the bullet is really the part that leaves the casing and comes out of the naughty end of the gun (oops I mean barrel), but saying “I’m outta cartridges!” just doesn’t have the same ring as “I need more fuggin’ bullets!”

I’d rather just chastise someone for not having enough ammo.

Also:  far be it for me to say this, but we really shouldn’t be guided by anything the Army says, because their fuckup rate in all things is phenomenal.  And that’s true of any army.