Category: Funny Stuff

Racism, Straight Up

Legal Stuff, Mocking Furriners, Rights

Here’s a fun item:

The British Sentencing Council has decided that starting Tuesday, white men will be sentenced to longer prison sentences than women and ethnic minorities.

From Tuesday, new judicial guidelines in the United Kingdom will introduce sentencing policies that apply differential treatment based on ethnicity, gender, and age—leading to harsher punishments for white men compared to other groups in society.

Under the updated guidelines, judges will prepare pre-sentencing reports where necessary for defendants from ethnic, cultural, or faith minorities, as well as young people under 25, women, and pregnant women. Historically, such reports have resulted in mitigated sentences, including reduced jail time. The practical implication of these changes is that white men, who do not qualify for these reports, will face relatively harsher sentencing outcomes.

I’m not sure that any Brit, ever again, can accuse anyone else of being a racist.

Simple Solution

Gummint, Mocking Furriners, Morons & Idiots

Here’s an interesting development in Britishland.  Apparently, there’s a garbage workers’ strike in Birmingham, and as “Brum” is run by Labour and is a wretched hive of scum and villainy thereby, this is a case of ultra-Lefties arguing with “ordinary” Lefties — you pick which fits best for which — and has left the city streets (never that tidy to begin with) in a state of advanced rat infestation.

So then this came along:

Tories call for Cobra meeting over Birmingham bin strike
The Tories are urging the Deputy Prime Minister to send in private cleaning firms to break the unions’ grip over the rubbish-strewn second city.

The three-week pay dispute has seen detritus pile high in the streets, with residents saying neighbourhoods are plagued by giant rats “as big as cats”.

It centres on a row between the bankrupt Birmingham council, which is Labour run, and the Unite union.

I have no idea what a “Cobra” meeting is, but for one memorable moment, I thought it involved getting all the unionistas  and city councilors into one room, locking all the doors and windows and giving them ten minutes to come to an agreement.  If that failed, then throw a bunch of live cobras into the locked room.

I bet the hapless residents of Birmingham would be the first in line to watch the proceedings on PPV.

Too extreme?  Let’s ask the Brummies to vote on it.

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

And our update:

Now it’s time for a little personal advice from Dr. Kim:

And let’s not forget that it’s nearly Easter:

And from Britishland:

…and if all that doesn’t say “Easter”, then what does?  But to continue:

And speaking of putting strange things in your mouth, here’s the latest in our “Seen At The Bar” series:

Now sit back, relax and enjoy yer  drink  week.

With What?

Mocking Furriners

The can be only one reaction to this little snippet:

Canada PM Mark Carney Promises Zelensky More Support for Ukraine

Lessee:  Canuckistan has few actual soldiers, no tanks, no aircraft and no spare money.  (To be fair, their snipers are pretty good, but snipers don’t win battles, let alone wars.)

So what kind of “support” are we talking aboot, Markey-Mark?  According to the Ukes:

“The Prime Minister made the right points about how we need to step up pressure on Moscow. The shadow fleet, the banking sector,” Zelensky wrote. “We must impose all-out sanctions on everything that provides Russia with funding for its war. Only then can we force Putin to a just and lasting peace.”

Zelensky also indicated that Canada was interested in investing in the reconstruction of post-war Ukraine and in joint defense deals to produce weaponry.

“Canada is interested in military-industrial and defense cooperation,” Zelensky said. “Throughout this war, we have gained significant experience in the production of EW systems, long-range missiles, and drones. Ukraine is ready for joint production.”

No you’re not.  Your factories have been bombed to shit, while Canuckistan has none that aren’t reliant on U.S. subsidies and trade.

And we all know how POTUS Trump feels about that.

Good luck, guys.

Ask And Ye Shall Receive

Morons & Idiots, Train Smash Women

…and how.

Seems as though the city of Miami got sick of the annual Spring Break bacchanalia, and tossed it out, with the expected outcome:

After dropping a tongue-in-cheek video last year about “breaking up” with Spring Break, the city’s slapped on some serious restrictions. For the weekends of March 13-16 and March 20-23, they’re enforcing rules like curfews and bag checks.

Some liquor stores are shutting at 8pm, DUI checkpoints are in place and beach access has been restricted. Miami Beach’s Chief Wayne Jones put it bluntly: “We apologize, but this is necessary. I know it’s painful. Short term pain for long term gain.”

As a result, Spring Break’s taken a hit. Footage from Miami shows deserted beaches and glum party-goers who have found the once-heaving strip eerily quiet.

Some Spring Breakers who jetted off to Miami are now regretting their decision. On TikTok, a duo warned their followers with a blunt “don’t come”. They then declared: “Spring break ain’t the same in Miami no more.”

So what’s a party-hearty Spring Breaker to do?  Where to go?

Well… there’s always the old standby, Fort Lauderdale, who rolled out the red carpet:

Students who live for the party scene have found a new haven as Fort Lauderdale opens its arms wide to welcome them. The city is becoming the go-to spot, with Mayor Dean Trantalis declaring that “anyone” is invited to join the fun.

Mayor Trantalis explained: “We have a different vibe here in Fort Lauderdale versus Miami Beach. I think the mood is edgier in Miami Beach and honestly, I think the beach is sort of an afterthought when it comes to the reason for that destination. Most people are drawn to the party scenes.  Everyone under the sun is welcome. We appreciate everyone regardless of their background, their faith, their race, who they love, Fort Lauderdale is a place for everyone.”

What happened next?  Oh, say it ain’t so:

Spring Break brawl erupts on controversial beach

Would you look at that, it’s mid March and Spring Break is well underway for sun-seeking US college students. Great weather, booze and hundreds of wannabe party-goers all in the same place. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, just when police at the Florida city of Fort Lauderdale thought they’d seen it all after years of annual shenanigans, images from the beach this week may just be a first. You’d be forgiven for allowing American Pie to paint an idyllic Spring Break scene of lads throwing a ball around with a few tins of cold ones to pass the time during the day. At Fort Lauderdale this week, however, it was an altogether more violent sport drawing masses on masses of crowds – boxing.

And pandemonium ensued, so:

Police stormed the ruckus to pull the plug on proceedings. The city of Fort Lauderdale authorities responded to the violence with a statement: “Fort Lauderdale Police witnessed and broke up two incidents on the beach and the crowd complied both times without further issues. There have been no reported or confirmed cases of betting. This type of behavior will not be tolerated.

“Our police department is out along the beach in full force to make this spring break season safe and enjoyable for visitors and residents alike. We encourage anyone who witnesses a disturbance to call 911.”

Until April 12 in high-traffic beach areas, Fort Lauderdale has placed a blanket ban on alcohol, coolers, tents, tables and live or amplified music.

To Hizzoner Mayor Trantalis:  you asked for it;  you got it.  You said it’s “a place for everyone”;  well, not “everyone” is someone you want coming into your town, of course.

In the tags above, this post falls under “Morons & Idiots” — that’s the city of Fort Lauderdale management.  The “Train Smash Women”, of course…

Their dads must be so proud.

Darwin Smiles

Morons & Idiots

In the Heart Of Stone category comes this predictable outcome:

Lance Crosby wanted to be at one with nature, choosing to rely on his senses rather than carry bear spray or his mobile phone…

…and it goes without saying, “or a gun”, so:

…that decision was to cost him his life after he was eaten alive by a grizzly bear in Yellowstone National Park. The 260lb adult female bear, along with her cubs, feasted on the 63-year-old from Montana.

So he became “at one with nature” all right, by becoming bear nom-noms, kinda like berries.

I’m just amazed that being from Montana, he didn’t understand the situation vis-à-vis bears, but apparently he was a nurse from Billings (and not some hippie from Missoula, which would have been my bet).  And at 63, you’d have thought he had more sense, but he didn’t.

The worst part of all of this is that the rangers tracked down and captured the mama grizzly, tested her to see if she was the actual Lance-eater. And when they established that she was, they slaughtered her and sent her cubs off to a zoo.

So because of one moron’s starry-eyed stupidity, everyone came out of this sorry episode just fine and dandy.

Makes me want to find his grave, and pour a pint of gin over it.

After first passing it through my kidneys.