Funny Stuff – Page 83 – Splendid Isolation

Statistical Ignorance

April 2, 2021 Kim du Toit Funny Stuff, Health

European suspension of AstraZeneca vaccine WILL cause Covid deaths in Britain because it will scare people into shunning the jab over blood clot fears in young women

Actually, if you imagine this meme in German (they being the ones behind the suspension), it makes even more sense.

Explanation

April 1, 2021 Kim du Toit Mocking Furriners

Okay, for all of those people who wondered how that container ship couldn’t manage to follow a straight line down a ruler-straight Suez canal:

…here’s the answer.

Key phrase: Indian crew.

Anyone who’s ever driven or even been driven in India will know whereof I speak.

3 Inexplicable Things About Female Interior Design

March 31, 2021 Kim du Toit 3 Inexplicable Things

Continuing our series of stuff that makes you scratch your head, we come upon the following:

Pillows, dozens of. Why do women insist on piling pillows and cushions onto beds and couches when they serve absolutely no purpose? FFS, it’s come to the point when before getting into bed or sitting on a couch, you first have to toss half a dozen extraneous pillows or cushions onto the floor, like you’re uncovering layers of sediment in a geological study. (A sub-segment of this is women who put a hundred teddy bears on their bed — are we still seven years old?)
Wall tattoos. You know what I’m talking about: signs that portray utterly banal shit like “Be Joyful Today” or “Happiness Is A Choice”. The most extreme exponent of this awful trait is Joanna Gaines of Fixer Upper fame. She’ll do a decent job of decorating a room, and then add some bullshit about “Fall In Love With Life”, just to undo the whole thing.
Having a “tidy” kitchen. Meaning that all small appliances and such have to be dragged out of a cupboard somewhere, plugged in and used, then put away again. I can understand this if it’s not something you use every day, but stuff like coffee machines, toasters and kettles too? And nothing repeat nothing would drive me crazier than having to scratch around for a fucking breadboard every time I felt like a sandwich or some toast. Whenever I see one of those kitchens that is spotlessly clean, immaculate, and empty with only a bowl of fruit on a counter, I think it reveals a character flaw on the part of the woman of the house.

Feel free to add your pet designing peeves, in Comments.

By Any Other Name

March 31, 2021 Kim du Toit Health, Mocking Furriners

So this, apparently, is Britain’s roadmap to reality as they emerge from the horrors of Teh Chinkvirus:

To me, all this simply spells

C-O-N-T-R-O-L–F-R-E-A-K-S

…and about a dozen different ways* for the Filth to harass and / or arrest people. But I could be wrong.

Also note that in the Blue panel, football matches (20,000-plus crowds) are A-okay, but apparently weddings are “super-spreader events” because they’re still limited to 15 guests only.

WTF?

*Examples of control-freakery:

have 16 guests at your wedding, not 15
7 people over for Easter lunch, not 6 — even if said lunch is an outdoor buffet
Grandad’s funeral has 31 mourners, not 30
somebody drives 50 miles to visit a sick relative (that’s not “local”, you see)
etc.

Note that commonsense would allow some leniency in terms of the numbers — but it doesn’t have to, because in the main the Filth are a bunch of rule-bound control freaks themselves, and because they can do fuck-all about Britain’s actual crime (muggings, stabbings, robberies etc.); but by God let some granny have one too many guests at her late husband’s funeral, and it’s to jail she’ll be going.

Fuckers.

Irresistible

March 29, 2021 Kim du Toit Food & Drink, Funny Stuff

I must confess that I’ve never understood the Brit obsession with “chip butties” (a.k.a. “chip baps”), which are simply whitebread-and-butter sandwiches with french fries inside them. (A “bap” is a sandwich, either sliced bread or a bread roll — don’t ask, I don’t get it either.)

There’s no reason why you couldn’t put fries into a sandwich, I guess, although I’ve always considered fries to be an accompaniment to a sandwich rather than its filling. Put it down to Weird Shit That Brits Do.

However, there’s been this development: the 1,000-calorie deep-fried chip butty, and apparently the Brits can’t get enough of it. (No pics because… yikes.)

Even better, the deep-fried chip butty can be served with a side order of… fries.

Just when you think you’ve seen it all… although I have to tell you that I wouldn’t mind trying one, just out of academic interest.

Postscript: In Scotland you can get deep-fried Mars Bars, but that’s just the Scots being Scottish. And they taste just about as you’d think they’d taste: bloody awful.