Funny Stuff – Page 86 – Splendid Isolation

Monday Funnies

March 1, 2021 Kim du Toit Funny Stuff

Egads! it’s Monday…

…as long as they’re low-fat (the nudists, not the waffles)…

So, to help you on your way into the week:

And when those sidebar ads just can’t be tolerated anymore:

I don’t care what you say, that’s pure genius (says the guy who has taped his laptop’s power cord into place, and covered his impossible-to-disable touchpad with thick cardboard).

And still on those nether regions:

…and as this piece is useless wifout pichurs:

Never mess with South African chicks… they are as tough as old biltong, and they take shit from nobody.

Now try to get that picture out of your mind as you make the weekly supermarket trip.

Reconquista

February 25, 2021 Kim du Toit Funny Stuff

From the fiendish Mr. Free Market:

At first, my reaction was pretty much the same as all my Murkin Readers: “Hell, no!”

But then I started to think about it.

Lessee: we’d lose New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, Delaware, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina and Georgia.

On balance, I’d be tempted to say that the Brits could have ’em all back (with the possible exceptions of Georgia and South Carolina, which we could trade maybe for California?) and frankly, we could solve a whole bunch of problems for the rest of us.

Granted, Virginia comprises Northern Virginia (Commies and bureaucrats) and Remaining Virginia (decent conservative folk), ditto North Carolina which outside Raleigh-Durham (Commies and academics) is likewise populated with decent conservatives.

I’m starting to have second thoughts about Georgia, after their shenanigans in the 2020 elections, and don’t talk to me about Pennsylvania…

Actually, given that the Brits love cities (London, Manchester, Liverpool etc.) I’d be willing just to hand over all 13 states’ cities (New York, Boston, Philadelphia, Baltimore etc.) and keep the countryside outside for ourselves.

Frankly, I’m not sure that the Brits could handle the country folk in any of the 13 states — just watching them trying to impose their gun laws in Western Pennsylvania and Georgia alone would be worth the price of admission.

Like I said, at first I was sorta-outraged; but let’s be honest: which of us wouldn’t be glad to see the back of New York City and Boston?

News Roundup (Out-Of-Date Version)

February 24, 2021 Kim du Toit Bad News, Funny Stuff

Just in case you missed it earlier.

…good grief: is there anything statins can’t do? Finally, a drug I’ve been taking for years may actually be worth the money. Although next week we’ll find that statins probably cause hemorrhagic fever, or something.

…oooh, no wonder she’s been called a “wild child”, the feisty lil’ thang. I think I did all that, and more, before I turned 17 — unless, that is, she did all that before she was 14, in which case, I salute her.

…just your everyday over-achiever. Key word: Leeds.

…finally, some ACTUAL good news.

…uuuhhhh, sweetie, when you hang around with a guy who looks like this, I think you can expect at least some behavior that’s a little off the beaten path:

…given the cost of Woody The Wonder Drug, it would be cheaper just to buy a fresh bunch of flowers.

…you have to know how low the Beeb has sunk when the Chinks can call them out.

…yeah, if it’s total indifference you’re seeking from your partner in a sexual experience, stay at home.

…wherein we finally learn the Scandi spelling for “homeboy”. (HBC, as always, looks like a bag lady).

…not to be too cynical or anything, but wouldn’t his post-murder treatment of her body be somewhat irrelevant at this point? Anyway, look on the bright side: he could have called her a “dirty nigger”, in which case he’d now be in serious trouble.

…and I’m sure the UK’s NHS is just waiting to give him the free surgery he needs, just as soon as they’ve discharged the very last Chinkvirus patient, in 2045.

…which would be nice, if there was anything there we actually wanted to see.

Fracture Lines

February 22, 2021 Kim du Toit Gummint, Mocking Furriners

Looks like the Euros are having a problem or two:

The French blame the Germans and the Germans blame the French. The Eastern Europeans blame the Western Europeans. The Southern Europeans blame the North. And everyone blames the officials in Belgium.

As Douglas Murray adds: “In other words, business as usual.”

Once again, we see proof (if any were needed) that massive bureaucracies don’t respond well to a crisis. In this case, the Euros thought that they could get both research and supplies of Chinkvirus vaccines from the UK, but when the Brits told them to shove it — all hail Brexit! — the Euros were left holding the short end of the stick, and squabbling ensued.

The lesson is well learned Over Here, for all those who think that Big Gummint is the answer to our woes. In a crisis, it seldom is.