Funny Stuff – Page 95 – Splendid Isolation

That’s It, I’m Voting For Biden*

August 13, 2020 Kim du Toit Food & Drink, Funny Stuff

I mean there’s only so much a man can take, when faced with this situation:

[Britain’s] international Trade Secretary welcomed an announcement by US trade representative Robert Lighthizer that Washington would not go ahead with a threatened extension of the tariff regime that would have affected gin and blended whisky.
And in a ‘modest’ easing of the tariffs, Mr Lighthizer said products such as shortbread would now be exempted as the two sides continue to seek a resolution to a dispute centred on planemaker Airbus.
But duties on top-quality single malt whiskies – which are made from a single batch of malted barley – remain in place at 25 per cent.

Shortbread? Shortbread? Who gives a shit about shortbread (a.k.a. compressed sugary sawdust) when Glenmorangie is being taxed to the skies? Twenty fucking five percent?

And let me warn our esteemed President and “trade representatives”: raising taxes on Sipsmiths and J&B would make you no different from the high-tax-loving Democratic Socialists.

HANDS OFF MY BOOZE!

*Just kidding.

Simple Rejoinder

August 10, 2020 Kim du Toit Hippie Filth, Lies and Untruths

Every single year, we are subjected to what I call the “Anniversary Wails” of the peaceniks — said anniversaries being those the destruction of Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Dresden, etc. during the later stages of WWII.

“O how horrible!” they kvetch and moan, “We dropped big bombs on helpless pore civilians of the German / Japanese persuasion!”

I find it interesting that we never acknowledge, for example, the anniversaries of the flattening of Warsaw (September 25, 1939, in case anyone’s interested) or the bombing of Rotterdam by Hitler’s Luftwaffe (May 14, 1940, showing that Warsaw was no fluke). The Japanese never got into the mass bombing of cities to the same degree that the Nazis did, other than a few Chinese cities like Nanking, but they made up for it by other kinds of savagery, as did the Germans by, for example, strafing columns of civilian refugees in Holland, Belgium and northern France.

In any event, I find this annual breast-beating and clothes-rending about bombing the shit out of German and Japanese cities quite boring and tiresome, for one simple reason:

They started it.

As far as I’m concerned, they deserved every single bit of shit that rained out of the skies onto their totalitarian, barbarous asses.

Every time someone wails about Germans being burned to death by RAF or USAAF bombs, just cast your minds back to all those old black-and-white newsreels of Hitler parading through German city streets, said streets being lined by tens of thousands of cheering… civilians.

And make no mistake: had New York or San Francisco been closer to Europe and Japan respectively, and had the Nazis or Japs possessed nuclear weapons, they would have used them on us without a second thought. To believe otherwise is to be ignorant of history.

Once again, the simple rejoinder is: “Fuck ’em. They started it.”

Monday Funnies

August 10, 2020 Kim du Toit Funny Stuff

So before the upcoming week kicks the shit out of you:

Here’s something to make last week’s scabs crack open and bleed:

Actually, that’s about average for most companies I’ve worked for…

And for something a little more cheerful, some other guys’ wives:

And:

Dueling Graffiti

August 5, 2020 Kim du Toit BaconLettuceMayo, Funny Stuff

Then:

And:

Further Back, Thanks

August 3, 2020 Kim du Toit Bad News, Funny Stuff

Saw this at Powerline last week, but while I agree with the sentiment, it doesn’t go back far enough. So I’ve altered it slightly:

For the record, even though the early parts of the 70s were fair —> poor for me, the latter half absolutely rocked. (I’d give details, but I’m not sure the statute of limitations has expired yet. Yes, they were that bad.)

The 70s to me meant this:

…and this:

…even though what I was actually driving was one of these:

Also in the 70s: no PC speech or behavior constraints; no venereal diseases that couldn’t be treated by a couple shots of penicillin; a body that not only worked to perfection, but could withstand any kind of ill-treatment I threw at it; and girlfriends who didn’t have any kids.

Ask me again why I miss those times.