I arrived at the polling station in a good mood, having established beforehand that yes, I was a registered voter and registered to vote in 3rd District TX withal. Also, I found the address of the nearest polling station and off I went, all ready to cast my primary vote against that little crapweasel Rep. Van Taylor and for the righteous judge, Keith Self.
My good mood evaporated when I got my ballot paper. There, at the top of the list were three names I’d never heard of before. So I went back to the polling folks and said, “I think there’s something wrong — these aren’t the 3rd District Republican House candidates.”
“Oh,” came the reply, “you’ve been redistricted into the 4th District.”
“No I haven’t. I checked on the official TXVote.org website just a couple hours ago, and according to them, I’m registered in the 3rd.”
“Ah,” came the airy reply, “I don’t think the website was updated in time.”
I didn’t do what I wanted to do because I’d left my guns in the car and anyway, I think it may be illegal to destroy those poxy voting machines with gunfire.
So I didn’t vote for any of the strangers, because I don’t know them. I did, however, vote for the Usual Suspects — Jim Abbot, Ken Paxton and the other top Republican worms, and pretty much nobody else except the names I already knew from previous elections. (I nearly voted for ex-LTC Allen West instead of Abbott in protest, but he can run again, and then I will.)
I was going to write to the Governor demanding heads on pikes, or worse, for the incompetent assholes who are supposed to do this stuff — aren’t computer systems wonderful? — but I had to allow my wrath to cool, because apparently it’s against the law to say some of the things I was going to say.
Anyway, all has ended well, because the little crapweasel has canceled his reelection campaign, no doubt because he was only going to lose the runoff to Judge Self as more and more voters realized what a little crapweasel he really is. Strange that in an ultra-conservative district, voters aren’t going to take too kindly to his support of anti-Trumpers and shagging some houri extramaritally.
Which means that a former LTC and -judge and staunch conservative is going to Washington on our behalf. I mean their behalf, because I’ve been shunted out of his district. I have no idea what the 4th District is all about, and now I know how the Wandering Jew felt.
By the way, in learning about the candidates, I discovered that two of the Democrat nominees are an ex-Californian and ex-Bostonian respectively. Fuck me, that didn’t take long.
And thankee muchly to the Loyal Readers who emailed me about Crapweasel’s withdrawal.