…when can we start to see the mass emigration of celebrities following Trump’s victory?
Or else there’s the Bette Midler Option:
I’m good with that, too.
Category: Celebrities
Over Till Next Year
Thank goodness that Halloween is over and we can go back to a streaming movie schedule which doesn’t feature wall-to-wall horror movies, nor be greeted by foul Halloween decorations at every turn.
Of the loathsome pumpkins, we will not speak.
Also — and I must issue a stern Puke Alert here — we are also spared the appearances of celebrities and harlots (considerable overlap) in “fancy dress” costumes, an example of which can be found below the fold:
Much Ado
So people are getting bent out of shape yet again by a sequel to an already-shitty movie about cartoon characters?
Oy. Talk about a typhoon in a teacup.
And “folie à deux”? (shared lunacy or psychosis, e.g. the Climate Apocalypticals) Adding a pretentious title to what appears to be an abysmally bad movie is not gonna help the box-office receipts grow any larger, folks.
Fucking morons. I hope Hollywood crashes and burns, along with most of its denizens.
The Usual Whine, No Cheese
Oh, the trials and tribulations (not to mention lamentations) of living in a peaceful village in Britishland.
You see, out in the country there’s this pretty little place which all the local inhabitants dislike because it’s owned by a parvenu couple, the Horners; to be specific, multimillionaire Red Bull Racing boss Christian and his equally-wealthy wife Geri (a.k.a. Ginger Spice of 1990s pop sensation Spice Girls).
This would be bad enough, but the Horners do not appear to Know Their Place, and have a desire to build a swimming pool on their property — said property consists of more than a few acres of land, by the way, and includes a stable for their half-dozen horses. (Okay, it’s a second pool, but apparently the existing indoor one is unsatisfactory because it’s too small and too far from the house. Whatever.)
Here are some of the comments from the Local Yokels:
“Now we’re going to have to put up with months and months of noisy building work, then years of having to listen to the Horners and their friends partying day and night round the pool in the back garden.”
You have to wonder why it would take “months and months” just to install a swimming pool, but that’s probably a feature of the famed British work ethic and/or efficiency, not to mention the need for repeated (and endless) sign-offs from the village nabobs which slow the whole process to a crawl anyway. Hardly the fault of the Horners, though.
“A second swimming pool? It’s downright greedy, isn’t it? They surely can’t need two swimming pools. Most people would settle for one, if they could.”
Yes of course we have a right to tell other people how to spend their money and what they should and shouldn’t own. The Horners also own four cars in a two-driver household; I’m surprised nobody’s moaned about that, yet.
“The church is only a few metres from their house and if a pool party is in full swing on a Sunday, how are we going to hear the service? I guess from now on, the vicar’s going to have to project his voice a few decibels louder.”
…for those dozen or so people who actually attend Sunday services. And by the way, that’s a stinking lie. The church is nearly a quarter of a mile from the house, as Horner pointed out in his permit application.
“I’ve heard this ruddy pool comes with a heat pump too, so that’s going to make a hell of racket.”
Maybe Victorian-era heat pumps were noisy, but modern ones are silent, as I noted when I was staying on Mr. Free Market’s country estate with its enormous, and heated pool. And given the renowned British climate, it makes perfect sense to heat the pool water so that they can actually swim in the thing for more than two non-consecutive weeks of the year.
“They haven’t really integrated themselves in the village. We barely see them and when we do, they are very aloof in their manner. I’ve no time for either of them.”
Perhaps their non-involvement in village affairs is because the locals are a bunch of insular wealth-envious assholes, or maybe it’s because Mr. Horner is busy running a successful Formula 1 racing team for eleven months of the year while Mrs. Horner is performing all over the world with her band.
I mean, my dear! These money-grubbing chavs are just Not Our Kind. Far better to live in genteel poverty, of course.
I know that in the past I’ve often ranted about rich assholes fucking up a neighborhood just because they think they can. And if the Horners were wanting to demolish their exquisite old country house to erect some Modernist concrete cube, I’d be on the side of the village idiots.
But a swimming pool?
“This is a beautiful village, loved for its peace and serenity. This swimming pool development goes against those values. I’m very disappointed and I urge the Horners to reconsider their plans.”
And I urge the Horners to tell these petty little people to go and fuck themselves.
Still Confused, After All These Years
I confessed some time ago that I cannot tell various public figures apart — even if they look totally different — in that when one of their names is mentioned, their face does not come to mind and I have to look them up to see which one is under discussion.
Here’s the bunch I still cannot differentiate, regardless of time and effort:
One of them’s married to that strawberry-blonde tart with great legs, one was in those Hangover movies, two are Canadian, one’s a Mormon and one owns a Welsh football club [some overlap possible].
Which one is which?
My Favorite Things (Part 1)
Well hell, if Oprah Winfrey can do it, then by golly so can I. Okay, a little background:
Every year, the media mogul, 69, shares an expansive gift guide filled with a range of products like kitchen appliances and cooking supplies, furniture and home goods, clothes and accessories, and skin, hair, and makeup items.
And 2023’s is no different. With 109 items in total, this year’s list has ideas for fashion lovers, at-home chefs, food connoisseurs, beauty gurus, and workout fanatics.
As expected, her list is full of useless shit like face creams and bubble baths: not the kind of thing on a Real Man’s list unless he’s buying stuff for his wife / mistress / both.
So without further ado, here is Kim’s Favorite Things List (Part 1 — Part 2 next Saturday) with something for everyone. Oprah did 109 items; I will only do 100 because unlike Oprah (who had staff to do all the work), I had to do it all by myself.
Aside: I’m also 69, so there we have it: battling lists from two Olde Pharttes.
Oh, and one last thing: all the items below give me a warm & fuzzy feeling when I look at them: it’s a “favorite things” list and no more. (Unless you’re very wealthy, it’s not much good as a Christmas list either — unless of course you’re wealthy and want to indulge yourself.)
Buckle down: this may take a while, but hey, it’s Saturday: what else are you gonna do? Let’s kick off with the spendy stuff (all prices are approximate), and there is no order of preference or cost. It’s all good.
1. 2002 BMW Z8 (4.9-liter V8) — $212,000
Anyone can have a silly Ferrari, Aston Martin or whatever that breaks all the time, for even stupider money. But there are only a couple thousand of these Beemers left in the world. (And yes, the hard top is removable.)
2. Mauser M98 Standard Diplomat (in your favorite caliber; mine would be 9.3x62mm) — $14,700
…with manly iron sights, of course. The optional companion piece:
3. Kahles K 3.5-18x50mm scope — $3,300
…or, if you’re going to be using your M98 for close-up dangerous game:
4. Kahles K16i 1-6×24 3GR Reticle — $2,200
5. Annual Range Membership (your choice) — $600-$25,000
(This is Texas Defensive Shooting Academy — TDSA — but whichever is closest to you. Dallas Gun Club, FYI, costs $25,000 per annum last time I looked, and there’s a two-year waiting list.)
6. African Hunting Safari (flight, luxury lodge accommodation only; add $10,000 for several small-game license fees, up to $35,000 for lion, buffalo etc.) — $15,000 per person
7. Handmade shoes from Ludwig Reiter (Vienna) — $660-$1,200
Buy once, wear for life.
8. Matched pair of shotguns (links in pics) — $40,000-$$tupid
…for those of the “Over and Under” persuasion. But for the more civilized amongst us:
9. Classic watch (e.g. this Omega Genève from the 1970s) — ~$2,000-$5,000
You may have to search around, but the search is part of the fun.
10. Sickafus Montana Shearling Coat — $1,700
Unless you live in the tropics.
11. Martin D-35 Standard Dreadnought Acoustic Guitar — $3,500
Possibly the best-sounding off-the-shelf acoustic ever made.
12. Saddleback Hardside Suitcase — $1,000
13. Zeiss Victory RF 10×54 Rangefinding Binoculars — $4,000
14. Browning Buck Mark Medallion Rosewood .22 LR Pistol — $600
Add the Vortex red-dot scope, for $300
15. Mini-Moke Classic Electric — $30,000
Yeah I know, it’s a damn Duracell car; but I’d make an exception for this one.
16. Rhino Ironworks Gun Safe — $6,000
Ugly as hell; but how cool is it…?
17. Chiappa Firearms Kodiak (.45-70 Govt) — $1,750
18. Leathercraft Conner Recliner — $5,000
19. Winnebago Solis Pocket Camper — $150,000
Don’t need much more than that, really. We are not rock stars.
20. Canon EOS R6 Mark II — $2,500
21. London’s Lights (Leonid Afremov, 60″x40″) — $900
22. Longines Avigation — $2,700
23. DW Collector’s Series Purpleheart Drum Kit — $9,000
…add over a grand when you add the cymbals, stands, bass drum pedal and stool. All worth it.
24. Hacker-Craft Destroyer — $375,000
I’m not even a Boat Person, and I love the look of this thing.
25. Karl Hauptmann Double Rifle (.375 H&H Mag) — $40,000
26. Angora Executive Desk — $25,000
27. 1972 BMW 1602 (1600 cc 4-Cyl. 4-Spd manual) — $20,000
Before Beemers got really fuuuugly.
28. Nord Stage 3 88-Key Keyboard — $5,500
29. Beretta Mod 74 Target (.22 LR) — $850
30. Orient-Express: Paris to Istanbul — $20,000 (per person)
That’s the cost of the Grand Suite; smaller cabins are (not much) less.
31. 1997 Land Rover Defender 110 — $66,000
32. Mesa/Boogie Fillmore 50-watt Tube Combo Amp — $2,700
33. Seychelles Vacation (Four Seasons Mahé) — $15,000/week
Excludes flights.
34. Five-Rifle Set — $1,200
Every so often, J&G puts one of these deals together and at the price, they’re an utter bargain.
35. Breitling Transocean Day & Date — $3,500
…or you can drop an extra $5,000 and get it in gold.
36. Mont Blanc Meisterstück Around the World in 80 Days LeGrand Fountain Pen — $1,000
37. CZ 457 Varmint MTR .22 LR — $850
Same hole, all day long. And for its glass:
38. Trijicon Huron 2.5-10×40 30mm BDC — $700
39. Fazioli F308 Concert Grand Piano — $290,000
To my ears, the best-sounding grand piano of them all.
40. Viking River Cruise: Amsterdam – Vienna — $7,500 (per person)
41. Fender Precision Fretless Bass — $2,500
My #2 choice for a bass guitar.
42. Wiesmann MF4 Roadster / GT — $150,000
…if you can find one, that is.
43. FN 49 Luxembourg Contract (.30-06) — $2,100
Shoots smoother than a Garand. Still regret losing mine in the Brazos.
44. Stetson El Amo Premium 500x — $1,100
45. Driven Pheasant Shoot (UK) — $1,200/day
Assumes a 20-bird tally per shooter. Ammo, food, booze etc. not included.
46. Colt Single Action Army 3rd Gen. (.45 Colt) — $5,000
47. Roland JC-120 Jazz Chorus Stereo Amp — $1,250
… unchanged since the 1970s, it’s one of the longest-lasting and most popular guitar amps ever, and deservedly so. As is the next one:
48. Fender ’68 Custom Twin Reverb Amp — $1,800
One of the cleanest-sounding guitar amps of all time. Except when you don’t want it to be, and then it gets dirtier than Miley Cyrus on a Saturday night pub crawl.
49. Longshore Tides Dolores Bar Cabinet — $4,500
50. 1975 Rickenbacker 4001S — priceless
Why is it priceless? Because that’s mine, is why.
Next week, the “budget” 50 favorite things.