Category: Celebrities

Stripdowns

Celebrities

One last Halloween thing, before we consign it to the trash heap of 2013.  Actually, it’s one of the few things I don’t mind too much about this stupid event:  the way celebrities go out of their way to make even bigger fools of themselves than we know they are already.  That said, there are some benefits, especially when it comes to showing the flesh.

Take Mrs. Ozzy Osbourne, for instance:


…who was actually copying some else’s “costume”:

Oy, Sharon…

Then there’s Heidi Klum, who went the other way this Halloween and actually covered up (as opposed to being semi-naked most of the time):

Then there’s Jonathan Ross (“Wossy”)’s daughter Honey:

Okay, I’ll need to make amends for that one (no man should):

Okay, that’s enough of that.

Seriously?

Celebrities, Men & Women

Turns that occasionally-funny Brit comedian Russell Brand has been a Naughty Boy:  shagging women all over the place, molesting women on set, hosting orgies, groping strange women… all the stuff that makes Teh Wimmynz angry.

Golly, if only there had been some kind of clue,,,

I remember him being interviewed by two stern TV female journos on, I think, Faux News.  As much as they tried to shame him, or make him look like a fool, he just overpowered them with wit and savage mockery.

At the end of the interview both women gave identical statements:

Then there’s this tragic tale… try not to giggle.

Women just love a Bad Boy, and our Russ is now being pilloried for actually being one.

Stupid Argument

Business, Celebrities, Two-Minute Hate

Loath as I would ever be to bestow any kind of acknowledgment to the Ginger Whinger’s Duchess CaringSlut, on this issue I am firmly on her side.

The Duchess of Sussex once wore diamonds grown in a lab on a royal jaunt, but jeweller Eddie LeVian is not impressed. 

‘I’m concerned people think it’s the same as a diamond,’ he tells me at the Tower of London, where his brand Le Vian hosted a show. ‘It’s misleading.’

Of course, he makes his livelihood pimping overpriced rocks for the ghastly De Beers diamond criminal cartel, so of course he would sniff at “man-made” diamonds as not being “the real thing” — although they actually are.  Even if they were grown in a clean laboratory somewhere instead of having been hauled out of the ground by child laborers in Africa, their chemical composition, their hardness and appearance make them real diamonds, absolutely indistinguishable from their bloody African cousins.

Which of course makes the diamond industry quake in their expensive handmade boots, because it means the end of their tidy little cartel which has established itself by dint of creating an artificial shortage through the imposition of “controls” mostly illegal — ask yourself why De Beers doesn’t have an office in the United States (RICO coff coff ).  And gawd forbid that diamonds should be priced at even semi-precious levels rather than as the horribly-overpriced geegaws they are.

So while the Duchess Formerly Known As Third Actress From The Right may well have worn said manufactured gems because of Evil Child Labor Exploitation — not actually a bad reason, for once — the fact remains that all the pouting about the diamonds being fake is being driven, as always, by the greed and self-preservation instincts of the fucking awful diamond industry.

Who are far, far worse a cancer on society than the Markle creature could ever be, try as she may.

Why Indeed?

Celebrities, Travels

The question is asked:

Why DO US megastars Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise and George Clooney prefer the UK to California?

The answer is actually quite simple, and it’s one of the reasons why I love going there too.

The pat answers, of course, are manifold — especially in the case of the above reptiles — and the first, obviously, is that anywhere in Yurp (including Britishland) is preferable to the shithole that California has become, especially when the said reptiles are also filthy rich and can buy things like “cottages” on the Thames River or castles in Devon;  and being all part of the same mutual admiration society, they can also count on their buddies to put them up for a day or week.

Then they can play the part of the “locals”, and go to quaint little pubs and tearooms and drink “pints” and drink PG Tips tea, go to Wimbledon and thus hobnob with all their precious little Hollywood buddies also visiting “for the occasion”.

And if the weather turns shitty (as it sometimes does in Britishland), they can simply jump into a first-class seat on an airliner and head off to, oh, Cannes, Como or Malibu.

The thing is, it’s very easy to fall in love with the U.K. under those circumstances.  All that British stuff and the matchless beauty of the countryside is like one big theme park, and it is just how it’s described:  charming, quaint and pretty.

And I haven’t even touched on the history, the kind one experiences when finding out that people have been worshipping in a little stone church since the 12th century, or stumbling across some broken clay pots from the Bronze Age in a field somewhere, or seeing the outline of a Roman road winding across an impossibly-green meadow where now a flock of snow-white sheep are grazing contentedly, safe from predators like lions, bears or even wolves.

It’s a gentle country, so unlike the harshness of the U.S. — and especially so when one is living in a wealthy cocoon like Clooney or Depp.  And it’s really easy to love a place when you’re not forced to live there as a native:  by family tradition, work or heritage.

If I sound familiar with the topic, it’s because I feel exactly the same way, having spent weeks and months living in Britishland, whether in Wiltshire at Mr. Free Market’s country house or The Englishman’s farm or in the latter’s cottage in an impossibly-beautiful Cornish seaside village.  After the first couple of weeks I was last there, I found myself browsing the real estate listings, wondering just how I could perhaps buy a little cottage in Devizes or Burton-on-Trent or Norton St. Philip or… or… or…

And if I had the wealth of the Cooneys, Depps, Cruises or their ilk, I would have done exactly what they have done.

Here’s the problem, though.  As I discovered, at some point you get sick of living in a foreign country, even one as pleasant as Britishland.  At some point, you get sick of the high prices (Brits are ripped off more than tourists in Manhattan, and it happens all the time);  sick of the tiny little roads that are so picturesque, and such a huge pain in the ass to use when you need to get somewhere in a hurry;  sick of the class- and wealth envy that you see every day on TV and hear in conversations in those quaint little pubs that serve delicious bitter ale, at £6 ($7.70) a pint.

You get sick of the stupid TV — oh, don’t get fooled by Downton Abbey or Midsomer Murders:  those are the very few jewels scattered around in the dreck and swill of Strictly Come Dancing, Love Island, TOWIE, the empty-headed morning TV hosts, and Piers Morgan.

And you get sick of how primitive the place is — a place which has simultaneously the best newspapers in the world and the worst Internet service (unless you live in London).   A place where you can wait a week for an electrician to come and fix your plug outlets, or where train service can be interrupted for days on end by chilly weather (!), not to mention the frequent strikes of the pampered working class.  Where a lowly bureaucrat can stop you putting up a privacy fence on your property, or after you’ve put it up, tell you to take it down because it’s six inches too high.

You’ll get sick of the petty crime that abounds everywhere — even in those postcard-pretty villages — and the indifference of the police to the problem.

And yes, you get sick of the weather, eventually.  Even those who prefer cooler temperatures and overcast skies will get sick of the ceaseless drizzle, the chill that seeps into your bones, and the inability of your clothes to ever dry out properly.  Like Seattle, only twenty degrees colder.  Why else would Britain boast the largest per-capita percentage of expats who move to Spain, Portugal, France and gawd help us Australia, in ever-increasing numbers?

None of this matters to our celebrity part-time Brits, because their careers take them off to film sets in California or Colorado where they can become, once again, Americans.

I still miss the place, terribly. I just don’t want to live there.

Who?

Celebrities, Journalist Scum

It’s not often that I comment on celebrity stuff, but this takes the cake:

The American people still hold a grudge against the Royal Family for how Princess Diana was treated, claims a senior journalist at ABC News.
The late Diana, who died in a car crash in Paris in August 1997, captivated the hearts of people worldwide with her charm, grace, and unwavering commitment to humanitarian causes.
And she had a particularly strong impact in America – with rumours she even planned to give up her life in the UK and move Stateside.

What a load of bullshit.  I dunno where this “senior journalist at ABC News” conducted his poll — no doubt among his “senior” journo buddies, over several cocktails at some foul Manhattan bar.

I doubt whether the average American under age… I dunno, maybe 60 — even knows who the Virgin Princess was.  And among the over 60s (like me), the reaction is most likely in the “who gives a rat’s ass?” class.

Indeed, the whole Royal Family concept is treated with barely-concealed contempt Over Here, with only a few royalty groupies even aware of the dramatis personae  in Britishland’s little social soap opera.  (I know who most of these parasites are, but that’s only because my university degree is in Modern Western Civilization — such as it was — and it’s necessary to know these goofs only because of the part they played in European history prior to WWI.)

And as it turns out, Prince Charles only married this upper-class twit because he couldn’t marry Camilla — yeah, that worked out well — and even better, she wasn’t the saintly Lady/Princess Di, but a shallow little Sloane Ranger (Britain’s Valley Girl equivalent, named for their fondness for the shops and clubs of Chelsea) who won the ultimate Sloan Prize:  to marry royalty.  And that worked out well, too.  Not.

Anyway, there is no “grudge” Over Here towards the Royals.  I bet this “senior journalist at ABC News” only made that statement to create some controversy prior to Charles’s coronation next week.

Sic semper iournalisti (or however they would have put it in 100 AD).