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Try: “Often”

Two-Minute Hate

H.L. Mencken once said: “Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.”

Here, I would suggest, is one of those times. One of the features of the Christmas season Over Here is the parade of the Festive Coca-Cola truck through the towns of Britishland:

Needless to say, this simple festive gesture/marketing campaign has fallen foul of the Usual Fucking Killjoys:

Head of Public Health England says annual marketing campaign targets areas where children suffer from higher rates of tooth decay and obesity

No doubt this tool’s Murkin counterparts are going to copy this rationale and target our beloved Budweiser Clydesdales for similar treatment, on grounds of beer-drunkenness.

On the advice of Mr. Mencken, therefore, allow me to offer this simple thought:

The Midi

Travels

No time to post anything cultural today; I’m off to the south of France, e.g.:

…and tonight I should be dining somewhere like this:

Yeah, I’ve had enough cold weather for a while, although apparently a cold front has swept through the place, making the weather more like Hardy Country than the Midi. (I know, I know: First World Problems.)

Tomorrow: Monaco, or maybe Provence. (I’m in the hands of Longtime Friend & Drummer Knob, so I have no idea where we’re going or what we’re doing. Pics to follow, if I can get decent wi-fi access on the road.)

Scandal

Behind Enemy Lines, Food & Drink

File this under “There ought to be a law”:

UK McDonald’s Run Out Of Bacon
Furious fast food lovers went into meltdown this morning after dozens of McDonald’s restaurants in the UK ran out of bacon.
Customers were unable to purchase popular breakfast items from the menu, including bacon rolls, bacon and egg McMuffins and bacon and egg bagels.
Restaurants in Devon, Essex, West Sussex and Greater Manchester have run out of pork and customers took to Twitter to vent their anger.

As well they should. I think it actually IS a law in parts of the U.S.:

Section 2 Part I:
No restaurant should ever run out of bacon, under penalty of imprisonment for the manager thereof.

I saw it on the Internet; it must be true.

Good Question

Men & Women

Ripped from the headlines:

“When does the meter stop ticking?” asks millionaire 
The money allowed [his ex-wife] to buy a £2million home in Cheshire… and a holiday villa in Mallorca and she also gets £175,000-a-year personal maintenance for life.

One would think this harpy would be satisfied with this generous settlement; but noooo:

Mrs Waggott however claims she did not get enough from the financial package and wants her yearly payments increased by £23,000.
Her lawyer James Turner QC argued that she is entitled to an ongoing share of her husband’s earnings, as she helped him build his career by supporting him and the family on the home front.
He told the court the question of whether she is in financial ‘need’ is irrelevant, and urged the judges to concentrate instead on the issue of ‘fairness.’ He said: ‘A wife in her position, who has supported the husband through the early stages of a career during a 21-year relationship, should be entitled to a share of the fruits of that career, irrespective of ‘need’ in the conventional sense.

And this, m’lud, is why most people want to see lawyers flayed and crucified. Ditto greedy and rapacious gold-digging ex-wives.

5 Worst Deathbed Statements

Friday Feature, The Worst

Ranked in ascending order of awfulness, as always:

  • “Sorry about your inheritance, kids; but I think I still owe the I.R.S. four million dollars.”
  • “I’m not your real father, Jimmy; Harvey Weinstein is.”
  • “Kids, I’ve got ten million dollars stashed in a secret account in… urgggglllgh.”
  • In your dying delirium, telling Claire you always loved her, when your wife’s name is Patricia.
  • “I’ve got a terrible secret to tell you: my whole life, I’ve always voted Democrat.”

Your own suggestions in Comments, as always. Tastelessness preferred.