This is Lucy Fallon, who’s a Brit soap actress (I think Coronation Street, but whatever).
Very cute.
We’ll be looking at her TV mum later…
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Best 3 Views, Texas Version
The three things a Texas boy likes to see the most?
- The “Welcome to Texas” road sign at the Oklahoma border
- The “BBQ” sign on any restaurant while traveling
- The sight of a naked woman standing at the foot of your bed, pulling off your cowboy boots.
I don’t know what people from other states enjoy seeing, so feel free to enlighten me.
Blind Pigs, Etc.
Here’s an interesting story, and — you may all reach for the smelling salts now — it’s a topic on which I actually agree with Piers Morgan.
Celia Walden believes that “every woman” should have a male friend – but her husband Piers Morgan disagrees.
The 48-year-old revealed that the battle she’s fought to maintain close connections with men she cares about has been fiercely opposed by TalkTV star Piers, who insists they want sex. She clarified: “Full disclosure: my husband doesn’t like me having friends of the opposite sex.
“Like throw pillows, I’ve had to fight for every one I possess. He’s convinced (like so many men) that any straight man is only using ‘the old friendship ruse’ to try to sleep with me.”
Celia took a different approach, telling the publication she believes male pals might be like “husbands”, but they come totally free from “the sex or the resentment”.
No, they don’t.
I don’t trust men around women at the best of times — other than close friends and family — and it has nothing to do with jealousy or trust, either.
Here’s what I know. At several times in her life, a woman gets to be emotionally vulnerable. She’s feeling depressed, or she and hubby Had Words, or maybe she’s going through one of those “What about MY movie?” episodes… whatever, she’s fragile. Men sniff that out because that’s what men do. And at that point, all good intentions, firm resolutions and all that will disappear, and the ripe peach is plucked. Add half a bottle of wine, and off you go.
She may hate herself right afterwards (or even during) the act, and hate Roger The Todger for being such an Absolute Bastard For Taking Advantage Of Her.
[insert frog and scorpion fable here]
But of course it’s too late, and to use the Afrikaans expression, the bullet has gone through the church and there’s no getting it back.
And just so we know what’s going on here, this is Celia Walden (48):
…and here she is with her total twat of a husband:
I wouldn’t trust other men around her, either, no matter how “platonic”. Like I said, I know exactly where Morgan’s coming from, and I agree.
I still want to emulate Clarkson, though, and punch him in the face.
Pay The Price
Some Belgie chick went to London and was astonished to be charged through the nose for her breakfast.
A tourist has come under fire for complaining about paying £3.55 for two croissants and a bottle of water at a London supermarket.
Here’s why I have no sympathy.
1) Any time you visit a major city (pretty much anywhere, Tokyo, Zurich ahem), you’re probably going to pay more than you expect for stuff, and in London more so than most, especially when the currency exchange is factored in. (In Murkin greenbacks, this amount would be $4.50 or so — typical for a quick breakfast in L.A. or NYfC, probably, but without the quality guarantee.) Which leads to my next point:
2) It’s Marks & Spencer, FFS. Chances are that said croissants are as good or better than she could get anywhere else in Europe, with the possible exception of Paris. That’s why they’re more expensive than most places: they go for quality over everything else, and you pay the premium accordingly..
3) Water? With croissants? Loath as I am to tell a Euro how to eat their food, the proper liquid to be consumed with croissants is coffee. Okay, considering the locale, a cup of tea could be substituted, but water? Ugh.
When in Rome, do as the Romans do; and when in London, suck it up and pay, Margriet.
News Roundup
And speaking of partying:
...given the condition of the average boy’s bedroom, no wonder she got sent to jail, endangering their health like that.
...if you’re going to sell cut-price airfares and super-cheap beer, can a horde of drunken Brits be far behind?
In the No Shit, Sherlock department:
...you don’t say. Next experiment: to prove that water is wet.
More news from The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:
…
In Political News:
...and rightly so.
And even better:
…
Just don’t stop with Education, okay? [produces long list of candidates] Or else call ol’ Javier Milei in Argentina for his list.
...if by some magic every Trump ballot vote in Texas were to disappear into thin air, she’d still only come in fourth. And “Beto”? Who he?
...I’m just surprised that this happened where it did. Keyword: NYfC.
From the Police Blotter:
...what’s amazing about this was how long it took her to get caught. Keyword: Illinois.
...okay, you can stop that derisive laughter now. Just so you have some left for this one:
...keyword: Thailand.
We interrupt this news for an editorial comment:
WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE THESE DAYS?
To continue:
In the Dept. of Education:
...let’s hear it from the Teachers Union. What, nothing?
And in no-link 
...it’s just been way too long since we featured Salma on these pages, so here we are:
...I’ll say they are.
And that’s all the globular news we’re going to look at.
And They Want To CURE This?
Sexsomnia is a condition that causes people to engage in sexual activity while their brains are technically asleep. This can include masturbation, groping, sexual vocalisation and attempts to initiate sex with a partner.
Although sexsomnia is an uncommon condition, it’s unclear how many people suffer from the sleep disorder. It is believed to affect three times more men than women [I bet it does — K], however many people are unaware they suffer from the disorder; while others are ashamed to admit they have it.
Studies estimate that roughly seven percent of the global population experience it at least once, and many typically cannot remember what they did in deep sleep and many are ashamed of it.
Ashamed? Of an involuntary condition? What is the matter with these people?
Let’s be honest, here. “…roughly seven percent of the global population experience it at least once”, and let us assume, as with most distribution studies of this type, that in a subset of that 7%, a vast number of these incidences are around the “once” frequency.
Which, in a global population of (say) 5 billion adults is about as close to zero as makes no difference.
In other words: it ain’t gonna happen to you.
And if it does, if you’re in bed with (say) Paige Spirinac or Salma Hayek as opposed to Hillary Clinton or Nancy Pelosi (sorry), it’s more of a blessing than a curse. Or with your wife or girlfriend, or any woman who, on experiencing these nocturnal gropings, is not going to accuse you of rape (for, lest we forget, an involuntary/unconscious act).
I leave it to my individual Lady Readers as to their response to this hypothetical situation — knowing some of them as I do, my guess is that they will greet excuses of “But it’s my sexsomnia!” with scorn if not actual violence, bless ’em.
Or they’ll get into the spirit of the thing and joyfully participate. [checks for pigs flying past the window]
The only reservation I have is with the research methodology. No way has this been observed, so to speak, in a controlled laboratory setting; rather, of course, it depends on respondents’ experiences and memories — and when it comes to les questions sexuelle, most people lie like Clintons.
So ignore all the above; and if you do suffer from sexsomnia, relax and enjoy your problem.