Addendum

Here’s something from Insty:

I haven’t seen any of them, of course, and am unlikely to do so — unless they’re on Netflix already, and even then…

…which brings me to a new movie — okay, series — that I have seen, watched over the past weekend, in fact.

My one-word review:  Don’t.

My longer review:  total and utter bullshit, with a paper-thin plot, an unbelievable “heroine”, and more holes in the plot (and action sequences) than in the average piece of Swiss cheese — and I apologize in advance for any slight against Swiss cheese.

Suffice it to say that the good guys all shoot like Jerry Miculek, while the bad guys (predictably) all shoot like guys who flunked out of Imperial Stormtrooper Beginners Marksmanship Qualification.  And watching the 82-pound Keira Knightley fighting a Special Forces sniper hand-to-hand — and winning — is enough to make you reach for the barf bag.

There’s even a sub-plot where the good-guy assassin is (surprise, surprise) a homo with (of course) a Black lover.  That this relationship is actually one of the more interesting and entertaining parts of the show should say it all.

I would go into greater detail, but that would require making an effort which this stupid series really does not deserve.

And to prove how totally crap this show is, Netflix has committed to Season 2 already.

Don’t say you haven’t been warned.

Faded Memories

…or more accurately, no memories at all.  The still-lovely Isabella Rossellini laments:

Rossellini admitted struggling with being known largely for her parents at first, but now she wishes more young people appreciated her parents.

‘I used to be introduced as “Ingrid Bergman and Roberto Rossellini’s daughter,” and it bothered me, because I would think, “I am my own person,”‘ she admitted.

‘But now, the younger generation doesn’t know them, and it breaks my heart. Their reputations outlived them, but fame is very brief,’ she added.

I’m keenly aware of this, because my own kids, all in their mid-thirties, have not the slightest interest in watching any movie — no matter how much I extol its virtues — if it was filmed in black & white.  They claim that they just can’t get past the “unreality” of the B&W monochromatic colors.

This is like refusing to read Shakespeare because it wasn’t written in modern-day English or in text-speak [spit].

What’s worse is that while there are a huge number of old movies that are, well, crap, there remains a body of work which is so much better than anything being released by the movie studios today that it scarcely needs an exposition — and that even allowing for the clunky special effects of those old movies which used them.

Side note:  That’s  not always the case.  I remember an occasion when the original (and restored uncut) King Kong was shown to a group of movie students in Scandinavia somewhere, and the gruesomeness of the scene where giant spiders eat the hapless sailors actually caused half the audience to flee the theater.

What’s even worse is that the oldies were made for grownups, yeah, actual adults, before “adult movies” became a euphemism for thrusting naked buttocks and gynecological close-ups of female pudenda.  I guess that part of this can be blamed on my Baby Boomer generation [sigh], when “young people” became a distinct market of “teenagers”, whose enormous buying power caused movie makers to make crap like Beach Blanket Bingo or Wild In The Streets, whereas ten years earlier such shallow and simplistic fare would have been roundly decried and boycotted.  Throw in the Playboy  ethos of the 1950s and, well, you know the rest.  (I’m not decrying Hefner’s magazine for causing the sexual revolution, but it no doubt facilitated it.)

It pains me that B&W movies per se  are going to disappear, not because of the propensity of generations to denigrate the output of their parents and grandparents (in the case of movies), but because so much incredible artistic work will disappear along with them.

And you’ll forgive me if I would be somewhat unimpressed by the efforts of some modern director like Michael Bay or Christopher Nolan to do justice to Hitchcock’s Rebecca., or a Quentin Tarentino redo of Casablanca.

I think I threw up in my mouth a little, just thinking of that.  My heartfelt apologies.

Here’s Isabella’s mom, to atone:

“Dear Mr. Rossellini,

“I saw your films Open City  and Paisan, and enjoyed them very much. If you need a Swedish actress who speaks English very well, who has not forgotten her German, who is not very understandable in French, and who in Italian knows only ‘ti amo’, I am ready to come and make a film with you.”  — Ingrid Bergman

Rank Stupidity

Via the Daily Express, I see that IMDB has just ranked its Top 10 British WWII movies, and to say I disagree with some of their choices would be putting it mildly.

The definition of a “British” war movie is that it needs to involve principally Britain and Britons, in and around Britain or in a British-only environment.  This would exclude movies like The Longest Day, Where Eagles Dare (a junk movie anyway), and even A Bridge Too Far (which is not junk). Also, movies about war are not really the some as war movies (which feature soldiers, battles and killing and stuff) although there can be some killing on the Home Front, so to speak.  So I’ve divided them into two lists, and here they are:

Kim’s Top 10 Actual British War Movies:

  1. Bridge Over The River Kwai
  2. Battle of Britain
  3. 633 Squadron
  4. The Hill
  5. The Long Day’s Dying
  6. In Which We Serve
  7. The Cruel Sea
  8. The Dam Busters
  9. Ice Cold in Alex
  10. Dunkirk*

*Included because of its subject matter, and was so good a production that not even director Christopher Nolan could screw it up.  I haven’t seen the 1959 movie of the same name, but I’m going to.

Then we have the movies which were set in 1940s Britain, but contained no actual battlefield combat.

Kim’s Top 10 British Movies about WWII:

  1. Hope & Glory
  2. The Imitation Game
  3. Darkest Hour
  4. Mrs. Miniver
  5. A Matter of Life and Death
  6. Eye Of The Needle
  7. The Gentle Sex
  8. Went The Day Well? / The Eagle Has Landed*
  9. Island At War (TV series)
  10. Foyle’s War (TV series)
  11. (Honorable Mention:  Yanks )

*Essentially the same story;  German paratroopers land in an isolated English village and take it over.  But Went The Day  is the more realistic.

Printed Matter

A parallel thought occurred to me as I was putting together the above post (Rank Stupidity):  what about some decent books about WWII Britain?

Of course, there are thousands upon thousands of them, but what follows are two (unranked) lists of the ones I’ve read.  I’ve mostly ignored the general history books (Churchill’s The Second World War, etc.) to concentrate on novels and biographies.

Let me start with the ones that spawned various of the WWII movies mentioned above. (F) denotes fiction, otherwise historical.

  • Enemy Coast Ahead (The Dam Busters) — Guy Gibson V.C.
  • The Eagle Has Landed — Jack Higgins (F)
  • Eye Of The Needle — Jack Higgins (F)
  • The Hill — Leonard B. Scott (F)
  • The Cruel Sea — Nicholas Monsarrat (F) might be the best naval story ever told.

Then there are others that mostly haven’t been made into movies (yet):

  • Bomber — Len Deighton (F)
  • The entire RAF series (e.g. Piece of Cake, Damn Good Show, etc.) — Derek Robinson (F)
  • The Colditz Story — P.R. Reid (the movie wasn’t that good, hence its exclusion from the top 10 movie list)
  • HMS Ulysses — Alistair Maclean (F)
  • Reach For The Sky — Paul Brickhill (Douglas Bader biography)
  • Cheshire V.C. — Paul Brickhill (about the man who succeeded Gibson at 617 Squadron)
  • The Tunnel — Eric Williams
  • The Sword Of Honour trilogy — Evelyn Waugh (F)
  • Citizens Of London — Lynn Olson

That’s a partial list, of course.  But it says something of all of them — some of which I haven’t read in over thirty years — that I remember them to this day.

Never Again

Watched the Oppenheimer  movie the other night with New Wife.  I of course was familiar with the whole Trinity/Manhattan Project/Oppenheimer story, so I was able to follow the plot reasonably well.

New Wife knew very little about the topic, and as a result she fell asleep about a third of the way through;  she couldn’t make head or tail of the thing because the dialogue was indistinct and often obscured by the ambient noise of the movie set, so boredom set in and off into dreamland she went, the lucky girl..

The fault is mine because I should have paid more attention to the opening credits.

Director:  Christopher Nolan.

FFS, when is this pretentious asshole going to be tossed onto the garbage heap of cinematic history?

I have complained — often — about the current moviemaking trend of mumbled dialogue and over-loud soundtracks.  Nolan doesn’t just fall into the trap of this trendy nonsense:  he positively revels in it, and is proud of the fact that his movies are profoundly indistinct, both in terms of his characters’ dialogue and in the lack of lighting.

Oppenheimer  was a fine example of all his nonsense.  And it was a shit movie.

I’m never going to watch another of Nolan’s movies, ever again.  Fuck him, the arrogant swine.

Intersections

At the DM, Brian Viner lists his 100 Greatest Movies ever made.  Rather than come up with my own, let me go down his selection and simply list those with which I agree, and those I don’t (just follow along his article for the synopses).  If I think he’s missed one, I’ll put it at the end.  YMMV.

The Godfather.  No argument, although I think I and II  should be treated as a single movie, because they actually are.
The Wizard of Oz.  Agree.
Psycho.  Agree.
Jaws.  Agree.
Some Like It HotDisagree, but only mildly.  Top 200, maybe.
Casablanca.  Agree.
One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.  Agree.
Lawrence Of Arabia.  Agree.
The Graduate.  Agree.
Citizen Kane.  I have a problem with this one because I don’t like it.  But as a groundbreaking movie for its time, I guess it’s worth inclusion.
Bonnie and Clyde.  Agree.
Apocalypse NowStrongly disagree.  It’s a weak movie — and to prove my point, the unforgettable scene with Robert Duvall is the best part of the movie even though it’s completely irrelevant to the plot.
Singin’ In The RainDisagree.  Another candidate for top 200, but An American In Paris would have been a better choice.
The Apartment.  Agree.
Shoah.  Is it important?  Yes.  Is it a great movie?  No.  Few documentaries are.
Modern Times.  Agree.
Brief Encounter.  Agree.
Double Indemnity.  Agree.
The Banshees Of InisherinDisagree.  I’ve tried to watch this movie on three separate occasions, and have still never managed it all the way through.
Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs.  Agree.  (Although as animated Disney movies go, I prefer The Lady And The Tramp.)
The Sound Of MusicMehMy Fair Lady  was better.
Kind Hearts And CoronetsDisagree, but only mildly.  Top 200, maybe.
The Silence Of The Lambs.  Agree.
The Maltese FalconDisagree.  Flimsy plot, bad acting.  Double Indemnity was far better, as was Farewell My Lovely (both versions).
The French Connection.  Agree.
Alien.  Agree, because it transcends science fiction (which I’m not a fan of).  I agree with the inclusion of
Star Wars for the same reason.
Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid.  Agree.
Annie Hall.  Sorta-agree.  I don’t think Woody Allen is a good director, although his Midnight In Paris  was superb — less introspective, less gauche, much better than Annie Hall, but still not in the top 100.
Raging Bull.  Agree.  Easily the greatest biopic ever made.
Pulp Fiction.  Agree.  The only one of Tarantino’s movies I’ve ever watched more than once.
It’s A Wonderful Life.  Agree.
The Life And Death Of Colonel Blimp.  Never seen it.  Maybe I should.
The General.  Agree.
The Bridge On The River Kwai.  Agree.
There Will Be Blood.  Agree.
Taxi Driver.  Agree.
The Deer Hunter.  Agree.
2001: A Space OdysseyDisagree.  Boring, pretentious and long-winded.
Seven Samurai.  Agree, and I also like The Magnificent Seven.
VertigoDisagree.  It’s Hitchcock, but it’s not what I’d consider a great movie.
All About Eve.  Agree.
Top HatDisagree.   I love me some Fred ‘n Ginger as much or more than anyone else, but they’re not Great Movies.
Bicycle Thieves.  Agree.
On The Waterfront.  Agree.
Nashville.  Agree.
Rome, Open CityNever saw it.
Duck Soup. Agree, but prefer Monkey Business.
The Searchers.  Agree.
The Conversation.  Agree.
Dr. Strangelove.  Agree.
BoyhoodHaven’t seen it.
Schindler’s List.  Agree.
The Producers.  Sorta-agree, although I can’t stand Mel Brooks.
No Country For Old Men.  Agree.
Monty Python’s Life Of Brian.  Agree.
Tokyo StoryNever saw it.
The Elephant Man.  Agree.
Deliverance.  Agree.
Apollo 11.  See my rap on Shoah, above.
What Ever Happened To Baby Jane?  Agree.
Spartacus.  Agree.  Grudgingly.
Toy Story.  Agree.
The Lives Of Others.  Agree.
The Good, the Bad and the UglyDisagree.  Fun movie, but definitely not “great”.
West Side StoryDisagree.  High-class camp.
The Third Man.  Agree.
Shakespeare In Love.  Agree.
His Girl Friday.  Agree.
Henry V.  Agree.
The ShiningDisagree.  Run-of-the-mill horror flick.  Ask yourself:  if it had been any actor other than Jack, would this movie make any list?
Chinatown.  Agree.
Zulu.  Agree.
Sunset Boulevard.  Agree.
City Lights.  Agree.
Gone With The Wind.  Agree.
The Best Years Of Our Lives.  Agree.
Ben Hur.  Maybe, but better than Spartacus, anyway.
Get OutHaven’t seen it, doubt that I will because I’ve already seen Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner?
Night Of The Hunter.  Agree.
Rear Window.  Agree.  In truth, only Hitchcock’s Psycho and Rear Window  belong on this list.
Star Wars.  Agree.  But only the very first (third?) one.
Parasite.  Agree.
All The President’s MenDisagree.  As history, it sucks.  As a thriller, it’s boring.
High Noon.  Agree.
The ExorcistDisagree.  Compelling, frightening, but not great.  (Ditto The Omen, for the same reason.)
KesDisagree.
Shane.  Agree.
Chariots of Fire.  Agree.
It Happened One Night.  Agree.
12 Angry Men.  Agree.
When We Were KingsNever saw it.
The Vanishing.  Agree.
The Sting.  Agree.
To Kill A Mockingbird.  Agree.
This Is Spinal TapDisagree.  Loved the movie, but “great” it ain’t.
In The Heat Of The Night.  Agree.
GoldfingerDisagree.  None of the Bond movies is “great”.  Fun, yes… but not great.
Raiders Of The Lost Ark.  Agree.  But none of the sequels (see:  Star Wars).
Thelma And Louise.  Agree.
Oliver!  Disagree!  despite outstanding performances from Ron Moody and Oliver Reed.

Notable omissions:

The Lady Eve.  Preston Sturges, Barbara Stanwyck and Henry Fonda.  Brilliant comedy.
The Postman Always Rings Twice.  Inexplicable omission.  The original with John Garfield or the Jack Nicholson remake would make my list.
Scenes From A Marriage.  Ingmar Bergman, ’nuff said.
Rocky.  No-hoper nearly makes it.  An American story.
Full Metal Jacket.  Another American story.
Badlands.  And a third, only this one about real people, sorta.
The Lion In Winter.  Quite easily one of the best historical dramas ever filmed.  If not this, then
A Man For All Seasons.  I’m not sure that anyone could argue against this one being on a top 20 list, let alone a top 100.  Inexplicable omission.
Notorious.  Possibly the best Hitchcock movie, and could replace either Psycho or Rear Window in the above list.
The Long Riders.  Inexplicable omission.  It and the next one could tie for “best Western ever made”, with all due respect to The Searchers.
Unforgiven.  Best Clint Eastwood movie ever made.  And let’s not forget
Stagecoach.
In Bruges.  I’d put this on the list way ahead of The Banshees Of Inisherin.  Same principal actors, even.
Pandora’s Box.  Did someone forget the early German movies?  I didn’t.
Fargo.  The Coen Brothers at their wicked best.
The Matrix.  One of the better concepts in any sci-fi / dystopia movie.  As was
Blade Runner.  Omitted?  I’m not even a fan of the genre, but it was a brilliant movie.
A Clockwork Orange.  The best Kubrick movie.
Brazil.  Leaving out this movie and the previous three makes me think that Viner either doesn’t like or doesn’t understand the dystopia genre.
Being There.  Are you kidding me?  One of the greatest satirical movies ever, not to mention Peter Sellers being brilliant.
Rescuers Down Under.  Best animated cartoon movie ever made.
Zeffirelli’s Romeo And Juliet.  Beats out West Side Story, by ten lengths.
From Here To Eternity.  Better than any three other war movies combined, excluding
Aces High.  One of the grittiest war movies ever.  And speaking of which, there’s also
All Quiet On The Western Front — the first b&w version.
Grapes of Wrath.  I guess Okies don’t play well in Britishland.
Bound For Glory.  Even though Guthrie was a Commie rat.  It’s Hal Ashby, FFS.  Also
The Last Picture Show for the same reason.
Nosferatu.  Horror horror horror.
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial.  Brilliant sci-fi.  As is
Starman.
The 400 Blows.  François Truffaut’s debut movie.  Good grief.
Fahrenheit 451.  Eerily prophetic, but not as bad as the present day.  Also notable as having been directed by Truffaut in English, when he could barely speak a word of it — and by the way, Viner seems to have forgotten or ignored all French directors, not one of whose works made his list.  So much for being a movie critic.

So I’ve disagreed with fifteen or so of Viner’s century, and suggested three dozen or so alternatives.

Finally, my total ringer:  September Affair.  And not just for its theme song.

Feel free to add your own, or to disagree with any of the above.