…a warm and wonderful New Year.
And may all the new guns you buy in 2019 shoot straight and work properly.
You are going to buy some new guns in 2019, aren’t you? It’s one way to make your New Year a happy one.
And speaking of happy:
Cheers, y’all. That’s for “Dry January”… and after that, it’s this for “Veganuary”:
Might as well start the year off the way I plan to do for the rest of it: pissing off the people who want me to stop enjoying myself.
I see that the Disney Corporation has decided, in its infinite wisdom, to drop Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow character from future releases of the Pirates Of The Caribbean franchise.
This would be akin to Paramount deciding to drop Clint Eastwood’s Harry Callahan from the Dirty Harry series.
R.I.P.
Considering that Depp’s performance was the only thing that made the whole thing at all watchable, this should be its death knell, and not a moment too soon. I watched the first two Pirates movies with huge enjoyment, lost interest after that. I doubt that anything Disney does would make me watch another one, unless the new lead character was portrayed by Carol Vorderman, in the nude.
I never read celebrity trash [some overlap] magazines unless I’m in a waiting room and there’s nothing else to read except for magazines that will make me grow breasts just by touching them. And even then, I page quickly through crap like People, Us and Entertainment Weekly, playing a game with myself as to how few of the “celebrities” I can actually recognize. (My current score is roughly 5%, and that only because some 70s musicians occasionally make the presses, see below.)
A couple of days ago I was waiting for the Mexicans to finish cleaning my car, and the only magazine to read was (I think) People, and I thought I’d share just a couple samples of their fare:
“I’ve never given 60 seconds of my life to those Housewives of Blah Blah and the Kardashians. I don’t know their names.” — Jon Bon Jovi
Me neither. Well, to be honest, I do know some of the Kardashian coven (Kim, Kris and Kunty), but that’s about it. But thankfully, all the “real” housewives are a complete blank to me.
Then there is a feature called “5 Things We’re Talking About“… oy. Here are a couple examples:
1 ) Prince George is taking ballet lessons. And according to his dad William, “he loves it”. These, lest we forget, are the two future kings of Great Britain, King Gormless I and the Gay-King Georgie-Boy. How special.
3 ) Some Australian billionaire is funding the building of a complete replica of the Titanic, only with (and I quote), “more lifeboats and modern navigation equipment”. Just to be on the safe side, the new Titanic should still operate only in the Southern Pacific because of you-know-what.
There was more, oh so much more, but then Ricardo called out that my car was all done. Boy, was it ever — it looked brand new.
I gave him a good tip*. I told him never to read People magazine. He’ll thank me for it one day.
*Also $10. He did a great job.
I read SOTI that there is a better-than-50/50 chance that the bloated and loathsome Hollywood mogul [some overlap] Harvey Weinstein may not be convicted for #MeToo DoublePlusUngood Sex Crimes after all.
I have no idea if this is true, of course, but should this happen, Evil Kim is cackling his ass off at the probable feministical reaction.
Hasten the day…
Spies Sources tell me that the following names for new car models were once suggested in various countries, but rejected for some strange reason or another. From bad to worst (and one which was actually accepted):
(Actually, both Lambo and VW have been jointly responsible for some of the worst car names in history, so no surprise that they’re #1 and #2.)
Your suggestions in Comments…
We often imagine how things might have turned out if instead of X, we’d done Y or Z, and so on. Imagine how TV show Gilligan’s Island might have turned out with this cast:
Whoa. In fact, all the above auditioned for those parts in the show, but were rejected. And here’s Mary Ann in the alternate universe:
For the record, I’ve only ever watched a few episodes of Gilligan’s Island because boredom, and not since because brain bleed. With the above cast, I might have been tempted to watch more, and not just because of Raquel.
Here’s an exercise. Put your favorite modern actors (at any age) into those roles, and imagine how the show would have changed.
Here are my suggestions, by way of example, which I think would have made the show not only more grown-up, but more watchable (and funnier):
…but I can’t beat
Go on, it’s your turn (and it’s harder than you think).