Trends

…and not any trends that I can enjoy, either.  Here’s the first:

Trendy cafes ban ‘superfood’ [avocado]  amid fears they are damaging the environment and boosting criminal cartels

Seriously?  Feel free to read the whole thing, but it may make you ill when you see how the Trendy Elite justify total foolishness.  (Then, on the other hand, these are the same people who read the Guardian and the NYFT, and blindly vote Labour / Democrat [i.e. socialist], so small wonder they’re vapid idiots.)

But if you thought that was stupid, try this piece of utter bullshit:

Chef Heston Blumenthal reveals newfound taste for GRAVEL after adding pebbles and rocks from his garden to soup

So, to sum up the meals of the future:  avocados bad, gravel and pebbles good.

Got it.  Fucking morons.

Gluttony

Oh FFS, I did NOT need to hear about this, from Marks & Spencer in Britishland:

A supermarket pie is proving so popular with the public that production is being doubled to keep up with customer demand.
M&S launched its ‘Our Best Ever Steak Pie’ last week, and had sold out in stores nationwide that same day as customers scrambled to get their hands on the meaty treat.
And now the high street giant has announced that the £6 pie, which serves two people, has become its fastest selling product ever – with 20,000 flying off the shelves in just two days.
On its second day of sales it moved into the top 10 bestsellers list – and is already on track to become number one.

And to make matters worse, here’s what it looks like:

[exit, drooling]

Now THAT’S A Crisis

OMG — this past hot summer has caused a problem of serious dimensions over in Britishland:

The price of fish and chips is expected to soar this winter – due to a potato shortage that threatens to put some chippies out of business.
The cold snap early in the year followed by a long hot summer has hit potato crops in the UK, and a sack of spuds now costs double what it did last year.
And the situation has been worsened by increases in the price of cod and haddock due to scarcity caused by warmer sea temperatures.
Crops in northern Europe have been affected by similar weather, meaning the situation cannot be solved by imports.

I’m not big on government intervention, as a rule, but if ever there was a time when the BritGov needs to step in with a little relief (e.g. no sales taxes on fish ‘n chips, no import duty on foreign-grown potatoes, or reduced business taxes for chippies?), this would be the time.

Because if I go back Over There later next year and find no chippies in my favorite towns (e.g. Devizes, Wilts), there will be trouble.

We’re talking a national crisis, folks.  The nearest parallel I can think of for us Murkins would be if hamburger meat were to be similarly affected Over Here.

Are there any Idaho potato farmers listening?  I sense an export opportunity.

Little Late

For some reason (inebriation of the editorial committee, no doubt), my copy of Modern Drunkard magazine arrived late this month;  but I think the exhortation is nevertheless quite motivational:

This nonsense of naming days as “Blah Blah Blah Day” is just stupid.  Wait till tomorrow to see exactly how stupid…

Uniquely American?

This article (via Insty) lists the top 5 restaurants that define America, and quite frankly, it made me gloomy. Here’s why.

Two of the restaurant chains (Taco Bell and Domino’s) are basically watered-down bastardizations of another country’s food type.  Taco Bell is barely Mexican, and Domino’s is barely Italian — much as is the case with Spaghetti Warehouse and Olive Garden.  (I do take issue with the author’s lionization of made-in-Italy pizza, by the way.  I think you get better pizza in New Jersey and Chicago than anything made in Rome, for instance.)  That both Domino’s and Taco Bell are so popular — despite their tenuous relationship with their specific ethnic origins — is fine, I guess;  but it does point to the homogenization of the American diet, which is not so good.

Then there’s this about Starbucks:

When Howard Schultz conceptualized Starbucks, he wanted the coffee shop to be a “third place” for people. He knew that most people spent the majority of their time at home and at work. He hoped Starbucks would fill in any gaps that existed and become the place where people went when they were in between home and the office. And he succeeded.

That this defines America is a huge tell — because in almost every other Western country in the world, the “third place” is not a coffee bar but a pub.  That we prefer coffee to alcohol in our “third place” is unsurprising, because we Americans (your Humble Narrator very much excluded) have a peculiar attitude towards booze in that we’re constantly at war with it (e.g. Prohibition) while at the same time we’re in love with it.  Just as unfortunately, Americans prefer to consume booze to get drunk (e.g. shots, chasers and keggers) instead of using booze moderately, as a social lubricant.  Worst of all, American bars have totally fucked things up either by playing loud, horrible music inside as though they’re dance clubs, or else by mounting giant TV screens on the walls to screen sporting contests (likewise played at earsplitting volume, to create the “live” atmosphere).  Being deafened by rap or rock music or having one’s conversation destroyed by screaming sports fans is not supportive of socializing — which, by the way, is one thing that Starbucks did get right, by not succumbing to the bar ethic.  The other thing that Starbucks got right — even though I disagree with it — is that by pricing their product so high, they’ve made coffee equivalent to booze (a Starbucks coffee costs about the same as a beer and is only marginally cheaper than, say, a daiquiri).

As for the other restaurant chains named, I find little to disagree with (except for his dig at Wendy’s).  And thank goodness we have Dunkin’ Donuts, America’s answer to Britain’s Greggs chain.  Maybe there is hope for us after all;  but I still wish we had more of a pub culture Over Here, if for no other reason than to lessen the influence of the dreadful Starbucks.