My Thanksgiving Story

Outside the United States, Thanksgiving isn’t a holiday, nor even a thing — their loss — so I’m sometimes asked to explain the whole concept to foreigners.  Here’s the story I tell to do so.

Tom worked in the office next door to mine, back at the Great Big Research Company in Chicago.  He had moved down from Minneapolis to take the job, bringing his wife and kids with him.  Under the term “Straight White Corporate Guy” in the dictionary, you’d find his picture:  always immaculately dressed in suit and tie with polished Johnston & Murphy wingtips, glasses with thick lenses, hair cut short but not too short, a workaholic — you get the picture.

He also had a dark and impish sense of humor, completely out of character but made all the more enjoyable because it completely destroyed the stereotype.  (At the staff cafeteria lunch table one day, we were discussing what we’d do if we won the lottery.  Tom:  “Porn movies.”  “Make them or perform in them, Tom?”  “Both.”)

It came about that on one Thanksgiving, instead of taking the family back to Minneapolis for the extended family reunion, Tom had to stay because of work pressure;  He couldn’t leave on the Monday, as he usually did, so this year his wife and daughter went up early, while he stayed behind with his son, intending to drive up on the Wednesday evening.

Well, that never happened because on the day before Thanksgiving, the greater Minneapolis/St. Paul area was hit by a truly gargantuan snowstorm which was too much even for Minnesoduh to handle, which meant that Tom and his teenage son were stranded in Chicago until the day after Thanksgiving, at which point the roads would be clear enough for him to get there.  But as for Thanksgiving Day itself?  Just him and his boy.

Needless to say, there was no Thanksgiving meal, but Tom decided to make the most of it anyway, so he and his son went off to the nearby Jewel supermarket to get a substitute.  Tom, of course, did not know how to cook, so they got two frozen turkey dinners and went off to the checkout.

The cashier was a lady in about her fifties, and when she saw the two lonely TV dinners on the belt, she looked at Tom incredulously and said:  “Is this your Thanksgiving dinner?”

“Yes,” Tom said (and here’s where that sense of humor came in),  “This year, it’s just the two of us.”
“What about your wife?”
“She’s not with us.” (said with just a touch of melancholy)
“Oh no,” said the cashier, distraught.  Without a moment’s pause she said, “Would you and your son like to join my family for dinner later today?” 

And this, my friends, is the meaning of Thanksgiving.  This lady was prepared to open up her home and table to two total strangers, just so that they would have a family to share Thanksgiving with.

To his great credit, Tom was mortified, and with considerable embarrassment managed to extricate himself and his son from the predicament.  But he never forgot the episode.  Nor have I and, I hope, nor will you.

Despite everything, we Americans still have a lot to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Not Interested

For some reason, this story made me feel good today:

RONNIE O’SULLIVAN says he is a ‘snooker fake’ who should not be playing.

The Rocket is bidding to extend his record of seven UK Championships after beating Matthew Stevens in round one yesterday.  But O’Sullivan, 47 next month, said: “I shouldn’t even be playing at my age.  I don’t take it too seriously.  I find it all quite funny really.  I have a bit of an impostor syndrome.  I felt happier when I had that run of losing five finals.  But when I started winning tournaments again I didn’t really feel I deserved it.  It felt like a plot to allow me to do it, and I felt like a fake.”

“When I won the worlds again in May I didn’t feel great about it. I am feeling flat to be honest with you and don’t want to play snooker at the moment. I don’t play much and really don’t care. I mainly keep coming because it’s something to do.”

Easy to say when you’re the greatest snooker player of all time.  But I love his honesty.

Here’s Ronnie not caring…  yeah, it’s four hours long, but then again, it’s absolutely incredible.  Watch it tonight, for a Friday Night Movie;  or you can watch the first 15 minutes for the opening frame, and then the last few frames.

Novel Fundraiser

Wow, here’s an interesting one, from a Florida Girl no less:

Bryce Adams is no stranger to sexy snaps – and has shot to success by filming bonks with her boyfriend, which they share on the adult subscription site.  However, getting frisky for fans is not the only ingredient to the natural beauty’s success.

The 29-year-old, from Florida in the US, has an ‘authentic’ approach to the adult industry.

She documents all parts of her life – even petting her cat (no innuendo intended) – and the non-sexual content has helped her to build up a huge community of fans. 

Her followers include those in the Armed Forces, which has spurred her on to raise more than $70,000 (£61,000) for charity.

Bryce is grateful for the men and women of her country, who put their lives on the line so wanted to show her gratitude in her own unique way.

And so she decided to take her clothes off to raise money for Veterans Day (Friday 11 November).

She asked her 24,000 Twitter followers to retweet her naughty snaps – and for every retweet, she will donate $1 for veterans of the armed forces.

Bryce explained: “Veterans Day is near and dear to my heart.  I appreciate veterans and I thought, hey this is a totally different way for me to try and connect and support the veterans.

I know, you’re too lazy to follow the link…

Good for her, say I.

Perspective

From yesterday’s Comments:

“More than three million (and counting) “Texans” voted for Beto.”

Just remember that if all three million had voted in the same place, he wouldn’t even have carried Houston, let alone the whole state.

In fact, given that the Lone Star’s voting population numbers about 19 million, and at least ten percent of any given population are retarded assholes*, Beto’s vote count is not even double that number.


*Assuming that all retarded assholes would vote for Beto, that is, but there’s a limit even to asshole retardation.

Street Takeovers

Reader Mike L. sends me this heartening news:

Dangerous street takeovers are happening more and more often in Oklahoma City and across the nation, which is why an updated city ordinance is cracking down on large groups of people who illegally block intersections, roads, or parking lots. Street takeovers can include street racing, or can simply involve participants using their vehicles to block intersections while they take over the area with friends.

Not only do illegal takeovers increase crime, they also block medical responders during emergencies.

The updated ordinance includes vehicles being impounded for 90 days, while participants can be jailed for 60 days, as well as face fines of more than $2,000.

My only suggestion is that the towed cars are taken not to impound lots, but straight to scrapyards where the car crushers are waiting.  To paraphrase Samuel Johnson:  nothing concentrates the mind more than an imminent crushing.

And the fine takes away the deposit for a replacement.