Tag: Heroes

Dept. Of Righteous Slinging

Heroism

Reader Quentin sent me this little piece of hilarious goblin takedown:

A teenager helped save his younger sister from an alleged kidnapper by shooting the suspect with his slingshot, Michigan authorities said.

The 8-year-old girl was mushroom-hunting in her backyard in Alpena Township on Wednesday when “an unknown male appeared from the woods,” the Michigan State Police said in a press release on Friday.

“The suspect had come through the woods onto the property and came from behind her, grabbed her like you’d see in the movies — hand over the mouth, arm around the waist — and was attempting to pull her into the woods,” Lt. John Grimshaw with the Michigan State Police told ABC Traverse City affiliate WGTU.

The girl was able to break free, police said. Her 13-year-old brother also witnessed the attack and shot the assailant in the head and chest with his slingshot, police said.

And then:

The suspect fled the area but was located by state troopers hiding at a nearby gas station and was able to be identified in part due to injuries from the slingshot, police said.

“The suspect had obvious signs of injury sustained from the slingshot with wounds to his head and chest,” police said.

Now, can I ask you all to rise…

Well done, youngster.  Bravissimo.

(Too bad he didn’t have a .22 rifle, but in this case, I’ll definitely take two ball bearings to the body for $400, Alex.)

I can just hear the other prisoners now:  “Dude!  You got whacked by a kid with a slingshot?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

Dept. of Righteous Shootings

Righteous Shootings

Here’s the full story, but the executive summary runs as follows:

Shithead with an unknown grievance storms into an Amazon warehouse parking lot and shoots some other guy several times.

Unfortunately for him, this was not Amazon Warehouse (UK) nor even Amazon Warehouse (OR):  no, this was Amazon Warehouse (AZ).

We know this because another Amazon employee happened upon the scene, drew his own gun and shot the Aggrieved One stone dead.


Also good news: the first guy has apparently survived the shooting.

But wait! there’s more:

An Amazon spokesman, Richard Rocha, said the company is working with law enforcement as it investigates the shooting.

He said: “We are deeply saddened by this senseless act of violence in our parking lot.

“We’re working closely with law enforcement as they investigate and are focused on supporting our team during this difficult time.”

The way to “support your team”, Mr. Amazon Spokesman, is NOT TO FIRE Our Hero, who probably saved many lives by his action.

I’ll be watching this closely, because Amazon.

My Kinda Guy

Good Stuff, Law and Order

The Kim Award for Honest Speech and Straight Talk goes to Sheriff Grady Judd of Polk County FL for this outstanding comment:

People have a right to be safe in their homes… I highly recommend, if a looter enters your home, you grab your gun and you shoot him, you shoot him so he looks like grated cheese.

I bet he drinks straight bourbon with a vitriol chaser.

No doubt some fainting goats will have a problem with his fine suggestion;  just nobody on this website.