“Dear Dr. Kim,
“My wife, 64, is a kind woman but never enjoyed sex. To her, it was an unpleasant task, necessary for procreating. Once our children — now 34 and 32 — had been born, our sex life disappeared to nothing.
“I love my wife, and we get along as friends, so I accepted this as my lot in life. But I missed intimacy and feeling loved, the warmth of a woman’s body against mine.
“Then I met a much younger woman (31) at a work conference. At first, I couldn’t believe a beautiful young woman would be interested in an old man like me (I’m 64), and we began a passionate affair.
“The love-making is so incredible that I’m desperate to leave home and marry my lover — but I’m old enough to be her father. Despite being 30 years my junior, she has taught me so much about sex — positions I’d never imagined trying, using sex toys and talking dirty. These are things my wife wouldn’t have dreamed of doing and I can’t get enough of it.
“We have been sleeping together for almost a year. After three decades without a sex life, I am finally feeling fulfilled.
“I thought she was scamming me or using me for money. But she said she found my intellect a huge turn-on.
“I am sure my wife suspects that I am having an affair but I don’t think she cares.
“Would it be wrong of me to leave her and seek some happiness with my lover?”
— Drowning In Sex
Dear Drowning,
Yes, it would, and here’s why.
From what I can see, what’s holding you and Miss Hotty Totty together is lust and (in her case) being with someone more mature than the snowflakes of her own age group. This is not altogether a Bad Thing, of course (many relationships are based on far flimsier a foundation), but there are some realities you need to face.
In a couple-three years’ time, your dick is going to stop working. Not your fault, it’s just a sad consequence of male physiology. You can pop the Blessed Woody Pill all you want, but after a while it too will no longer be able to coax any interest from your drooping phallus, and you’ll be left with Custer’s Last Stand, so to speak.
In ten years’ time, you’ll be 74 — and if you’re like most other men, decrepitude will have set in, your brain will start to slow and you’ll be spending most of your time shouting at seagulls.
At this point in time, Miss Hotty Totty will be 40. Here’s a sample picture of a 40-year-old woman:
That’s actress Ruth Wilson. Do you think a woman like that will be wanting to push you around in a wheelchair for the next five or so years? And that’s not even the worst part; this is:
Ruth Wilson ‘thinks about having a baby every day’.
Yup. Unless Miss Hotty Totty has already popped a sprog or two (you didn’t say, but I’m guessing not), her little breeding clock is going to start clanging in her ears (and therefore yours too) like the bells of St. Mary’s. Do you really want to be a daddy again at age 67?
Okay, here’s my advice.
- Get a vasectomy, ASAP. Wank at least once a day for a week (to flush the remaining swimmers out of the tubes) before resumption of the extramarital bonking.
- Keep things going with Miss Hotty Totty and bonk away till your dick fails.
- Try to be discreet about the bonking, and keep this from your wife. I suspect that as long as you don’t throw it in her face, she’ll deal with it, as women so often seem to do.
- Accept that your May-November relationship is only a temporary (albeit fine) thing. Be a grownup.
- If Miss Hotty Totty starts making noises about a “family”, tell her about the vasectomy.
Do all those things, and when it all ends, as it will, at least it won’t end catastrophically. Unless your wife stabs you to death.
