News Roundup

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…and boy, the news is extra shitty today.


…and:


yeah, so remind me why I should get vaccinated again?  Hint:  never, and fuck off.


I think we should extend that policy to the un-imprisoned pedophiles as well.  Try to convince me I’m wrong.



oooh, the Fibbies must be getting fwightened


probably a good idea, come to think of it.  Not that I’m wishing any kind of physical violence against our beloved federal police force, oh no, not me.


and the next time some terrified homeowner shoots a fed agent by mistake, of course he’ll be the bad guy.


but hanging and the firing squad are too Krool & Hartless Whatever:


when Captain Slow has a wreck, there’s not much hope for the rest of us.  On the other hand, most of us don’t play silly-bugger games in tunnels.


am I the only one who had a sudden 1941 flashback?

And in (link-free) INSIGNIFICA:

     
and if her parents aren’t very proud of her, Child Welfare should be called in.

Finally:  I’m sick of the news.  So instead, here are some Ferraris, suitably accessorized:

So much for the news.

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*not actually.

So let’s use some of that obscure ammo to shoot the first asshole on the list:


treason trial to begin in 5…4…3… what, no trial?  No firing squad?  Are we surprised?


from Justin Fidelson, we expected anything else?


sorry kids, but unless Tony Blair is arrested for calling someone a “twat” on Twitter, we Over Here have more to worry about.


to which Boris replied: “Hey, remember when I was fired from being Prime Minister?”  He also said: “Slovenia is excellent and I shagged myself silly!”


yay, so there’s at least ONE Brit with the right idea.


yeah, more “Sandal” people killing “Gourd” people, or maybe it’s the other way round.  Whatever.

And still on the topic of speaking in tongues:


ah yes, the Anglicans;  irrelevant (and wrong) as always.


key word:  lawyer.  And her name:  Karen Snitch.


key word:  “Jamaicans”.


not to be taken literally, because this is Britishland, not Murka.


more to the point, we don’t need any of you assholes.  As you may soon find out.


considering the competition, not much of a victory.


man, when those Brits set out to eliminate “embarrassments” to the Royal Family, they sure can be sneaky.  Tunnels in Paris, and now a mountain lion


argh, FFS.  Can’t you chicks do anything without over-complicating the thing?

And in link-free INSIGNIFICA:

   


who she, you say?

Public Service Post:

 

Oh, and about all that fuss:

So now you know;  that, and the news.

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And the news will be only a little worse than a root canal (if that’s the name for that particular position;  I’m kinda out of touch).


big deal; pretty much everyone at the FBI could be busted for that.

From the Dept. Of The Blindingly Obvious:


oh please:  Ukraine is more desirable than New York or California.


one more time, with feeling:


chances of a school shooting in that county: <0


if you ignore the “fascist” (which is just shorthand for “someone we don’t like”), we’re left with “White Nationalist”. The GOP isn’t even that.


not to beat this dead hooker any more, but this wouldn’t have happened with nukes. You idiots.


and then there are those like Your Grumpy Editor, who was never sweet on them to begin with.


an inspired example of “community policing” — what happens when cops don’t do their duty.  Local U.S. police forces, nota bene.


when asked for a comment, Zeus said simply, “My bad, I missed.”


and I’d like to wring this little Colorado cocksucker’s neck, but no doubt someone’s going to have a problem with this.


the article is about HHS, but I’ve edited the headline to make it more all-purpose.  Feel free to point out where I’m wrong.

And in link-free INSIGNIFICA:

      actually sorta btdt, no names, no pain.


wait:  Shania Twain is 56???

Now that’s news, if there ever was.

Most British Headline Ever

I remember a story told to me once about a British bishop who was given a residence which happened to be in the middle of a golf course.  As it turned out, the property was unfenced, which ordinarily wouldn’t have been an issue, except that the bishop owned a black Labrador pup and club regulations banned all dogs from the course.

So, in the best British manner, they made the dog a member of the club, which resolved the issue.

I was reminded of this story when I saw this article, with the exquisite headline:

Guinness-guzzling Shetland pony BANNED from pub just one week after being made mayor

The story goes:

Council bosses have banned the Guinness-loving horse from The Drum Inn, in Cockington, after he was given his special title at a ceremony held on July 23.
The honour was granted in response to an online campaign to elect him to the post following the death of previous mayor Don Mills.
Despite his job title, Patrick, a Miniature Shetland, is now in trouble, as a planning enforcement officer told the pub they need planning permission for him to be allowed to graze in the pub garden.

This is easily the most British story ever, in that it combines love of animals, eccentricity and humorless, bullying officialdom all in a single tale.

The only thing that would make it a perfect story would be if Patrick were to bite the pissy little planning enforcement officer in the ass the next time he ventured into the pub.