Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Job Wanted

Politics

I’m going to apply for the job of Kamala Harris’s speechwriter.

I mean, how difficult can it be?  You take a random word generator, extract enough words to make a 5-minute speech, and take out a few of the egregious non-sequiturs (or not — who would notice?), then type it into the teleprompter.

Three minutes; job done.  Repeat as necessary.  Earn big bucks.

And how much worse could the outcome possibly be?  Nobody takes any notice of what the incompetent bitch says anyway.

True, going on the past rotations, the job would only last about four months, tops, but in the meantime, a hundred grand or more would nestle in Ye Olde Treasure Chestte.

Where do I apply?

Missed It By THIS Much

Gratuitous Chick Pics, Gratuitous Gun Pics, Resistance

Apparently, yesterday was International Orgasm Day or something equally stupid.

Needless to say, I missed it, just as I’ve missed so many of its namesakes.

Nowadays, of course, I’m more likely to have a Supreme Moment by looking at pictures of things like this: 

…or this:

…rather than this:

In truth, though, what would really get the old juices running would be… ummmm… how can I put this delicately, or in a manner which wouldn’t cause the fuzz to show up at my door…

A deep pit full of dead Socialists?

Something like that.

News Roundup

Bad News

(no sponsor this week, so I’ll just invent one:)

I wish.  Anyway, let’s fire away [sic] :


…a.k.a. Why Kim Left South Africa.


…ummmm… feeling a little conflicted here, Boss.


…wait, you ate street food in Bangladesh? LOLZ

And speaking of inedible food:


…excellent news because on the whole, Hershey makes the world’s worst-tasting chocolate.

From the Dept. of Unwelcome Settlers:


…welcome to our world, compadres.  Every single thing you don’t like about them, we don’t like either. 
(Signed)  Texas, Arizona, Florida, Utah, Idaho, Colorado and a couple others.


…and then the screws locked down the women’s block.  I report, you decide.


…no.  Nice try.  But if we’re going to go down that road, first let’s ban you fuckers from using private jets:  fly commercial.  And sell off your exotic car collections, while you’re there.


…in the “Custer Killed By Indians” Breaking News department.


…leading to the inevitable:  “YOU HAD ONE JOB!”


…“Husband Kills Himself In Delivery Room.”

And in INSIGNIFICA:

 


…and to nobody’s surprise, the last survivor is:

Finally:


…I dunno, man;  seems kind of a waste to me.  And isn’t she Colombian?

And that’s all the news that’s fit to be taxed.

The Other One

Funny Stuff

I know, I know… I shouldn’t be so childish;  but whenever I see a headline about D.C.’s current mayor, e.g.:

Today, Mayor Bowser of Washington, DC announced she had requested federal help with the influx of migrants arriving on buses from Texas and Arizona.

…all I can think of is this one:

Like I said, childish, but there it is.

Oh, and John Bauman has more talent in his little finger than the stupid mayor has in toto.

News Roundup

Bad News

Brought to you by:

And you’re going to need a drink after today’s Roundup…


…waaayyy ahead of you.  See next item.


…JUST in time for the mid-term elections and mail-in votes.  Fuck you, fuck your masks, fuck your “social distancing”, and fuck your lockdowns.


…shouldn’t be in ANY legislation, ever.


…and that’s PRESIDENT Ron DeSantis, to you.


…


…and I can’t wait to see the news videos of Girlyman Trudeau running to board his escape plane to Venezuela.  Otherwise:  so long, Canuckistan;  it was nice to know ya.


…ummm have you heard of this “NATO” thing?


…leading to, one hopes, a consumer blacklist of Verizon.


…I WANT THIS JOB.


…headline duly edited for this Roundup, because if you’re going to mention the race of the victim, it’s only fair to mention the race of the criminals, right?  RIGHT?


…only in the fashion industry could winter clothing be considered for summer wear.

And in no-link INSIGNIFICA:

   

…and here’s why no links in INSIGNIFICA:


…seeing as the Britcops have ended all OTHER crime in the country, let’s make up some new crimes.

Finally (to help erase the Gemma Collins pic):

Legs, hey?  Didn’t know she had ’em, never got that far down.

And that, I’m sure, classifies as news.