So here we go…
And speaking of national security:
And speaking of sex positions…
Now go to work.
Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
Train Smash Anticipation
Ooooh, this is going to be good:
Racegoers are free to wear what they want at the Jockey Club’s 15 racecourses after it was announced formal dress codes are being dropped in a bid to make horseracing more ‘accessible and inclusive’.
Instead of restricting racegoers from watching the action in certain enclosures based on what they are wearing, the Jockey Club has told its customers to ‘dress as you feel most comfortable and confident’.
The only exceptions to the new policy at any of the 342 fixtures staged by The Jockey Club is offensive fancy dress or offensive clothing of any kind and replica sports shirts.
One can only imagine what’s going to happen at Liverpool’s Aintree when the dress regulations are lifted, considering what’s happened in the past with a dress code:
Hold on to your hats, folks… it’s going to be a wild ride.
Caption Competition #266
Your suggestions in Comments.
News Update
This Update is sponsored by:
…for the people who really would like to eat it, but can’t. (see below)
From the Guess The Religion Dept.:
...or, as reported in the Times: “Palestinian teenager has mental health breakdown”.
...”supposed to have been deported”… uh huh.
...see above. And of course:
...wonder why? (Clue: not Spam lovers)
...by Christian White supremacists, according to the FBI.
...lemme take a wild guess: it sucks, big time and all the time.
And in “ordinary” news:
...I applied for the job, but apparently my answer to one question (land mines, machine guns nests and a thousand Nile crocodiles in the Rio Grande) led to my disqualification.
...keyword: Russia.
...not a sex fiend like Josef Fritzl, just some Doomsday nutcase.
From the Dept. of Modern Education:
...”raped” in the legal sense only. Most 16-year-old guys would line up to bonk Teacher to get good grades — girls too, nowadays (sigh).
...said steam coming from sex-sweat on the tombstones? I mean, it gets cold in Nebraska, Bubba.
And in SHOWBIZ News:
...lemme guess: the play sucks, and only Woke Blacks can be counted on to provide the necessary blowjob reviews?
From the Dept. of Climate Irony:
...I lost track of the Great Crested Newts after their hit in the late 1980s.
...wow; you know your business is in trouble when not even the Brits want to buy Goop products like:
… and … 
...like anyone would want to catch a niff of Gwynnie’s ever-dripping pudenda.
And in other INSIGNIFICA:
And here’s a granny who does wear a bra:
Welcome back, Nigella me old darling… it’s been way too long.
Quote Of The Day
‘I’m not rude – I’m just French’
…”and you have to forgive me because I’m Eva”:
Okay.
Update: Predictably, the Frogs are protesting.
News Roundup
Sponsored by:
…because:
...guess that ol’ stun gun just wasn’t fully charged, huh?
...well, that’s just a vile slander against all those world-famous Black mathematicians… wait, ummm...
...so: the Serbians should have executed him first, and then the Brits shouldn’t have let him into their country. This was a fuckup so huge that multiple governments had to be involved.
...simple mistake being that he visited Australia in the first place.
...welcome to our world, geek assholes. “Don’t be evil” was a lie from the very beginning.
...only two? You’re a tough man, Sundance.
...also, rice. And white sugar, and white toilet paper, and, and, and... let’s not forget white-as-paper Norwegian academics.
...the original album wasn’t blasphemous enough, you see.
...by the way, Eatzi’s food markets in Dallas and Plano have been doing this for well over 20 years.
From the Dept. Of Priapism:
...wait, 57 and still raping? I’m thinking “over-achiever”, unless there’s a megaton of Viagra involved.
...wait: you got into a limo with a violent guy who made his living by beating other violent men half to death, and now you want to score 5 mill as a reward for your stupidity, three decades later?
And speaking of ancient history:
...lemme guess: you had absolutely no idea there would be lots of sex at Hef’s place. And you were also forced into the limo that took you there, thirty years ago.
Now, from our Nostradamus Dept. (no links, because):
…and… 
...the latter being more likely to be accurate.
And INSIGNIFICA:
...missed it by THIS much.
...serves you right for marrying Lady Gaga, mate.
Finally, from our Sports Desk (via longtime contributor Sean F.):
Mikayla Demaiter, who used to play in the Professional Women’s Hockey League as a goaltender, has had a successful career transition, and she was forced into it. Demaiter had to give up the game of hockey in 2019 after she suffered a knee injury that ended her career.
Hockey’s loss is our gain, methinks:
Cold shower, then off to work.