Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

Okay, so as it’s New Wife’s last day Down Under, herewith the last of the Oz jokes:

Hey, that reminds me of an Alabama family reunion…

Of course, the new U.S. Army rifle is a German-designed clone of the M4, chambered for a cartridge that the Brits first suggested after WWII, so we have little room to criticize.

Okay, that one made me chuckle.  Except, of course, for The Gun Thing.

And finally, Strylia’s wonderfully-nickamed (by OzBlogger Tim Blair) “helium-voiced songstress”, Kylie Minogue:

 

Now climb off that rock and go to work.

3 Inexplicable Things

3 Inexplicable Things, Gratuitous Chick Pics

…in this case, three older women I still have impure thoughts about:

Caroline Quentin (64)

Never a great looker, but for some reason I always had a thing for her, starting with Jonathan Creek all the way through Blue Murder.  And she’s never let her dumpy figure get in the way of her career, or self-esteem. My kinda gal.

Jean Smart (71)

Fell in love with her during the Designing Women  days, never lost it.  One of the sexiest voices of all time, and even though she’s from Seattle, she speaks Dixie with the best of them.  And she inhabits every role she plays, ergo  all those acting awards.  The interesting thing is that she never really got to play the leading-lady femme-fatale  romantic roles, probably because at 5’11”, she towers over most Hollywood actors, and casting directors are morons.

And last, but by no means least:

Rita Wilson (66)

Yeah, Tom Hanks’s old lady.  Always had a slight thing for Greek chicks… and let’s not forget the freckled boob thing.

News Roundup

Bad News

Brought to you by:

So here we plummet, into the fiery news.


…so basically, you’re telling me that I can have more pricks than Madonna on an average Saturday night, and still get the ‘Rona?


…because that’s exactly what they’re doing.

From the Dept. Of Cultural Assimilation (European Division):

And:


…on the bright side, they could have done it to goats, just like in the Old Country.


…as long as we can reclassify “exterminating asshole politicians like you” as “sporting”, I’m cool with that.


…my first purchase when this actually happens:


…I guess “no man should” has turned into “no man will”.


…actually, we don’t trust him to handle a rubber ducky in the bathtub.


…reclassify them as “assault knives”:  that should work.  Next up for the goblins:  scythes.


…he’d never be convicted for that Over Here because to Americans, most Brit men look like rentboys anyway:

 


…I’m not surprised;  she’s been impersonating a singer for years.

COPS have released the mugshots of more than 30 alleged Patriot Front members who were arrested at a Pride event
…now let’s play “Spot The FBI Provocateurs”.  I figure about eight, but I’m probably undercounting.

1, 3, 4, 8, 11, 17, 27 and 30.

And in INSIGNIFICA:

     


…mango?  lemongrass?  FFS, all you need is a slice of lemon and/or lime, and even that’s optional.

Anyway, now on to the real news:

 

And without the yellow dress, in earlier times:

 

And that’s all the news fit to look at.

Uncommon Sense

Gratuitous Chick Pics, The Gun Thing

…shown by a Brit, of all people:

Lady Victoria Hervey has insisted she feels ‘safer’ when carrying a gun in ‘dangerous LA’ – and has suggested a ban on firearms would lead to a ‘genocide’ in the US.

The 45-year-old socialite and former ‘It Girl’, who is the daughter of the 6th Marquess of Bristol, and has in the past shared controversial opinions, told The Mirror that while she supports stricter regulations, she doesn’t agree with at total ban.

Now the reason this titled British tart has these oh-so-horrid beliefs is that she doesn’t live in Britishland, but in Los Angeles — hence her refreshing (and no doubt well-founded) opinion.  And she’s right, of course, especially in Los Angeles, which in no way resembles even London or Manchester when it comes to serious violent crime.   But when it comes to “stricter gun regulations”, it’s hard to see how anywhere could be stricter than L.A. in that regard, so she’s of course wrong about that.

Frankly though, I’m amazed that Our Vicky can even pick up a gun, given that she’s long been the World’s Skinniest Non-Anorexic Woman Not Living In The Third World:

 

News Roundup

Bad News

Brought to you by:

So let’s get cooking with some news:


…which is quite true, if by “historically” you mean 1935.


…and as a last resort, bagpipes, although the ASPCA might have had a problem with that.


…just another part of his master plan to win an election in Texas.  And talking of Beta-politics:


…just a pair of Commies chatting cozily over a nice hot cup of blood.  Corollary:

Canadian Firearm Retailers Sell Out of Handguns
…every time.  You’d think they’d learn, but Commies never do.


…like any Commie believes in fairness, and the rule of law.  How about this one, for example:


…because democracy is just a guideline, really.


…and no, her name was not Betty-Sue Johnson.

And speaking of yet more domestic terrorists:


…do we really need to even ask this question?


…LOL.  This is going to end well.


…nah, he should ruin the lying bitch, as an object lesson to other lying bitches who might be tempted to follow her example.

And in more INSIGNIFICA:

     


..and once again, here’s young Paige, this time in golf-appropriate clothing:

So much for the news…